Fallback Girl : Days to Fall (Chat MD Series #3)

Day 59 : Estranged

Estranged
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"I'm outside the house you're in."

Lumipad ang lahat ng antok ko nang mabasa ang message ni Zig.

Outside? Does he mean..?

I typed : Outside?

Bumalik ang confirmation niya: Outside the Madrigal house.

I bit my lower lip. I needed to go home.

Ibinalik ko ang paningin ko kay JT. He was still sleeping. Nakatagilid pa rin siya, paharap sa'kin. Nakahawak pa rin siya sa kamay ko.

He could last all night in the same position? Hindi ba siya nangangalay?

Bumigat uli ang pakiramdam ko.

Sinubukan kong kalasin ang kamay ko sa kanya, pero nagmulat siya ng mata. Ngumiti.

"You're awake?" he asked, the baritone in his voice deep.

Tumitig ako sa mga mata niya. I really wanted to stay beside him, wake up with him, eat breakfast with him, banter with him, and spend time with him. But even though it felt good to be with him, it also felt wrong.

No. I was the only one in the wrong in this whole mess.

"I'm going to the bathroom," bulong ko, nagpilit ngumiti.

Binitiwan niya ang kamay ko at marahang pinaglandas ang daliri niya sa ilalim ng mata ko.

"Namamaga ang mata mo," sabi niya.

Hindi ako kumibo.

"I'm waiting for the day when you don't have to cry anymore. I wanted to banter with you all day and laugh with you," bulong niya.

I want those days, too. But I can't tell him how selfish I'm feeling.

"Can't we make it possible soon?" he asked.

Nag-iwas ako ng paningin. "Stop it, JT."

"Okay," sabi niya at ngumiti. "Go to the bathroom."

Mabilis akong tumayo. Hindi siya tuminag. Hindi rin lumingon.

I looked at his frame a little longer before walking out of the room. Dinaanan ko lang ang bag ko sa living room bago dumiretso sa labas ng bahay.

Zig was really there.

I walked to Zig's car and opened the door on the passenger seat. Walang kumikibo sa 'min nang sumara ang pinto ng kotse.

Pinihit niya ang susi sa ignition.

"Zig..." tawag ko sa kanya.

"Hm?"

Lumunok ako. "Look at me."

Bumaling siya sa'kin at matipid na ngumiti. I looked into his tired eyes.

"Why do you look..." Natigilan ako. Bahagyang namumula ang mga mata niya. He doesn't look like someone who's up early. He looked like someone who never get to sleep.

"I'll get you home. May pasok ka pa," sabi niya at akmang bubuhayin uli ang makina ng sasakyan.

Hinawakan ko ang kamao niyang may tangan ng susi.

"Did you wait here? All night?" tanong ko sa kanya.

Hindi siya kumibo.

"I'm tired of not getting to talk with you about what I want, Zig. So... did you wait here? For me?"

Sumandal siya sa driver's seat at marahang nagpakawala ng buntonghininga.

"I saw you at the park last night. I was driving around."

Ikiniling niya ang ulo niya sa'kin. Kinuha niya ang kamay ko at mahigpit na ikinulong sa palad niya.

"Lalapit sana 'ko pero nauna si JT."

Nangusap ang mga mata namin sa isa't isa.

"You looked... relieved to see him." Lumunok siya. "So, I didn't do anything."

Naglapat ang mga ngipin ko sa sinabi niya. Magkahinang ang mga mata namin.

"And you waited here? All night?"

"I know you're drinking with him. You drink when you're emotional."

"At hindi ka... hindi ka nag-isip na..."

"I'm the cheater, Hannah. Not you. I know you won't do something like that," he said through gritted teeth. "Kahit na siya pa ang kasama mo."

Pasakit nang pasakit ang bara sa lalamunan ko habang magkaharap kami ni Zig. Nahihirapang itulak ng paglunok ko ang sakit. Nahihirapang pigilan ng mga mata ko ang luha.

"Hey, honey... Don't cry. Maga pa ang mata mo," malumanay na sabi niya. "I only mean to wait for you to wake up and drive you home."

Pero pumatak ang luha ko. Zig's holding my hand and he's warm. This should feel right but it feels wrong, too.

Nagtungo ako ng ulo at pinabayaan ang luha ko.

"I made you cry again..." he said. Hinawakan niya ang baba ko at itinaas sa kanya. Kinuwit niya ng daliri niya ang luha ko. "You're the most beautiful thing to me." Lumunok siya. "Don't cry."

But I couldn't stop my tears. I know, it was hard for him to wait. Zig despised waiting for something he has no knowledge of. I knew why he couldn't barge in, either.

He is scared of being pushed away and being left behind. So, he waited quietly for me.

"I'm sorry..." sabi ko sa kanya at tuluyang nanginig. "I'm sorry but—"

"Don't!"

"You have to hear me out, Zig."

"Let's just go home."

Mahigpit niyang pinisil ang kamay ko. Dama ko ang panlalamig ng palad niya at tensyon sa katawan niya.

"I'm in love with JT! The feelings won't go away..."

Nag-iwas lang siya ng tingin sa'kin at lalong nanlamig ang kamay.

"Let's go home, Hannah..." mas mababa ang tinig na sabi niya at nagmaneho. # 0615pm / 10212016