ARC10

Chapter 4.3

Whatever Dean's eyes are saying, I can't interpret.

But behind the massive man, Kai responds with an unmistakable look. We'll see about that.

Kai smirks as he exits. "Yeah, I was just leaving. Anyway, Janika, I wanted to say I hope we get paired together. We'd be the team to beat. That's for sure. Till tomorrow." His eyes linger over me.

At his departure, I strip and jump in the shower.

Dean strides just out of reach of the water's spray and jerks his thumb at the door. "That guy? Really?"

"What?" I sputter, my mouth full of water with a flavorful hint of rust and soap. "He's not doing anything wrong. We were only talking."

"Oh?"

"Not like I have to inform you of my private conversations or anything, but we were actually talking about how we found it interesting some of our COs weren't in the room last night."

Dean contemplates this data in silence.

What could have been an explosive moment in my life ended in nothing more than weak steam. I feel like absorbing the pressure, filling my bones with the force of the thick fog. I'm full and ready to burst. Unlike the bursting I felt when Kai's chest grazed my back, this bursting erupts toward the source.

Dean.

Why can't he mind his own business? I rinse the suds out of my hair and wrench off the spigot. Realizing I shouldn't take out my frustration on the ancient plumbing of the locker room, I tap it gently in apology.

Dean's eyes glaze unfocused in the far corner of the showers where a patch of long, hairs have congregated.

Why is he even here if he doesn't want to talk? I wrap my towel around my body and shamble to the metal benches.

"I don't trust him."

"You don't trust him, or you don't like him?"

"Is there a difference?"

I think about this. "I trusted you. I don't anymore, but I don't hate you."

He turns around to frown at me as I rub the water out of my hair. I bet that stings. Good.

"I don't trust him, and I don't like him. He's up to something."

At this I practically laugh in his face. "We're on the same side. We're joining this mission for the exact same purpose. You've never met Kai before. What could he have possibly done to pluck out your indignation already?"

"He hasn't done anything yet, Janika, but I can tell he will."

"What do you think he can possibly do? If you hadn't noticed, I'm more than capable of defending myself, thank you very—"

"Oh, really?" He interrupts loud enough to startle me. "You can take care of yourself? You, who is also flagrantly flirting with him, leading him on, making him believe he has a chance with you when you're already contracted. You think you are able to fight off anyone who comes near you? But what about fighting yourself? What happens then when you are the one pushing it?"

I stare open-mouthed.

"How will you stop yourself from going too far because when you two are behind the mats in the training room and the Maroon Coats come sweeping down with the rod—"

With my adrenaline pounding furiously through my veins, I lower my gaze and glare right at him—angry for bringing it up after everything we'd heard the night before.

"Don't you dare for a second think I give a shit about what the HHP wants anymore," I start, my voice low and muffled through the echoing drops of water hitting the tiles.

I stand in the middle of the room with my dripping hair, my constricting fists, my arching spine tensed to pull the pin of my self-made grenade.

"This mission buys my freedom. With this, I'm guaranteed a way out. Don't you even bother to think about the contract or what it means for us. There is no us, Dean. There may have been, but you utterly messed that up. Now there is no chance. Not now, not in five years, not ever."

"Janika, you—"

"No, I don't want to hear your excuses anymore. I've had to endure them on repeat for the last three years, and I'm sick of hearing you say you're sorry or that you didn't mean for things to end up like this. But I don't have to listen to you anymore. We'll be on separate ships, and I'll never, ever have to hear about the fucking HHP ever again."

"You didn't read the mission contract, did you?"

Caught in the headlights, feeling more vulnerable than I had felt that night with the open coat, I decide to not make myself look like an idiot and hold my tongue. No, I hadn't read any more of the paper than what my sleepless mind was able to ingest before Dean came knocking on my door at zero-three hundred in the morning.

He crosses his arms over his chest. "Being part of this mission doesn't excuse you from previous obligations. The HHP's contract is still in full effect. We must have the first child within the next sixteen months, Nika. Sixteen months. Which is why you should read the paperwork before signing. Do you really want to be in full combat while pregnant?" His eyes drop to the middle of the steel floor where water swivels down the drain.

I bet he can hear my gears ticking at full speed. His words register, but there is no meaning behind them. Pregnant? Combat? This does not compute.

My limited patience vanishes. I yank my clothes over my body. My tangled hair drips down my back, soaking my shirt and my pants. Everything sticks to my skin. At this point, I just want to bolt away from this harbinger of doom. I charge past him through the door.

I never want to see him again.