Growing Love

22

"This is ridiculous!" Freddy dropped the magazine he was holding, and it covered his face. He was laying on the floor, James was sitting upside down on the couch, Marcus was looking between two magazines, and I was trying to figure this out without ripping my damn hair out of my scalp.

"I agree. How are we expected to figure this out!" James tossed his magazine to the side, and ran a hand down his face. You see, about two days ago, after we told everyone about my mom. Me, Marcus, James and Freddy made the mistake of dissing Valentines day. I was surprised when even Ethan and Mickey seemed upset by the whole thing. Turns out, they were really looking forward to spending Valentines day with us, but we made fun of the holiday. Our dads gave us pitiful looks, and Val looked like she was disappointed in all of us.

"Marcus, dude, you used to be a chick right? No offense man, but don't you have any idea what the hell we're expected to do?" I would have smacked him. But I'm ashamed to admit, I was thinking the same damn thing. We turned to Marcus with hopefully looks in our eyes.

"None taken, since it's you I guess. But to be honest, I never got it even when I was a girl. The whole idea of a holiday like this seemed too mushy for me. I love Jenny, and I would give her the world. But I don't know, the idea of a day just for that seems a little idiotic to me." So we are all in the same freaking boat. We have been trying to make it up to them, but they all say the same thing, "It's okay, I'm not mad." Which we all know is a damn lie! Mickey won't let James push him on his wheelchair, Jenny is doing all the wedding planning on her own. Izzy won't let Freddy rub her very little baby bump, and it's killing him more than I expected. And Ethan won't let me kiss him until I admit I was wrong. My stubborn ass is too prideful to do that. Especially because I really don't feel like I am

"Idiotic or not, we need to plan something. The dads are taking Val out, and trying to get my old man off my mom not being here. That means it's all on us, we need to think of something." We gave it another few minutes, before we all cracked from the pressure again.

"Carter." I looked up and saw Ethan in his shorts, and a black tank top. His hands were wrapped up, and I wanted to do so many thing right now, but I know he wont freaking let me! "I'm going to the gym with Jenny, and Izzy is taking Mickey to the library across the street." Just then, the girls and Mickey came down. Jenny was dressed in short work out shorts, and a tank top with her short hair pinned up. I saw Marcus practically devouring her with his eyes. Izzy was barely showing because of her small frame, but she was still wearing one of the dresses Freddy bought her. He was looking at her as if she was his whole world. James was looking at Mickey the same way. He was walking a little more now, but he still tired out. None the less, James loved him the same. We watched them leave, and it was like a new fire was lit under our asses.

"We need to fix this!" We all said as we kept on planning. We're gonna make this a Valentine's day they never forget.
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Mickey

"Okay. Jenny's training should be done in about an hour and a half. Meet back at this restaurant by then okay?" It was nice seeing Ethan take charge. Seeing him in his training clothes, and hearing his strong tone. You can tell he holds back to let Carter have more control. We all agree, and go our separate ways.

"I-I-Izzy?" She responds with a small hmm, as she keeps looking ahead. "A-a-are yo-yo-you okay, w-w-with ta-ta-taking me?"  I felt her run her small hands through my hair. Her hands felt so nice and gentle.

"Michael I think of you as my brother. I want to spend more time with you, when ever James isn't hogging you." We laughed as she wheeled me into the library. The cold air and smell of old books bringing back lost memories of my childhood. A childhood my stupidity caused me to lose. I look down at my hands, and can't help but feel they don't belong to me. The last time I saw my hands, they were small and shacking, trying to open that bottle. "Mickey?"

"Huh?" I looked up from my thoughts and saw her looking at me.

"You okay?" I nodded my head and smiled. I don't want to think bad thoughts anymore. "Okay, if you're sure. I'm gonna go look for those books I told you about. Think you can handle some alone time for a bit?" She gave me a teasing smile.

"Y-y-yeah." I smiled at her joke. She remembered when I told her I still felt like I was eleven years old, since James and my brothers won't leave me to myself. She smiled and told me she would be back in a few minutes. The library was big, and had three stories. I wheeled myself to the young adult section, and looked at the comics. These bringing back memories of hiding in the treehouse at the shelter. I was so into my comic, I didn't notice someone had sat down with me.

"Hey Mickey." I looked up at the sound of my name. My tongue felt dry, and my cheeks started to warm up.  I met her around the time I was first brought to the library. Her name is Kate. She's really beautiful and nice. She doesn't make fun of my stutter. She's older than me, but she is really fun to talk to. That is, when I actually try to.

"H-h-hello." I covered my mouth with my hand when I said it. She looked up from her book. She seemed confused at first, but then she smiled at me. I couldn't help but smile back.

"Don't worry, I told you before I think your stutter is cute."  We sat in silence for a little while, before a buzzing noise was heard. She looked at her phone, and I swear I saw something flash in her eyes. "I have to go. I hope I see you again." She waved and walked away. I couldn't help but simply watch her leave. Before I could do anything else, Izzy came back.

"You wanna borrow that one?" I snapped out of my thoughts, and remembered why I was here. How long had we've been sitting here  A sense of guilt washed over me. Had I felt feelings for someone who wasn't James? No! I love James, I do. But then, what did Kate smiling make my heart skip a beat? I looked up to Izzy, getting ready to ask. But for some reason, I stopped myself.

"Y-yes." She smiled and took the comic with the others in her hand to the front desk. I looked towards the double doors leading out of the library. I still don't fully understand my own emotions yet, there are many still new to me. But the one I am feeling right now I know too well. Guilt. But my question is, what have I done to feel guilty about?