The Outcome -minizerk AU- (sequel)

24

Josh's P.O.V.

"I can't do this."

Those were the last four words I said to Simon before I left. I walked out of the restaurant and walked down the freezing cold streets of New York City. It was later in the day and all the signs were lit up. Everything looked beautiful, unlike me in that moment in time. It felt like everything was wrong and nothing could be right.

I don't know if I made the right decision. I just couldn't do it. I love Simon, I truly do. I just can't sit around dying watching him fall with me. I just can't. I know I'm weak, but it feels like nothing can go right anymore. My dad is right, I'm useless and I truly don't deserve to live a happy life. I never have and never will. The one good time in my life died as quick as it came. Nothing can go right. Especially to a person who doesn't deserve it.

I got to the apartment building, no one was there. It was freezing cold. I didn't bother on turning the heater. I don't deserve warmth or pleasure. I deserve nothing. I treat everyone that I care about like complete and utter shit. I don't deserve anything.

I got to the room and opened up the closet and took out the box that kept all of my memories with Simon. I looked through and shuffled through every little thing. My heart skipped a bit as I looked at all of the photos of us, we were so happy, so alive. What happened? That's right, I got fucking cancer and I broke not only myself but the person I care about most in the world.

I took out all of the letters and just looked at all of them. Reading all of them, scanning through every single one. I fucked up so much. Why did I leave him? Why did I think that was a good idea? I should've just told him the truth. Told him what was going on. Instead I left him. I broke him and myself. I broke my friends, I broke the sidemen, I broke everything. Nothing will ever be the same anymore.

I heard my phone start to ring as I saw it was Vik. Odd, I haven't gotten a call from him in ages.

"Hello?" I said as I picked up the phone.

"Tobi is freaking out about where you are. He can barely breathe while he talks to me. I know you fucked up, but we've all fucked up. Please don't do this Josh. Don't leave Simon."

"Aren't you happy that I'm leaving Simon? I know Vik, I know you love him." I said as he just snickered.

"When I was trying to comfort him I thought that I loved him. I thought that I could make everything okay for him and the rest of us. To just forget. I was wrong. When Simon left, I was broke, confused about what was even left. The sidemen had died. JJ went off to do his own thing, it felt like nothing was right. Luckily I had Harry, he saved me Josh. I fucked up majorly but I allowed Harry to catch me. You need to do the same." He said as tears started to fumble down my cheek.

I heard the door open and everyone fumble around. I hung up on Vik, not even saying goodbye.

I looked at everything on the bed. The pictures, the momentums, all of the letters. All I could think about was how I am such a fuck up. Vik's  wrong, no one can save me. I don't deserve to be saved, especially not someone like Simon.

I looked at my old chemo pills as I heard footsteps slowly edge towards the door. I opened them up and laid them all in my hands. The door slowly started to creek open as I lifted up my hand bring the pills to my mouth. This is it, this is the end.

I swallowed down all the pills as I saw Simon walk through the door gasping and grabbing me. He started to talk but I could barely hear anything. My vision started to blur as the edges started to cave in.

"I.....I....I love you, I.....I'm.....sor.....sorry....I don't deserve to be......saved." Those were the last words I said before the black took over.

~~~~~~~
A/N: I know it's short, but shit happened so give me a break.

Anyways I wanted to bring up the new book idea. It seemed like some of you liked the idea and I think it would be fun for me to do something other than all of this LGBT ship stuff.

So, if you want to get the chance to be in the book or just to check out what the book is going to be about, go check out my Q&A + Tags book where I am going to have a chapter titled Video Game Online. I will explain everything about the book and you will also have the chance to see who you are able to be with out of the Sidemen, Friends and the pack. So yeah. That's all, see ya!