Love
Is secretly lined
In a thick black layer
Of pain.
Tied neatly at the top
In a bow of trust
That can easily be
Untied
Just to strip that layer of pain
To reveal another silk black
lining
I ran to get my high tops from my room. Today I was going on my first real date with Gavin. It was our one month anniversary and we were going to the fair. I tugged on my shoes and took one last glance in the mirror. I fixed my makeup and ran outside to the car. As we pulled out of the driveway I put my seat belt on and turned on the radio to my favorite station. My dad, as always had to go change it to his station. We fought back and forth me turning the dial him pressing the arrows on the steering wheel in fits of laughter. He finally gave up and I changed it back to my station. I stared out the window in silence thinking of how tonight would go. My stomach fluttered with excitement and anxiousness. I texted Gavin telling him I was just about on his street. When we pulled into his driveway, as always, he was sitting on his front porch swing waiting; when he saw the car stop, he stood up and scuffed over to us. I opened the door and got out. He hugged me; him and my father exchanged hellos. We turned our backs to the car and we went inside. His dad and mom were dressed up in 80’s costumes for a party they were going to and I giggled silently. His mom was wearing the leggings I helped her pick out a few weeks before at Walmart and his dad ripped jeans and ripped jean jacket. We all piled into the car, including Gavin’s little brother, who would be traveling around with us.
We got to the fair and started walking around. He got occasional hello’s from his friend’s, and then he started harassing this kid. A whole fight broke out and the other kid threatened to pull his knife on Gavin. I pulled him away. “Addie I can handle this myself.” He tugged his arm away. Gavin’s brother, Trevor and I, started walking away. He caught up to us and grabbed my hand forcefully, putting his between my fingers. We continued walking until we came across a group of girls. Gavin released my hand and went and jumped on the back of one. His brother followed. I stood awkwardly behind the group as Gavin began to have a conversation with them.
My stomach flipped. This was supposed to be our date, and he’s with them. It killed me to think he’d rather be with them. The only few people I knew there was Gavin and Trevor… he didn’t even bother to introduce me…
“Who’s that?” a girl nodded in my direction.
“Oh,” he pulled me into the group. “This is my girlfriend, Addie.”
“She is so pretty Gavin!” he ignored the comment and continued talking about Spanish class next year and how he was going to miss it. The group began to walk away, and Gavin went with them. So like a little lost puppy, a followed. At the gate we sat talking for awhile. Well, they did. We finally broke off and we decided to look for Garrett, so I could meet him. We walked around aimlessly for 20 minutes bumping into Ricky along the way. He said hi to Gavin and just gave me a look. I shot one back and his mood automatically changed. He started following us then after 10 minutes he said his goodbyes, finally acknowledging my existence out loud.
We then made our way back to the gate. We called Garrett and he had been sitting 20 feet away from us. I pointed him out to Gavin as he made his way over to us. I said hello to him and we walked around, him, Trevor and Gavin talking. Occasionally I engaged in the conversation but there wasn’t much for me to contribute.
The night flew by quickly and it was finally dark. Gavin and Trevor and I were in line for the Ferris wheel. The lights of the fair lit up the night, and the smell of popcorn and cotton candy perfumed the wind. We all climbed into the cart and sat down. As we began going, Trevor started rocking the cart.
“God damn it stop!” I squealed in laughter as I buried my head into Gavin’s shoulder. The swinging stopped. We reached the top and Gavin turned to me. He leaned in and we kissed, not realizing Trevor started engaging in a conversation with us, not caring that we weren’t answering. He rambled on and on about the people he saw below us and who they were. I giggled and I pulled away.
We all got in the car and started driving in the direction of my house. I lied down so that m head was on Gavin’s lap and I was looking up at him. He was texting and I could see each and every little outline of his facial expressions from the glow of his phone. He put it down and looked at me. He always had that same little cold, but sincere glow to his eyes. I loved him.
And I wished I never had.
