Change
No matter how little
Or how big
It’s never going to be the same
Whether it’s good
Or it’s bad
One change
Leads to another.
You lose people
You lose friends
But not only that
You lose yourself
The next day Julia came with my family to see the house, Nathaniel and my mom and my dad had already seen it, so now it was my turn, along with Julia and Greg and Maggie. The road was a dirt road, filled with potholes and rocks, so we had to dive down slowly. Rocks spit out from under the tires hitting the back of the car. We turned into this unpaved driveway and a huge house stood in front of us. It wasn’t like a mansion, but it was big compared to the house I was living in now, and our house was pretty decent sized. It didn’t make me excited though, I liked my house, I loved the location, the size, our yard, our pool, the trampoline we had, I wasn’t ready to let go.
My room was humongous compared to my room now. It was like double the size plus a walk in closet and a bathroom right next to it. Nathaniel and I would get the whole upstairs to ourselves which include what my parents like to call it the “teen room”. Downstairs, there was the computer room, a kids bathroom then a room Maggie and Greg would share, a living room with a huge fireplace and a kitchen, a sunroom, a mudroom, and the big master bedroom with a huge bathroom attached to it.
We were about to go outside and look at the patio and the yards when my cousin’s family pulled into the driveway. Alex and Emily got out and we gave them the tour. In our woods there was a river so Alex, Emily, Nathaniel, Ryan, Julia and I all walked out there to check it out. It was nice not to big but not small like the brook we had at our first house in Marlborough. Nathaniel could go fishing in it in the spring and the sound of it echoed the street. It was nice, the house was nice, and the location of it was a problem for me though. I did not want to switch over into Lebanon schools. No way, no how. I mean of course the house was only temporary for maybe 3-4 years, but, RHAM was my school, Marlborough was my home.
After a week and a half, the moving day was finally here. My cousin’s family, Lindsey’s family, and some family friends were all over to help. We had rented a big moving truck for the day in place of our Volvo. We would have to do more than one load to get everything to our house. Lindsey’s mom, my godmother, took some things in her car over, like pillows and blankets and small boxes filled with personal items, same with our family friends, Helen and Sally.
The first truck was loaded up; I decided to go with my dad in the moving truck to the house. He said to grab my cat Max to ride with us. Max had been my pet since I was 4. He was my best friend, I loved him so much. When I was little I’d talk to him when I had no one else to talk to. He’d listen and comfort me. It’s like he understood me. I remember when we had first moved into the house we were moving out of, he wouldn’t leave my side. He’d stand by all the windows with his two front paws on the window sill and meow at me. It was adorable. He was my baby. I smiled at the memory. Max wasn’t too happy about going in the truck, so we left him at the house until we’d come back with the cat carrier. We pulled out of the yard and down the street. I watched my house vanish out of the rearview mirror. I knew I’d be back in a short matter of time, but it still didn’t feel right.
The windows looked empty and dark. It saddened me. The people buying the house wouldn’t move in for awhile, so we could still go back when we choose, but, it wouldn’t be the same; cold and empty. It wasn’t just the house that made it homey, it was our stuff and our family that made the walls glitter and the house shine. It would never be the same.
When we were done transferring everything to the new house, my dad brought the truck back to the rental place. I went up to my room with Lindsey and Alex and Emily. It looked empty. I had my mattress on my floor and like 6 or 7 small boxes with my stuff. My shelves were pressed against the wall and were empty. My desk was in the garage still and I’d have to put together my bed frame at some point. The room was empty. The cream empty walls didn’t help much. This wasn’t home, it was wrong. It felt wrong, it felt different.
Another terrible part about this place was I had no service. To get service id have to leave my phone on my window sill. Great. My dad would fix that soon hopefully. That night I say by my window texting Paul. We were discussing how much we’d miss each other and I told him I’d still be on the bus, but after this year I’d be gone. He promised me he’d be my best guy friend no matter what and we’d get together at some point. I fell asleep waiting for his response on my Orlando Bloom pillow and when I woke up my mom had covered me with my yellow quilt. I looked at my phone had a missed cal from Paul and concerned texts from him wondering where I went. It made me smile. I was too tired to respond so I dragged myself over to my mattress and fell asleep.
I had a dream about next year, no one wanted to be my friend, and all my friends from RHAM had forgotten about me. I had tried texting them, but they didn’t know who I was. It scared me. I woke up breathing heavily. I sat up and looked into the dark depths of my new room. That scared me even more it was too dark I could barely see the other wall of my empty room. I felt alone and lost. No one was there, I didn’t know anyone around me, and my friends were so far away.
A tear rolled down my cheek and I started thinking. I started thinking about Jake and how much I missed him, he wouldn’t return my calls anymore and I thought about the fair and Penny. I thought about having to go to Lyman and leave all my friends, my soccer team, and my neighbors. This was going to be a tough transition. I started thinking about Melanie and her depression problems, what if she hurts herself because of this. It’ll be my entire fault. At this point I was bawling my eyes out. My head started pounding. I rolled over in my pillow and sobbed.
Nothing will ever be the same.
