Please Don't Be So Shy

Boiling

Trigger Warning.

"Excuse me?" I ask, my voice rising half an octave from anger. I hear the hiss of water sizzling on the floor as it bubbles over the lips of my pot full of burning hot rage.

She looks dumbfounded at my outburst. I'm pretty suprised myself. I feel Scott's large hand tighten on my shoulder, and I put one of my own over it.

"Abnormalities?!" I say, while inside I'm desperately trying to fan away the rising bubbles, but they keep coming, and the anger gets harder and harder to control.

"Disgusting?!" I push his hand off my shoulder with one quick movement, my voice getting progressively louder.

"Perversions?!?" I take a step forward. There's no controlling the water now. I let go of all of my restraints. "Listen here, lady. 'Abnormalities'? Yeah, bingo, love is abnormal. There is no 'normal', if you think about it. Nothing is a choice. Every person is different. There are no two people exactly the same. So there are no two couples exactly the same. Where would you place a norm in this world? And why would you hate someone for something they can't control? It's like if I hated all people with brown eyes. They can't control their eye color!! Eye color is not a choice. And neither is sexuality."

"Bu-" She tries to speak, but I take another step and hold my hand up to silence her. Scott grabs my wrist but I ignore him.

"No! I'm not finished." I'm practically yelling as the heat nears it's peak. Anxiety grips my chest with it's razor sharp claws, daring me to continue. I go on further. "It's shunned and illegal as of late to get married for something you have no control over. Gay marriage? Legal?! What's next? People's happiness? People living their lives without having any impact on your life? Outrageous." I laugh bitterly, boiling sarcasm practically dripping off of my words.

"Gay marriage is wrong." She finally manages to spit out. I roll my eyes so hard I'm suprised I didn't pull a muscle.

"Yes, hon, you are completely correct. 'Gay' marriage is wrong. It should just be called 'marriage'." She scoffs, but is at a loss for words. I can almost hear the rusty gears turning in her brain, trying desperately to think of a comeback. But she doesn't. And I proceed.

"I can't change who I am. Neither can Scott. Sure, you can hide it, just like you can get colored contacts for your eyes. But it's artificial. You know deep down that under the blanket of lies you tell the society, you aren't what you display. And at the end of the day, you look at yourself in the mirror and see someone who you aren't. Why would you want to go through that just to please other people? I'm not hating on contacts, don't get me wrong, but it's the same thing.

This whole 'sexuality is a choice' bullshit? From what I've experienced, if it was a choice, most gays would choose to be straight because of what society tells them. That breaks my heart." Just thinking about it makes my eyes sting with unwelcome tears, but I blink them back and take a deep breath.

"You are a horrible disgrace of the human species. You and your perversions have stained my household. You will never be loved. Your kind's love is fake. And unnatural. You will pay for your sins." She spits at my feet. And everything catches fire.

"I am done!" I scream. Scott's other hand holds my upper arm as I struggle against his strength, trying to get at her, but he tugs me back each time. "You should be ashamed! You are so hateful! How could you say I am a horrible person when you have so much hate in your heart that you call me disgusting and spit at me?!? For who I am?! For something I have no control over?! But no, I should pay for my actions?!?" I rip my arm from Scott's grip and stride over to her, inches from her face. "Maybe you should judge the way other people love after you at least find a decent man to marry." Now it's my turn to push her. And I give it all the strength I have.

She stumbles back, hitting the door hard. It swings back from the force, banging against the wall with a loud crack. I hear Landon start crying upstairs but I keep walking. I speed out of the house and across the porch.

"I'll call the police!!" I hear her shriek from behind me.

"I'll file for child abuse." She's quiet after that.

I break into run as my feet land on the concrete sidewalk. I can hear louder footsteps from not very far behind me, but I keep running. And running. And running.

The cold rainwater on the sidewalk soaks the bottoms of my socks and numbs my toes. But I keep running.

I'm panting and wheezing, my lungs and brain burning with exhaustion, but my legs won't stop. And I keep running.

My stomach is churning with anxiety and from the unusual exercise. But I keep running.

I reach an all-too familiar stone wall. It's the same wall that I sat against the last time that I ran from the Hoying house. I collapse onto the cool grass. I bring my knees to my chest, just like last time, and I sob. The tears fall onto the red hot burner, cooling my core and extinguishing my fury. The bubbles subside and die. The water calms. And I sink.

I feel as though there is a cinder block chained to my ankle, pulling me deeper and deeper. It gives me no mercy. I desperately flail in the thick darkness, trying to propell myself to the surface again. But I can't breathe and my brain is shorting out, forgetting to give my limbs the energy to move for much longer. Static in my ears gets louder as the light above me becomes more and more faint.

I'm drowning.

Two warm arms wrap around me. They are large, and they easily engulf me. My chain is broken, and I rise to the air and the warmth and the light. Scott.

He pulls me onto his lap and hugs me tightly to his chest. I hold firmly to his soft shirt with both hands, pressing my face into his warmth. I listen to his steady heartbeat as he starts to gently rock me in his arms, successfully calming my sobs. Detaching my hands from his shirt, he holds my numb fingers in his, rubbing small oblong circles into the backs of my hands with his thumbs. He rests his head on the top of mine, and hums. The vibrations from the soft, low notes travel through me, making my whole body shiver. He hums the words of a song I do not recognize, but it's soft and soothing, like a lullaby. I like it.

I've been here before, under the shade of these trees and against the rough rocks of this wall. But this time I feel safe. This time I'm curled up in the arms of my light, my air, and my warmth.

~~~