Survivors | b.m.

Chapter Forty Three

I turned on my heel, wiping the tears off my cheeks as I left, going past Denni and Hal.

"Alyssa I'm so sorry." Denni said as I slid down the wall in one of the abandoned building. "I really thought it would help I...I had no idea t-"

"It's okay. It's not your fault." I said, shaking my head. "It's not your fault."

"Alyssa?" Hal asked gently, kneeling next to me. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head.

"No, no I'm not." I said. "But I...I'd kinda like to be alone right now. Please."

"I don't think that's a good idea wi-"

"Please Hal," I said. "please."

"Okay. Okay yeah." Hal said, nodding.

He stood, whispered something to Denni, then looked back at me.

"We'll come back later with some food, okay?" He asked in a gentle tone.

I nodded, watching them walk out.

A sob ripped through my body as I pulled my knees to my chest, no longer holding back the tears. Sure, things have hurt in the past, my parents fighting all the time, the deaths of my friends because of this war, but nothing, not one thing, has hurt the way this does.

"Alyssa?" Tom's voice made me jump slightly.

I looked up at him, wiping my face on my sleeve.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He questioned, sitting down next to me with worry on his face.

"I think the better question is what isn't wrong." I said with a sarcastic laugh.

"Hal told me what happened." He replied, setting his gun to the side. "Although I kind of figured it out."

"And you're not mad at me?" I asked, picking at the skin on my forefinger.

"You punched him?"

"Slapped him, actually."

"I'm not mad," He laughed lightly. "I'm actually impressed."

"I'm really sorry Tom," I said. "I didn't mean for this to happen I didn't...I didn't want this to happen I'm s-"

"Hey hey hey, I know. I know you didn't mean for this to happen, of course you didn't." Tom said. "But you also have to realize that as much as I agree with you and Hal that Ben messed up, I'm still his father. And part of me is always going to be on his side."

"It hurts." I said, crying again even though I tried not to. "I feel like my chest is going to explode and cave in all at once."

"I understand." Tom replied. "You and Ben...you guys are special. I've never meet two kids who got along so well from such an early age. Everything about your friendship gave me and Rebecca a good guess as to what was going to happen when you got older. And I believe, if this war had never happened, you and Ben would together for the long run."

"And what about now?" I asked. "Cause I don't see this going anywhere but down."

"I don't believe that. I'm the optimist, remember?" Tom said. "You and Ben will get through this. And you'll be stronger than ever because of it. People have gone through worse and been okay, I promise."

"I just don't get what's going on." I admitted. "I guess what I mean to say if that I don't understand why I don't hate him. I mean I'm glad I don't, but I just don't see how I'm supposed to just...forgive him and get over it. I'm never going to stop thinking about this and if I somehow manage to get over it enough to take him back every time something happens it'll go back to this."