It was the end of 7th grade and things were going great. In reading class that day, we were switching seats. I was placed next to this girl I didn't know named Melanie. She seemed nice but I wasn't sure if we'd be good friends. So the first few days we sat there awkwardly, just doing our own things and learning. She was smart and tall and skinny. She was quiet and she kept to herself. She never asked questions or raised her hand to talk or answer questions. She just sat there. She was quite mysterious.
I never really felt the need to talk to her. I had friends, she has hers, we had our own separate lives. It was the end of the year anyways in a month or two, school would be over and reading class would be done for good. But, she didn't exactly feel the same way.
This one day she passes me a note that says 'Hi'. And that's where our friendship begins. That simple note turned into hundreds and those awkward days turned into bundles of laughter and talkative conversations. It was fun. We were best friends. We shared our secrets and told each other who we liked, and what the most exciting events were going on in our lives. We gave each other advice and we told each other everything, even the worse of the worse. Maybe a little too much...
Melanie ended up becoming suicidal. I was the one she vented to. The one she told everything to. I was the one she came to for help. And me being me offered the help to her in as many ways as I possibly can. I did the best I can to help her, but everyday it kept getting worse and worse. Everyday it seemed to become more of a challenge for the both of us. What else do I say? What more can she tell me? How much more can I help? Am I helping? It's hurting me.
Depression is not a game I know. But back then, I didn't. I still feel awful for what I said to her.
"Melanie, you have no reason to be this way, you have a great family, a great house, you're amazing at softball and you're really smart! I don't understand why you'd want to kill yourself!"
"You don't understand Addie. You don't know how I feel or what I live with or anything!"
And she was right, I didn't understand. Not then anyways.
