these words repeated in tyler's head. he couldn't get rid of them. they were like a voicemail playing on repeat. tyler accepted the words after a while, realising how much of a failure he is.
he turned the hot tap on in the shower, allowing it some time to heat up. he then adjusted the temperature with the cold tap to make it just right.
once he got it just right, he got undressed and got in the shower. he looked around. everything was blue. it was dark. he couldn't see properly. the darkness was palpable as he sat on the floor of the shower. he looked up at the dark ceiling.
"i'm sorry" he said out loud.
"i really am"
he buried his head in his knees. feeling tears welding up in his eyes, he looked up at the ceiling again. the ceiling was a dark colour but it definitely wasn't blue. more, green, than anything else.
green was a weird colour. it wasn't blue, it wasn't black, hell, it wasn't even blue-black. just green. green gave tyler a weird feeling. a feeling of slight happiness with a hint of suicidal thoughts and sadness.
it was just green.
the warm water ran down tyler's back. the water gave him a feeling that he couldn't describe.
he put his hands out in front of him, examining them closely. they were shaking mildly and giving him an anxious feeling.
the water started getting cooler and cooler as the hot water was running out.
tyler turned both taps off and hopped out the shower wrapping a towel around the bottom half of his tanned body and trembled to his room, avoiding any contact with his family.
he got dressed into his comfiest clothes and sat on his bed, placing his macbook on his lap.
he clicked on his tumbr account and had a scroll through. pictures of cats and food filled the page and he was feeling happier already. until he saw that someone had messaged him.
this made tyler nauseous. none of friends messaged him on tumblr, ever. he thought it might've been a guy from school, but he wasn't sure.
anonymous: Heyyyyyyy
anonymous: shit! wrong person sorry
tylerrjoseph: it's fine
anonymous: well i have no one to talk to so,,, wanna chat??
tyler thought about it for a bit. he was very anxious about saying yes, so he said yes anyway. he needed some new friends anyway.
anonymous: (420 words) well howdy stranger :)
tyler followed the stranger on tumblr so his username would appear.
joshuadun: my name is josh and i'm 17 wbu
tylerrjoseph: my names tyler and i'm 17 too
the two continued in conversation and tyler realised the stranger made him unreasonably happy. he kinda liked it.
joshuadun: this might be a weird request, but can i see a picture of you?
tyler froze up at the request. not because it was a weird question, but because tyler was very insecure. he didn't like the way he looked. he didn't like his mind, his hands, his voice, his legs, anything.
most of all, he was worried josh was going to judge him, like everyone else does.
tyler walked into the bathroom, as he only liked taking mirror selfies. he turned the camera on and looked at himself in disgust for a few minutes. he then managed to take the picture. not liking the way he looked, he reluctantly sent it to this random stranger he had only started talking to today.
tylerrjoseph:
Ops! Esta imagem não segue nossas diretrizes de conteúdo. Para continuar a publicação, tente removê-la ou carregar outra.
joshuadun: you're so cute
tyler hopelessly blushed at the statement but disagreed straight away.
tylerrjoseph: no i'm really not
joshuadun: aye man, don't argue with me
tylerrjoseph: sorry
joshuadun: don't be
joshuadun: i have to go anyway i have school tomorrow
tylerrjoseph: me too
joshuadun: cya friend
tylerrjoseph: cya friend
tyler thought it felt nice, to call someone his friend.
he layed awake for about half an hour thinking of (666 words) josh.
