Shock

-28-

The sound was only a few meters away from me.

A heartbreaking sob, cutting through the air.

I rose, running towards the sound, nearly tripping over my own feet in my hurry.

I reached Nathan in mere seconds and sank down next to him.

He was lying on his side in fetal position, eyes pressed shut.

"Nathan? Nathan, what's happening?"

He whispered something unintelligible.

"What? Nathan..." I put my hand on his arm

He gasped loudly and opened his eyes. As quickly as I would after touching a cooker, I retreated my arm.

He was shaking, top to bottom. Pressing his hand in the ground, he attempted to rise, but he fell back to the gravel.

I helped him to sit upright and threw my arm around him.

"It was so... real." He mustered

Then it dawned on me.

His dream.

He must have dreamt about his brother.

In the dim moonlight I could see his face was red and his cheeks were wet.

He was breathing quickly and superficially.

"Breathe." I said.

"Just focus on breathing, don't think about anything else."

He closed his eyes and for next five minutes, all he did was breathe.

Quickly, at first, like he was hyperventilating, but every few seconds his breathing got a bit more steady.

I looked to where Paisley's body lay, then towards the bus stop.

We were somewhere in between the two now.

I figured he hadn't really gone away when I'd asked him to.

He'd walked a few meters, just enough to fool me, and then stopped.

There wasn't that much room in the shed anyway.

If one of the kids slept on the bench and the other on the ground, there'd be no more room left for him.

He'd probably wanted to avoid falling asleep too.

But willpower could only get you so far after two days without sleep.

"Thank you," he said after he'd regained his breath. His voice still sounded small, exhausted.

I shrugged.

"I know what it's like. And it's even worse for you, seeing as waking up doesn't solve the problem..." I let my voice trail off.

"Yeah."

"Hey, can I get you some water?" I didn't really know what else to say.

He nodded and so I jogged towards the bus stop.

When I got there, Peter had woken up.

"What was that noise?" He asked.

I debated telling him the truth, but I didn't know whether Nathan would want that, so I just said, "It was nothing. Just go back to sleep, don't worry about it."

He frowned a bit, but he was obviously too tired to argue and layed down his head again.

After grabbing the bottle of water from my backpack, I made my way back to Nathan, who slightly smiled up at me as I arrived.

"What?" I asked, referring to his bizarre expression.

He shook his head.

"I just realized. You're talking to me again."

I bit my lip. He was right. After Paisley's death, I'd completely shut him out. The only words I'd spoken to him, had been commands to leave me alone.

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't be! It's completely normal. You know, I did the same thing after Derek died."

He took the bottle from me, but he didn't open it. He just stared at it, turning it in his hands.

"Grace even set me up to meet with her psychologist."

"What did he say?" I asked. I was curious. I'd been advised to go to a psychologist several times after the accident, but I just never found the courage.

"Oh, I never went. Figured it wasn't gonna bring him back."

He screwed off the cap and took a long sip of water. Then, he offered it to me. I shook my head.

"So," I said, "You live with Grace and Haley."

"Yup."

I waited, but he didn't elaborate. Finally, I decided to just ask.

"Why don't you talk to your family anymore?"

His jaw shifted.

"I don't want to talk about it."

I decided not to push. It'd been a rough night, and I really didn't want to be alone right then. It wouldn't do either of us much good if he'd put up his walls again.

"Okay." I said.

He put the water bottle to the side and I scooted a little closer to him.

"We're pretty damn messed up, aren't we?"

He looked up at the stars, with a look so concentrated it would seem like he was creating constellations on the spot.

"We are. But at least we know what it's like to have something worth fighting for."

I rested my head on his shoulder and looked atthe stars, and I suddenly felt grateful for all the things I'd hated before.