never too late ✎ adopted by phan

21*a glass of water

*trigger warning,, self harm*

💚Emerald 💚

I sprung up from my bed as my heart heated faster than ever before. It was another one of those dreams, this time I was quiet and I didn't scream, which was good since I didn't wake Dan and Phil up. But yet, I did want them here. Because I was scared.

No, that's selfish, they're asleep, they don't want to get up at what? 2am to find you screaming and crying like a baby. Do they? No. So stop being selfish and go back to sleep.

But I couldn't. It was another one of the dreams where I had felt like I couldn't breath, and I started to think that these continuous nightmares meant something. Like he was trying to come back for me. I breathed out as I stood up from my bed, trying to feel my way around the room until I grabbed my phone and turned flashlight on.

I needed a glass of water.
And my blade.

I walked around and first made my way to the drawers, where I kept it. I dug my hand through the usual area where I was. But it wasn't there. I was confused as I dug my hand through the other drawers before sighing and shinning the light on a piece of paper, that I hadn't noticed before, I picked it up and started to read it.

We had to spend a while trying to find your blade, we don't want you to do something you might regret. We're sorry Em.
-From the dads that care about you very much.

I cursed under my breath as I shoved the drawers to close them but quickly realised how loud it was as I clasped my hand over my mouth and stared at the door in silence, paranoid that I could hear something or someone. I waited about 3 minutes, just to be sure. Until I made my way to the bathroom and tried to get in, my fists clenched when I realised that it was locked. I shook the nob and hit the door with my fist as I saw a note on the door.

We had to lock it for your own safety, if you need the toilet or some water, don't hesitate to come in to our room. We love you Em.
-From the dads that love you very much.

I cursed again but slightly louder. As I kicked the door again, pacing outside the bathroom, wondering if there was anyway I could get in.

My mind was so extremely desperate to get into the bathroom and get what I wanted that I didn't want to stop. My arm seemed to be twitching as I looked around for anything else I could use as a blade. But there was nothing, I'd have to give it to them, they did a pretty good job hiding or taking literally everything sharp.

But all I cared about was where I could find one. I looked for another 20 minutes, until I left the room and did the last thing I could think to do.

I knocked on the door as I heard nothing, I walked into the room, it was pitch black but I could tell that Dan and Phil were sleeping on their bed. I didn't want to turn on the light or do anything, I sighed, telling myself it was a stupid idea and why couldn't I just let them sleep, I was about to open the door to leave until I heard Dans voice.

"Emerald?" His voice was croaky until he cleared his throat. "Do you want to go to the toilet or anything?" He asked, I nodded before I realised that he couldn't hear me I said a quick yes, saying I wanted a glass of water. I heard him getting up and turning on the bedside light, he flinched at the sudden bright light and I made my way to the toilet, when I turned the light on and closed the door behind me, I heard Phil say something that I couldn't hear properly. I looked around at the room, seeing a razor, but I couldn't use it because they would hear, but I felt like something was coming over me and I couldn't turn away from it, I stared at it.

"Emerald? Are you finished? I could get you a glass of water." I heard Phil say, my heart thumped.
"I-I'm fine, just g-give me a minute." I stuttered, I knew I didn't sound convincing, and Phil didn't sound convinced.
"Are you sure? You're not doing anything are you?" He asked me.
"What? No!" I said back as I took a manual razor and quickly made a mark on my skin, I panicked as I didn't stop, I grabbed some toilet paper and tried to stop it from bleeding but it wouldn't stop, my heart beat went fast as I covered the cuts with my pyjama sleeves, I stuffed some toilet paper in the sleeves and in every place where it was bleeding, hoping it wouldn't seep through.

"Emerald. Let me in please." He said.
"W-wait!" I said, grabbing myself a glass and filling it with water. I opened the door for Phil as he looked at me as I turned the light off in the bathroom and walking out, hoping he didn't get a good enough look at me to notice, Dan had turned off the bedside light, so it was pitch black again.

"Thanks for you water and bathroom! I'm g-getting pretty tired." I said, doing a pretty unconvincing yawn and leaving the room.
"Good night!" I called before the door shut. I breathed out in the hallway as I walked to my room quietly.

I closed the door and breathed out heavily, turning the small light on and checking my cuts. I sighed, hating myself for doing that. When the cuts stopped bleeding, I finally got to bed.

🦁Phil🦁

I didn't trust her.
Me and Dan had taken away all the sharp things in her room and locked the bathroom door so that she couldn't get in. But when she came into our room, I could tell that she was hiding something from us.
It was clear.

She was quiet the next day, but it was soon time for her to go back to school.