Hopeless Situation

Chapter 35

Papers

Nathan opened up the envelope and held the paper in his hands.

He turned the paper and analyzed the print word for word. This document that he had with him determined his future. This paper broke relationships for good. This paper separated families, and eventually this paper would separate any official bonds between himself and Sophie.

For some reason, signing the divorce paper wasn't easy for him. There was this growing pain in the pit of his stomach that told him to just drop the paper and forget about it. His hands shook and he badly needed a coffee to calm down.

Nathan placed the paper neatly on his table and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. Then with the mug he sat on his couch and ate a slice of toast. It was early in the morning, and Nathan was deep in thought as he ate silently.

Then from nowhere he heard laughter. Like a girl, laughing continously for no absolute reason. He turned around abruptly to find no one there. The familiar laughing stopped, and Nathan closed his eyes to breath in what just happened.

Then it happened again. But this time there were words. He couldn't make out what they were but a girl spoke to him as she laughed. Nathan smacked his head trying to get the voice out. The solitude was killing him to the point he heard her voice when he was alone. Nathan turned on the TV to fill the room with noise.

But his concentration was somewhere else. He wasn't staring at the TV but past it at the wall. He thought about her smile. He really liked the way her smile could lighten up the room. He thought about her hair and how it flowed down her back. He liked when her wet hair would accidently hit him on the face. But it was her laugh that kept ringing in the back of his subconscious mind. Over and over again, like she was there with him still in the room laughing at something stupid that Nathan did. It bothered Nathan to the point that he was so annoyed that he threw his plate across the room and it shattered into a thousand pieces.

"Why do you have to always fucking drive me crazy?" He screamed. "When you're here... even when you're not! Leave me the fuck alone!" Nathan got up, and that's when it was silent. No laughter, no images of her face before his eyes... just the sound of the TV and the Mr.Clean jingle in the background.

Nathan snapped back into reality and he realized what had just happened. He looked around and realized that it was only him. Then he looked at the floor and saw the mess of the shattered plate.

He groaned in exhaustion and got the broom from the kitchen. At first he picked up the larger pieces and put them in a bag and then he swept the smaller pieces with the broom. Without noticing a piece of ceramic, he took a step back and the edge pierced into his foot. Nathan screamed in pain, then stumbled backwards towards the sofa until he was sitting, internally crying, and groaning all at the same time. There were no tears, but it hurt like a m-fucker. Thankfully there wasn't anything in the foot, but the cut was pretty bad and there was lots of blood. Nathan hissed. "Sophie can you fucking get the aids kit? My foot dammit."

There was silence. Nathan had his eyebrows narrowed at his foot and he was oblivious to what he had just said. "Sophie!" Then it hit him. She wasn't here. Why was he even considering that she would be here. She wasn't here. She was gone a long time ago.

Nathan limped towards his bedroom and on the way lost his balance and almost fell, but he was able to grab onto the wall in time. Then he got out his first aid kit and applied the medication and bandage to himself, all while hoping he had someone with him. A strength, to hold him and tell him which direction to go. And though the plate shattering had happened moments ago, he realized how badly cut he really was when he got a moment to think about it.

Nathan stared back at the divorce papers. He limped towards the paper and looked at it once ago. He traced his fingers around the fine ink signature that spelt out Sophie. It was legible and delicate, but it didn't matter how hard Nathan rubbed, the ink stayed stubbornly in its place. Stubborn like Sophie.

Nathan smiled at the room he was in. The clean floors. The made bed. The files of paper neatly put away in the alphabetized folder that Sophie had created. His entire life had changed and reshaped itself because of one girl. He learned to appreciate life rather than do everything for money, he learned to take time to clean his home, and he learned to smile every once in a while.

But maybe Nathan was stubborn too. Maybe he was selfish and air headed, but he hated how he was feeling. He hated how he was smiling about her. He hated how he wished that she would knock on this door and run in and hug him and ask him if his foot was okay. And he hated so much that she signed the divorce paper without thinking twice. How could she have just signed the paper without thinking about Nathan's feelings and thinking about how much he needed her? No. He didn't need her. He didn't need someone that didn't need him. She was so damn independent that she felt she could do without Nathan. She went for Jared instead of Nathan, so how could he need her?

Nathan searched his drawers for a pen and when he found one it was out of ink. He scribbled on a random piece of paper but it still wouldn't work.

The divorce papers in one hand, he hopped towards his office bag for another pen. Then when he got a fine tip he brought the lid to his lips and clenched it with his teeth. Then he put the paper against the wall and brought the pen to the blank space that needed the signature.

He paused for a moment, remembering every memory of them together. From the day he saw her in the restaurant, to the day he took her in his car on the longest and most annoying car ride to his parents. Then his car hit a tree and it broke down. He laughed a little at that thought. The train ride, the times with her and his parents, the fence jumping, the marriage... The first kiss all the way to the last kiss. And all the kisses in between.

Nathan closed his eyes. In the blackness of his lids he saw her face. He quickly reopened them. There was this ache in his heart, and this beat on his pulse. Nathan really liked Sophie. He always knew he'd like her witts, smarts, and sensitive attitude... but he really liked Sophie as a whole. And Nathan couldn't help contemplate if this was indeed, love. But could it be just that? He thought to himself that it possibly couldn't, because there was a ring in the back of his pocket and it wasn't for her.

So without thinking over anything he signed the piece of paper. A part of him was upset, but another part of him was glad he didn't have to be indulged in all these feelings. Cause knowing Nathan, it's obvious he hates hopeless situations and would take every chance he finds to run from them.