Waited to breath// part two of Waited For You

Im sorry

   Landon's P.O.V.
I'm standing in Layla's bathroom cleaning up her bloody nose. She paid off some of her debts, but I guess not enough and now I'm sitting here looking at her black eyes and bloody nose.
        "Lean back so the blood can lighten up," I mumble and she grabs my waist lightly. I don't stop her, I let her graze my waist. I let her keep her hand there because I don't want to move it.
There is no other explanation other than I don't want to move it. I don't want to move it until I really notice that it's there. Until I feel her hand warming the small space on my thigh, her fingers lingering lightly making patterns on my jeans, her eyes matching the intense feeling.
        " you need to lay down," I call as I go get her a Tylenol and water. I come back into her room and she's laying with a big shirt on curled up in the corner of her bed. I'm about to tell her I'm going home until I approach a puddle of tears.
       " Layla," I whisper as I slide in next to her and she cries into me.
      " I'm sorry, I really don't want you to have to be here. You have a girlfriend and you love her. I just, I want you here. I don't want him here and he keeps finding me," she whispers and I lay back on the bed, rubbing her arm.
      " I'm here," I mistakenly say because all of this time leading up to this moment I didn't let it resonate that I'm here with Layla and not Joelle.
        " I love you," she whispers and  I just sit there letting the words linger.
       " I shouldn't be here," I whisper.
*****
    Coming home, I shower and put on some gym shorts. Joelle is already asleep and when I slide into bed she shifts but acts like she doesn't notice.
        We lay in silence for an few moments until I just decide to speak.
      " Work ran late, I brought you home some chocolate," I whisper and she shifts farther from me in bed as I try to pull her in my arms.
      " You still smell like vanilla," she mumbles and then goes to sleep or at least stays still enough to make me think she is.
         The next morning she's in the living room with nova and Sam.
       " I was hoping we could ride together," I call out to Joelle after saying good morning to the crowd.
" Not today," is all she said before heading out the door.
Sitting in my office, I have a light knock on the door. I don't bother looking up because I know it's not Joelle, so I just sit there.
" Mr.Marks, Joelle told me to leave this with you," she proclaims and I look up to the papers.
" This is what we're equating to," I breath out and she shrugs lightly.
" People need space," she mumbles and then walks out because of course she's on Joelle's side. Of course everyone in this fücking office is on her side. Why wouldn't they be on her side, I'm the one that's not moving on from the past, I'm the one who keeps messing everything up.
" Space," I breath out.
I stay in my office for hours, looking through papers that I've fallen behind on. I stay in my office because I don't want to come out and see the eyes piercing into me. I don't want to come out until I hear commotion going on outside.
" Let me in his office nova, since when are you his personal body guard or some shįt," she yells out and Nova stands firm.
" He's busy and you have no reason to be here,"'she calls and Tara is about to yell at her before she makes eye contact with me.
" Move over, he's right there and not doing anything. Landon get new workers because," she starts and I stop her.
" Lower your voice and come to my office," I call and she follows me into the office.
" Landon, I just needed to talk to you because I," she starts and I stop her.
      " Tara, don't ever come in here with the disrespect I've seen play out today. You were a friend to me before all of this. At least I found you to be my friend through all of this and somehow there's been a disconnect," I call and she looks at me, anger still spilling through her.
        " Why didn't you tell me that Layla was back, why didn't you tell me that she's sober. She was my best friend Landon. My best friend is back and she didn't tell me I kind of expected that, but you," she claims and I sit at my desk.
       " Second of all," I start." I'm still trying to figure things out. I'm still here in reality where my problems are very real and calling you is pushed to the back of my head," I answer.
       " Crazy how calling me when you were horny was easy. My best friend didn't call me Landon, she didn't call me when she became sober. She use to call me about everything, about you and I ruined that," she speaks lowly and I breath out.
       " Tara, I know this is hard for you, it's definitely hard as shįt for me. You just can't come barging in here, you can come in and talk to me just not like this," I explain and she sits at another chair by my desk.
        " Do you still see her," she asks and I pause.
        " Yeah, I still see her," I whisper and she looks at me with a tear brimming her eyes.
       " It wasn't you that broke my friendship with Layla. I don't even think she knows that I've slept with you. She blames me, she blames me for how her life turned out," she starts and I let her finish.
       " I was there when she tried smoking for the first time, it was high school, it was innocent. I was there when she first got drunk, she definitely wasn't a natural and nearly passed out after the second drink. I was there when she wanted to go into something stronger because the high just wasn't the same. I didn't stop her. I didn't stop her because I never thought that do good Layla could ever become addicted," She admits and starts crying, real tears that come uncontrollably.
        " Don't make any of this your fault Tara. Layla has to deal with her own problems, she realized that what she did was her decision. She can't blame anyone," I call out and she moves closer to me.
       " Then why are you going to see her. Why are you following her around like a lost puppy with no owner. Why is she coming to run back to you, why is she running back to you and not me," she calls and I don't answer." Why is it that she doesn't blame you for making her fall deeper into the hole.You pressured her to go cold cut on drugs when you knew she couldn't," Tara starts and I burn my eyes into her.
       " I just told you, no one can be blamed for any of this and I sure as hęll wont let any of this fall on me," I call and she looks at me with a sparkle in her eye that burns with anger.
         " You knew she loved you and would try to do anything to make things work. You wanted her to just stop. You knew she couldn't just stop," she says lowly and I start to speak.
         " she stole from me , she lied to me, she slept with her dealer to get more drugs. I don't doubt that she loved me, actually I do. I doubt that she loved me and I doubt that she was really trying to quit. She loved drugs and that's what she pursued. She somehow became sober, she somehow got better and that's because she fell out of love. Im always the one to pick up the pieces with her. I'm always the one with her in the end. You can't blame me for any of this shįt show. You don't think I rather her have called you then pop back into my life," I call and she sits there and just stares at me for a moment.
         " This really is a shįt show," she breaths out.