never too late ✎ adopted by phan

24*fight against death

^ Before you start your day ~ tøp ^

Phil

It's been a few days and all she did was sit in her room. We tried talking her, but she usually didn't say much. She just listens to music in her room.

She's started her chemo, and that has been causing her a lot of pain, she's been throwing up a lot and she's started to loose her hair.

It's awful to see her like this, in so much pain, but we're all hoping it'll work. To help her. I feel so bad for her. We all do. She's started to be quieter, she's going to school but doesn't do much and doesn't get bullied that much because even they feel sorry for her. It's horrible for her, I don't know how to explain it any easier.

Emerald

I was dying.
I knew I was dying.
Phil knew I was dying.
Dan knew I was dying.
Brook knew I was dying.
My fans knew I was dying.
It seemed to be a constant
fight against death.
And death seemed to be winning.

Everyone gave me the sympathy that I didn't want, I was glad that I was cared about, but I didn't need everyone apologising to me about me having cancer. I didn't want you to give me sympathy and the 'oh I'm so sorry' 's because I know that I'm dying, you don't have to remind me with sympathy.

I was weak and I couldn't do anything. It was hard to even sit up at times. The doctors say that the chemo might be doing something, but I feel like it's only making it worse.

I didn't like it stoping me from doing anything, so I carried on making YouTube videos. I carried on singing and talking about my chemo and how the cancer is affecting me, and I've started to get more subscribers that aren't aware that in Dan and Phil's daughter.

Stay strong Emerald! We all love you :)

You can do this Emerald, we believe in you.

We love you Em.

I smiled weakly, and shut my laptop, I sat down, starting to control my breathing. I gave a sigh as I felt a clump of my hair in my hand, I didn't feel shocked anymore because it was an instant reaction knowing that the chemo had started making my hair fall out and making me throw up, I walked to the bathroom and threw up. Coughing as I started to cry.

Dan and Phil came in and looked empty. They came over and hugged me, I got a lot of hugs these days, especially by them.
"We love you Emerald." Dan said in the hug.
"So much." Phil finished.
"I-I love you too." I mumbled.

-

After a while, all my hair had come out, which I was kind of glad about since it would stop the annoying pulling massive clumps of hair out thing and trying to brush it and it all coming off onto the brush.

I was still throwing up a lot because of the drugs that I've been given, the side affects suck but I've gotten used to it.

I placed my tripod up and fixed it, making sure it was in the right place as I pressed record, I smiled at the camera and started my intro.

"Hi everyone, my name is Emerald and as requested, I'm going to be singing quite and old one, as some of you may know, I usually ask you guys what I should sing and I scroll through them and pick one at random, I'm going to be playing Before you Start your Day by Twenty Øne Pilots." I said, my voice sounded a little weaker than usual, but I shrugged it off, knowing that it was just my tiredness.

I began then finished the song and ended the video. I turned the camera off and was silent for a minute until I quickly checked that there was no one home, because Dan and Phil were out and Brook was at dance. Then I clicked the button again to turn the camera on and filmed something else.

It took about an hour or so until I stopped it and saved it to my computer and named it and saved it. Then I edited and uploaded the singing video. I shut my computer and breathed out heavily before I heard the front door open.

"Emerald?" I heard Phil shout, they always did that when I was alone in the house and I always replied the same way.

"Still alive."

Dan didn't really like when I said that but Phil sounded more relived.
"You know I don't like you saying that, even if it's just a joke." Dan said, as they both walked into my room, I was lying on my bed, I was tired. I seemed to always be tired lately.

"Em, you still need to take your-" Phil started.
"I know." I mumbled, interrupting him, he gave a little smile and kissed me on the cheek and Dan kissed my forehead before Phil ran to the kitchen and came back with a glass of water and my daily pills.

I hated these pills, these ones made me throw up, minutes after taking them. I took two in my hand and swallowed them with my water, as I said, about three or four minutes after taking them, I ran into the bathroom and threw up, I coughed after being sick, Dan handed me a glass of water as I drank it, but it didn't take the putrid taste out of my mouth.

-

I was bound to die sooner or later. It's been weeks since I was diagnosed, and I knew that my time was coming.

"You have a choice of surgery or carrying on with the chemotherapy." The doctor asked me. It was a different doctor this time, this one wasn't as nice but he still looked sympathetic.

"What are the chances of me living through the surgery?" I asked.
"I'm afraid that it's quite low. If the surgery doesn't work, you may die very quickly it's about 40/100 living through the surgery." He explained.

I was silent for a small while, as he didn't rush me, he let me think.
"The surgery is quite expensive." He said eventually. I thought about that. I didn't want Dan and Phil paying for me to most likely just die. I wanted to spend the time with Dan and Phil and Brook, but then again, I also wanted the surgery to work.

"I'll stay on the chemo."

So I seem to be updating pre quickly. Because there is only one more chapter. So I'm going to update right now, then tomorrow because since the book is pretty much over. I might as well.