Dreaming for stars

Chapter XXIII

Morina was waiting for me outside, still in that thin white gown, hands wrapped around herself, she looked lost. She was staring up at the gloomy sky, and as she heard the door close her ears twitched and she turned to look at me. Her lips tightened in a straight line and her brows furrowed, as if she was expecting someone else. Judging by her lost look, she probably was.

"I apologize. I don't know where that came from," she sighed, her breath making puffs in the snow. "Just... go home Miyoko. Go sleep and don't think about us too much. Anteia, Yukki, Ryuu, Akira, me... We're just here to-- never mind. Forget what I just said. I'll find you after the council meeting tomorrow," she said and walked away, her gown being dragged in the mud.

Strange that Morina. If there was a word for her, I'd say inconsistent. What are her motives? What are her wishes? How does she even look like anymore?

I shook my head. She told me not to think too much about it. Who did she mean by us? What did she mean by us. Yukki, Akira, her...

How was I not supposed to think about them?

All beautiful people with beautiful personalities that I had just begun to discover, and I liked them.  I liked how Akira's hair reminded me of golden wheat in late summers. How her eyes reminded me of the most beautiful rubies. How her laugh sounded like a million instruments playing heaven's harmonies. I liked how even though she couldn't cook she tried for me. And took care of Tsubaki all the while.

And Ryuu. His roaring laugh and his jokes, his clumsiness with a bow. His brown hair of the richest chocolate. His eyes like ripe apples in autumn. His tips and suggestions. Looking over me like Mitsue once had. Like a brother.

And Anteia. Her boldness, her charms. Her ability to help and how she'd get lost in her thoughts. How even though she was about a 1000 years old she talked to me like we were of the same age. That green hair that moved with the wind and those mischievous, rebellious eyes that refused to match. I missed her dearly... but with if what Morina said was true I wouldn't see her for a long time.

And Morina... My head ached, as if something forbade me to remember. As if picturing her in my mind was a sin. As if I would harm her, harm myself.

I tried to ignore the thought as I looked for other things in the people I learned to love over time. And I remembered the most important one.

  I liked the way that Yukki's eyes reminded me of the sea and of the sky at the same time. I liked how his hair tangled in the wind when he didn't wear his hood. I liked how he would give me his scarf, how he'd braid my hair, protect me, teach me. I liked the way he sometimes smiled or chuckled under his scarf. I liked it how I could always count on him, trust him with my life. And he trusted me with his.  I liked how under all of that ice there was a kind boy underneath. A good man. Someone only I could see. And I wished to see more. More. To see that love, that kindness he tried to freeze. To find passion in him--

I slammed my head in my front door. I swore and rubbed my forehead and nose as I unlocked the door and entered, spotting Akira in the hallway. I offered her my best grin as I realized how tired I was. She smiled back in greeting and I made to take off my coat and cloak as she offered not to wake me first thing tomorrow. "No, no it's alright," I said and waved my hand to emphasize. "Bright and early if you would, so I can visit Jei before the council meeting. I already ate with the head guard, so I'll be off to bed," I said as an excuse. Sleeping too much brings nightmares, and I'm awake before dawn always. And perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea to visit Jei's grave, he must be getting cold now.

"If you love dining with the guards so much why don't you marry all of them," Akira said as I was half-way up the stairs. Subconsciously my hands flew to the braid I had Yukki make.