The Outcome -minizerk AU- (sequel)

5

Josh's P.O.V.

It's my fourth week on chemo. Well actually it's my first week with the new chemo. Luckily it didn't spread after we changed the type, but sadly it didn't change the fact that the cancer cells were still growing.

I got up out of bed and walked over to the desk and did the same thing that I've done the last three weeks. I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and started to write to Simon.

Dear Simon,

I want to say things are looking good, but truth be told I really don't know anymore. I mean we've started up the new chemo and it's done nothing. I mean, nothing has spread, but the cells are still forming. My doctor said that it's looking okay, but I don't really want to get my hopes up. I'm not ready to be put down again.

Anyway, how have you been? How are the guys? Have the fans been asking about me? I'm guessing they have. I don't know why they wouldn't. They always question things like that. That's something I love most about them, how much they worry about us. They are like our family, who am I kidding they are our family. Anyway I'm going to stop rambling about how much I miss our fans, instead I was wondering what the new house is like. I never really got to move in, you know because I left before then. I'm sorry about that, I wouldn't have left if it wasn't like this. Maybe I'm just over exaggerating. Maybe it's not as bad as I'm making it out to be. I mean, they've upgraded with their technology. They know what they are doing. They didn't know back then. But at the same time maybe I'm just saying this because I miss you.

I miss everything about you. I miss seeing your cute little dimples when you would smile. I miss seeing how your eyes would glimmer as you laugh. I miss your laugh. I miss you.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you. I'm sorry that I got sick. I'm sorry that I suck. I'm sorry that I can't love you. I'm sorry that I can't hold you. I'm sorry.

Love,
Josh

I watched as a tear drop fell from my face and hit the paper making the paper crumple. I want him back, I want to hold him. I want to tell him I love him. I want to be there for him. But I can't, I fucking cant.

I got up and threw the chair across the room in anger and frustration. I kept picking it up and throwing it down trying to break every single piece of it. Trying to make it like me, broken.

"Josh! What are you doing?!" Freya yelled as she walked into the room stopping me from throwing the chair once more.

"I miss him, I miss holding him and telling him I love him. I just want to be better. I want to marry the love of my life." I yelled as she just gave me a pout.

"I know, but you and I both know that you don't want to do that to him." She said as I nodded.

"I know, but maybe it wouldn't be as bad as I think it would be. Maybe I would be okay. I mean, it's not like I'm doing that bad." I said as she just got up.

"Freya?!" I yelled as she walked back in with her phone.

"Don't worry, I just want to show you something." She said as she started to pull up her Twitter.

She started to type miniminter until she clicked onto his profile. She went to images and started to scroll down until it showed me a sight that I never thought I would see. Simon.....kissing Vik. My heart fell from my chest down to my stomach. I felt as if I was being killed. She then showed me more pictures of all the guys hang out and Simon had his arm around Vik holding him.

How stupid was I?!?! To think that he would still love me?!?!?? I left him. I left him all by himself. With Vik to comfort him.

"I'm sorry Josh." She said as tears started to swell in my eyes.

"I just want to be left alone. Please leave me alone." I said as she nodded and got up and left.

How stupid am I?!?!?

~~~~~~~
A/N: I wrote this yesterday but I forgot to upload it, so there is going to be a triple upload for this book today. Sorry about that 😂. also tomorrow is Josh's birthday and I'm so ready to get that shirt. I am going to stalk the website until I can make sure that it's mine 😂. I need to show my love of Josh by wearing his shirt. I just have to. Anyway that's all, see you guys in a little. Bye!