Gold And Coal (Ryden AU)

2.6 ◇ Lie To The Truth

Happy Birthday EmoYankee

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When morning came, Brendon was asleep on my shoulder whilst I sat there, wide awake, my mind too occupied with thinking to even consider going back to sleep.

The wind was still blowing a cold breeze into the room and a quiet cough escaped my lungs, jerking Brendon awake.

"Sorry," he croaked, his throat sounding equally as sore as mine felt.

I shook my head, dismissing his need to apologize and wrapped the blanket tighter around my body as another shiver escaped from it.

"Are you going home today?" I asked, only realizing how it sounded once the words left my lips and a hurt expression washed over his tired face.

"I...", he begann, avoiding my gaze and fumbling with his hands, "I'll go home."

I nodded, unsure of what else to say and got up, blanket still wrapped around my shoulders, to fetch my clothes from my room where Jon was sleeping.

Trying to ignore Brendon's gaze wondering over my exposed chest, I changed into a clean shirt and slipped into my coat, turning to Brendon expectantly.

"Are you coming now or do you want to leave later?"

He sent me a weak smile and got up, putting on his shoes and coat before following me outside.

We walked together for a while, not a word leaving our lips until Brendon stopped, pointing to the road on our left. "I'm going that way," he whispered, voice slightly shaking.

I nodded, chewing my lip and raising a hand to wave softly before turning my back on him and walking away. I didn't do that with the best feeling in my stomach. No, I felt absolutely sick leaving him there, alone and still so obviously broken. I remembered the time my own father had passed away, how he had sat beside me for days, stroking my hair and placing comforting kisses on my temple. How he was the one who got me on my feet again, and how he hadn't abandoned me.

It seemed unfair that I would leave him like that, when he was so clearly not okay. When maybe all he needed was a hug from someone he trusted who would tell him that everything was going to be alright. Someone to make sure he didn't do anything stupid, who made sure he survived this.

I wanted nothing more but to turn around, call out his name, watch the spark return to his beautiful eyes and wrap my arms around his body, breathing in his sweet scent and feeling him melt into my arms.

But Jon's words had left an impact on my thoughts, they had woken me up from my fantasy that whatever this was would work out.

So I didn't turn around, and in retrospect, that was the worst choice I had ever made because I would regret that later on.

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My day at work passed uneventfully, Brendon occupying my thoughts every second of it, which is why I didn't head home, but decided to follow Jon's advice. Or my interpretation of it anyways.

I wasn't sure this would be a good idea, but on the other hand I wouldn't know unless I tried. So I retraced my steps to the same dodgy looking alley Brendon had taken me a long time ago and took a deep breath as I stepped through the doors.

The loud music made me involuntarily flinch, but I didn't back out. I headed over to the bar and saw the same man who had served when Brendon took me there that one time, James, if I remembered correctly.

He nodded at me as I sat down, but his eyes narrowed and he stepped closer, eyes travelling over my face.

"Aren't you Brendon's boy?" He asked me and I raised an eyebrow, questioning how he remembered my face when so many others like me passed through here every day.

"Not anymore," I replied nevertheless. He nodded slowly, pouring me a glass of whatever the fuck I had pointed at.

"Well, a pretty boy like you won't have any trouble finding someone," he winked, sliding me the glass and turning to another customer.

I thoughtfully raised the glass to my lips and poured the liquid down my throat, embracing the burn that came with it. It truly didn't take long until I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to find a guy smirking at me lustfully.

"Dance with me," he whispered, leaning forwards to make sure I heard him over the loud music. I hesitantly got up, and followed him. He wasn't as beautiful as the very boy who had introduced me to this place, but I don't think anybody could compete with him, so I settled for this guy.

He didn't even bother to dance with me but went straight back to a booth at the back of the room, running his large hands over my small body, roughly removing my clothes, and shoving me downwards, bending over me and firmly holding my arms in place, nipping at my neck and leaving me unable to move.

It was all so different. So different to Brendon's soft kisses, to his delicate moves and even though we were passionate, it was never this rough and heartless. I didn't like it. Didn't like how he pinned me down like that, how I couldn't move.

I winced as the other guy begann attacking my neck again, this time sucking and biting at my tender skin and I felt my eyes water in discomfort. It was all so different. But different was good, wasn't it? I needed to try new things. I needed to see it wasn't just Brendon.

So I lay still, letting the stranger, whose name I didn't even know, continue to violate my body. I didn't scream as my body felt like it was on fire. I didn't flinch at the pain. I just lay there, wet, hot tears running down my face.

Once he was done, he left, leaving me lying naked and exposed, trembling in fear and pain.

I couldn't move, everything hurt so badly, but driven by shame, I managed to pull on my pants before giving up and closing my eyes, trying to get it out of my head, trying to feel fine.

But the tears never stopped and all I could do was listen to the music filling up the room, the place I had spent both the best, and the worst time of my life.

~

I know I broke your heart
Mine is broken too
Now if we're even
Then why are we both blue?

~