Footprints on my Heart

Chapter 10 -- Adagio

I came to lift one of my students' leg, it rose and rose until it reached her maximum, but of course my student didn't see where it was as she was looking straight ahead I took hold of my left heel with my right hand and maneuvered the extended leg to the side, not unlike operating heavy machinery.

"See, if you use more strength you can lift this high." I pointed out then later on roam around once again while saying "Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, my strength is some level of loose jointedness and potential for flexibility but don't let it stop you"

We practiced our pirouettes again. Those who could do one fairly comfortably could try a double, but those of us who still struggle practiced with just the single ones.

Most of my students are good with port de bras. At times I have to watch out for the droopy elbows, and take care that fingers don't freeze into positions. I also made sure that arms are not too high in first, and not too far back in couronne.

A lot of them get shy in front of an audience, even if it's just the teacher and their classmates watching perhaps I was just like this when I was a beginner.

Not the kind of shy where they blush and retreat to the corner, but the kind that has them dancing smaller than they should.

"Stomach in and stretch those knees!" Like a wallflower, instead of a blooming rose.. most of them hesitate to put their selves out there, to get their face on and dance full out, expressions and all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life rarely imitates the fairy tale painted in movies or in romance novels I can say with extreme conviction I was happy, comfortable and content in the life I had chosen and can honestly say I have absolutely no regrets. Well, at least that I was trying to convince my self these days

Truth be told, I've been dead for awhile now. At least that is how it feels to me. Cold and numb, with eyes glossed over, open and staring, but not really seeing. Without soul, without magic, without life in the way I walk, smile, speak.

It is always difficult, moving on, walking out of the ruins of a love that went wrong. It was especially more trying for me. I have invested a lot on him, given him all that I could. I tried to be perfect for him, hoping that all my efforts could hold him.

Somewhere along the way, I forgot to reserve some for myself, to love myself too. I lost all sense of self-worth and respect to the point that I did not bother with the fact that it was morally wrong to sleep with my ex-boyfriend

But it did not stop me.

I continued sleep with my ex-boyfriend.

I continued to watch Travis parade around different woman, each beautiful in her own right.

And even as I stared at my empty bed every morning, my body naked and sore from the night before, I continued to tell myself it would all work out in the end.

It had to.

It simply had to.

"Why do you keep doing this to yourself, Nikki?" Elaine asked, sounding genuinely bewildered. I spun myself around on the stool to face her. We were now on our lazy morning hang out at The Coffee Bean and Tea leaf in Greenbelt 3. I always have loved this branch every since.

You can sit outside the veranda side and watch the birds chirp in the morning while having breakfast and just enjoy the serenity of the Greenbelt 3's Zen garden

I was supposed to be helping my friend Elaine over her pastry shop Hearts and Cupcakes but since the sales were rather slow today, we ended up gossiping about random things--- like my relationship with her cousin, Travis.