The Queen's Knight (Haikyuu!)

I'm Undeserving Of Her

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Tsukiko scrambled for her phone as soon as she heard the familiar ping! of her phone notifications. She didn't care who messaged her. She just wanted to talk to someone. She didn't want to he alone.

In her rush, she accidentally fell off her bed with her legs tangled in her bedsheet. Biting her lip, she inhaled sharply as she clutched her throbbing leg.

Goddamnit! She thought, her knee getting painful. She breathed in and out for the next few minutes before she positioned herself on the floor properly knowing that she wouldn't be able to get up the bed with her dead leg.

She reached for her phone which fell under the bed. Unlocking her phone, she saw a message from twitter.

@dinoberry: tsukiko, are you awake?

She smiled at her internet friend. It made her feel less lonely. That someone would always be there. But that someone wasn't Tsukishima.

@tsukkitsun: Yeah. I'm awake.

@dinoberry: can't sleep?

@tsukkitsun: Yup. Just lying awake.

@tsukkitsun: Thinking.

@dinoberry: thinking? of who?

@tsukkitsun: My ex-boyfriend.

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Tsukiko's reply had caught Tsukishima off guard. He stared at the screen, repeating the message in his head continuously.

She's thinking of me?

She's thinking of me...

She's thinking of me.

Why is she thinking of me?

An unconvincing snore came from the owl-like third year snapping Tsukishima out of his thoughts. He glanced at Bokuto and raised an eyebrow.

Wasn't he two mattresses away from me just now? Tsukishima thought with a frown. Maybe my eyes are playing tricks.

He turned back to his phone and quickly typed back a reply.

@dinoberry: why?

@tsukkitsun: I don't know.

@tsukkitsun: But I'm scared honestly. I'm terrified even.

Tsukishima tried to process her words but they just didn't make sense. He waited. W

@tsukkitsun: I still care. I care about him. And it fucking terrifies me.

He was taken aback by her choice of words. The only time he had heard her say it -other than now- was when she saw him kissing Ito.

@dinoberry: you still care for him? after what he did to you?

After what I did to you?

@tsukkitsun: I don't think you get it Kyoryu.

@dinoberry: what do you mean?

I don't get it.

@tsukkitsun: I still love him.

@tsukkitsun: It started off as a simple crush and thinking how cute and all he was. But I slowly got to know him. I became closer to him and I started to fall in love with him without even realizing it. And without him, I feel empty. Like I wasn't even alive unless he was by my side.

Tsukishima's mouth hung open as he stared at the phone. He felt his chest start to be filled up with emotions. He stood up, clutching his chest as it throbbed painfully. His hands trembled, causing him to stop his phone on the floor. And in a split second, he ran out of the room and into the toilet.

He gagged and the pain in his chest made him retch. Yet, nothing came out of his stomach.

Only tears fell from his eyes.

Oh God, why?

Why?

Why did she fall in love with me in the first place?

I don't deserve her care.

I don't deserve her love.

I don't deserve her sadness.

I've only broken her.

The thought of Tsukiko's once radiant smile disappearing because of him made him want to stab himself. She didn't deserve what he did to her. She didn't deserve anything.

She didn't deserve making the biggest mistake of her life.

Falling in love with him.

I'm undeserving of her.