Shock

-24-

Our feet made muffled thumping sounds on the mud-dirtied streets and I felt as if I was having a deja vu. Again, we were walking towards a building with the hope of finding my family. Is was a scenario that, as I'd learned the hard way, usually ended in disappointment.
It was difficult to see how this time would be different, other than the fact I was now wearing Paisley's uncomfortable flats instead of my comfy old converse.
I tried to focus on my feet rather than on where they were going.
I felt the shiny black fabric of the shoe press against my ankle, slicing into my skin and -most likely- creating a few blisters on both feet.
I noticed how the walking, dirt, sweat, alcohol and other, less identifiable sources, had turned my usually caramel colored skin blotchy and red, and I longed for an ice bath to put my tired feet in to rest.
I suppose the others felt similar emotions, because the mood had notably shifted from the usual on-the-road games and singing.
Nathan and Paisley were talking, their voices hushed, and I took a second to wonder how the latter had survived so long without complaining when my feet were already screaming after a good half hour.
Peter and Haley were walking in silence, though I saw Haley reach out to grab Peter's hand.
I wanted to lift their spirits, but I barely had enough cheer left in me to keep my own head up.
I thought about my brothers and my parents and Rhonda and the accident and instantly felt ten times heavier.
Nothing happened, she's still alive.
I attempted to calm myself, but for every worry I diminished, a new one popped up.
It was funny, I'd always been a worrier.
Ever since I was a little girl, I'd been obsessed with controlling the world around me, even if that was as close to impossible as it gets.
My teddybears had to remain in their respective positions on my bed, my homework had to be done two days in advance and if I ever forgot to brush my teeth, I would not stop thinking about it all night, fearing they would all have fallen out when I woke up the next morning.
My parents had always assumed it would go away as I grew up, but it didn't. It only got worse as I realized just how much was out of my control.

"Charlie?"
Suddenly, a hand was waving in front of my face, and Paisley's high pitched voice pulled me from my thought.
"Woah, what?" I stepped back a little, right into a puddle, completely soaking my feet.
"I said," Her words sounded irritated, but I could see from her twinkling eyes and devious smile she was kidding.
"... Maybe we should stop for a while and grab a bite."
With everything that had happened, I'd completely forgotten about the full bags of food we were carrying with us. I remembered the biscuits and bread I still had stashed away and my stomach instantly started growling.
"Good idea," I said, and since we had let go of all hope for comfort and practicality,we sat down in the middle of the street.
Nathan dumped all of his purse's contents on the asphalt. I wanted to tell him to save some for later, but I didn't. Right then, I believed we all deserved a little treat.
So I followed suit and emptied my backpack on the street.
We were silent for a while, all relishing the feeling of our empty stomachs being filled.
When I reached for the two-liter water bottle that sat amidst our little group, Haley broke the silence.
"This is kinda like a picnic."
I smiled.
"Yeah. Yeah, it kinda is."
She smiled back at me, and I just now noticed she was missing one of her incisors. It had left an empty space on the left side of her mouth, and as if to emphasize how young she was, Haley now pocked her tongue through the hole that had not too long ago housed her baby tooth.
Nathan broke off a piece of bread and looked at his niece.
"Do you remember when we went picnicking by the lake?
When your dad laughed so hard that he got strawberry milk stuck in his nose?"
"Because you told the joke about the teeth!" Haley exclaimed.
Nathan snorted.
"Yeah. It wasn't even that funny."
"It was!" Haley said. "Will you tell it again?"
Nathan started to protest, but my brother interrupted him.
"I wanna hear the joke, too."
From the corner of my eye, I could see Paisley's lips curl into a smirk.
"Yeah, Nathan. Tell us the joke." She purred.
Nathan looked at me and I raised my eyebrows.
"Okay, fine." He finally gave in.
"But I warned you, it's not that funny!"
He received a round of applause from us and rolled his eyes, but I could see he secretly liked the attention.
"What is the best time to go to the dentist?" He asked.
It got quiet as we all pondered the riddle.
Even Haley, who had heard the joke before, seemed deep in thought and I figured she'd just forgotten the clue.
When, after a good five minutes, we all gave up, Nathan told us.
"Tooth hurty!" He said, laughing nervously as he awaited our reaction.
I wanted to complain about the lameness of the pun, but a small smile escaped my lips. Before long, I was laughing out loud, along with the kids and Paisley.
Nathan was looking rather smug, obviously satisfied his joke had had the desired effect. This was the first time he'd mentioned his brother since he'd first told me about his death.
I tried to imagine what he would have looked like, a slightly older version of Nathan, laughing, strawberry milk coming out of his nose. Next to him, a smiling Grace Stratford, holding his hand, and with them, Haley and Nathan.
My heart warmed at the fake memory of the fake family and I got inexplicably sad knowing I'd never be able to meet them as a whole.
I shook my head. Death happens.
There's nothing we can do about it.
I forced myself to focus on the here and now.
Peter was doubled over in laughter, clutching his stomach. Haley's fit over giggles had lessened, but she was still smiling broadly. Paisley tried to cover her face, but I could still see her cheeks were reddened and she was chuckling. Nathan wasn't laughing quite as hard as the others, obviously, since this was his own joke, but he was grinning pretty broadly. His nose was slightly scrunched and I could see the light reflecting in his eyes.
Somehow, getting Nathan out of the diner had made the shielded, worried guy become more open and relaxed, and I couldn't help but wonder if I was looking at the Nathan from before.
Before his brother died, before who knows what caused him to not talk about the rest of his family...
I looked at him, honey hair, graphite eyes and the broadest smile I'd ever seen, and got a feeling that, maybe, today wasn't all bad.

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