The Last Philosopher

Richard, long for Dick

The Darkness of nothing was creeping into the first universe, a lot like the nothing always creeping under a child's bed. Except on a somewhat larger and less terrifying scale.

In another corner, a displaced black hole — orbiting the edge of an odd galaxy — was spinning out of control from the force of its own outrage. Richard, long for Dick, was furious at the goings-on in what the all-consuming Afreet considered to be its galaxy.

Beings like this black hole should perhaps not be possible. Even so, in the senile dimensions of the multiverse, every oddity that can occur has already occurred. And the race of demi-gods were here to prove that fact.

That stinky blue ball Huom is to blame! Dick thought.

For a change, the puritanical black hole was almost right. Because as much as a cluster of stars can belong to anything, this galaxy belonged to the planet Huom. Once upon a time, the blue-green ball had been the first and only living being. The original Afreet and sole inhabitant of the galaxy that Dick was now orbiting.

It wasn't until much later that the black hole became the second demi-god, as its singularity penetrated the cosmos. But ever since being forced into existence, Dick has been been disgusted at everything in particular.
This was in large part due to the fact that even after Huom's slow death, the planet and galaxy have never fallen in line with proper astronomic behaviour.

To be precise, no part of this elderly universe had ever acted its age. Proof that longevity has never meant maturity. But at least Dick was blissfully ignorant of its own contribution to the pettiness of existence.

Ever since being spawned onto the physical plane, as a balance of power, Dick had been a pawn in the proxy war of another conflict. Which meant taking metaphysical marching orders from the divine. Since both demi-gods had been doing the conceptual plane's gruntwork. Still, it had never occurred to Dick's master to tell the black hole, that its task was over eons ago. Then again, gods do like their jobs thankless. So, Dick had been left to ponder what it called 'The Great Question'. One of the most selfish queries ever asked.

Why am I not in the centre of this galaxy! All the stars should be shining their favour on me! Sure, I might devour a few of them, like a handful of salted peanuts, but that's my right as their SUPERIOR!

This question only served to make it more confused, a problematic state for a control freak of galactic proportions. But with an ego so astronomically large not even light could escape, Richard struggled to maintain a sane perspective. Time hadn't helped, and it developed a wide range of toxic, black little feelings. As one might guess, Dick could not be described as a happy black hole.

From its dark perspective, its ego was attending a never-ending garden party. The bottomless void claimed to enjoy the dark, but getting seated so far away from the happy twinkling stars felt wrong. Sure, a few beams of light drifted its way. But overall, it was left alone in the black. Where there was no one to listen to its monstrously self-centred opinions. Picturing this scene, one could feel what Richard has felt, for longer than anything should be forced to live.

At the centre of the galaxy, Huom had become Dick's stinky blue-green planet. Largely covered in water, even after its death, the surface teemed with life other than itself. Rocks were the first to gain from of these conditions. Evolving into life from the surviving cells of Huom's single eye.

In time lots of races and peoples came into being, using life as an excuse to invent all kinds of beliefs and ideas. The sort of things that conceptual forces both coveted and considered problematic. To them, life has always been an unpleasant success. Which holds true for almost anything capable of taking offence.

But even with causing all the insult, life couldn't explain all the strangeness in this universe. Maybe it was statistically unlikely, but life was also rather inconsequential. Consisting of recurring activities that formed nice, comfy routines. Yet, mortals have never been able to comprehend their own insignificance. And with the twin arts of denial and self-delusion, they've always found a way to see themselves as the pinnacle of an otherwise dreary existence.

Unknown to Dick, there were forces in creation and destruction more powerful than undead gods or bitter black holes. Many of these were suspicious of life, and one of the forces had put things in the opposite of motion. Then, as they tend to do, things had changed. This time for the worst. But from Dick's perspective, it was something to look forward to. A proverbial Darkness at the end the tunnel of horrid Light.

Huom will finally Darken and with it all the little lights. Not even She can protect them now! Dick gloated, spewing out radiation in its excitement.

Something on Huom was going to have caused rips in the fabric of reality. This was only possible because not everything was affected by time, and tenses don't apply everywhere. So, cracks had, were, and would continue to bleed Darkness into Huom's universe.

Being just the absence of light, the black hole wasn't dark in the same way as the Darkness, with a capital D. Still, even with their differences, it could recognise the Darkness, as one arse always recognises another.

At first glance, Dick was right about Huom's insignificance. But what set the planet apart was difficult to spot without an exceptional view of the big picture. Huom wasn't just the centre of its galaxy and universe, but also the multiverse. Which could make it the centre of everything... and perhaps even nothing.

The reasons for all these unusual circumstances, was that this universe ran on forces much stronger than gravity. Imagination and Ignorance. It's also why an ancient sorcerer would come to dread his dreams of Darkness.

Updated: 18.04.2024