There Are No Grey Piano Keys [Phan]

~In Love With Phil

Dan were on the verge of an mental breakdown. He had paced his flat continuously since he had miss-sent the message to Phil not daring to do anything in the fear of making it worse. He felt trapped, trapped in himself, trapped in a spiral of dark thoughts, trapped in his mind and trapped in his flat. Nothing in Dan's life seemed obvious any more maybe with the exception of the fact that he did for sure know that Phil now completely loathed him and his previous lying ways. He could clearly see the the message had been read almost one hour ago but being left as unanswered, just yet another sign on how clearly he had forever ended their relationship.

Calm the fuck down, there's other people out there. It's just that they're not Phil.. But, I,-I don't even know myself anymore! Why am I such an enormous screwup? When I FOR ONCE thought my life was going in the right direction and now this.

He had thought about still sending the message to Chris and PJ but hadn't bothered since, what was the point now when the situation was even worse than he had managed to make it before. Al ot of dark options had sprung up as ideas in his mind the last hour, at first he had neglected them fearing his own mind but as the time flew by they all seemed more and more appealing. How easy wouldn't it be to do something drastic? He wasn't going to, not now, but as the time passed by and the dark clouds gathered in heavier and heavier bunches over his head silencing out the light and positivity pressing his shoulders down giving him a headache as he tried not to listen.

He was miserable, he simply could not possibly come up with anything that could possibly make his situation better so he did what he always did in hard situations. He swallowed it, down suffocating every feeling he had and went in to the shower telling himself that he was going to drown himself in the shower, the last thing was in fact just a morbid cruel inside joke between himself and himself and he wasn't actually going to try drowning himself in the shower but was a good metaphor as it for him was the best way to suppress feelings, washing them away in hot streaming water. So he stood up and made his way to the bathroom, he locked the door after him and turned to face the mirror, the sight that greeted him wasn't what he had hoped for, but just the one he had known he would be greeted with, messy hair, scruffy clothing, tired eyes but worst of all his eyes had gotten back that disgusting dull layering over them, that layering only present in the eyes of a man who had given up on happiness.

So it's back.

He stripped himself from his clothing not bothering to look anymore in the mirror. He stepped into the warm pouring water and immediately he felt everything melt away, it was momentarily but what wasn't honestly momentarily? Even life is momentarily. We're alive for a couple of dozens of years, before that we're unborn for millions and millions of years and once we're dead that's forever. Eventually everyone dies. Eventually everything goes extinct. When that happens petty things such as screwed up love or a broken heart won't matter anymore. So if life was priced so highly for being so great despite just being momentarily and so easy to screw up why couldn't a shower be? It was also priced highly (because otherwise everyone would stink.) and it was also momentarily and just as life it felt good when you were doing it right, but if you got shampoo in your eye then all of a sudden everything goes to shit and you're standing there trying to clean out your burning eye. And this past year sure had been one hell of a whole fucking shampoo bottle in Dan's metaphorical eyes. He had thought that he had been on his way to get it out but now he had just gotten himself even more loaded up with shampoo and it burned.

Why on earth did I start comparing life with taking a shower? What even is this?

He shook off the confusing thoughts and stepped out off the shower and just stood a while dripping onto the bathroom carpet. Sometimes living's to hard. His fringe fell in his eyes and he felt the drips of water rolling down his spine dropping down onto the carpet or the cold tiled floor. He looked up into the steamy mirror completely fogged by the water vapour and he was actually rather glad as he didn't really see himself in the mirror. Turning around he grabbed a towel from the hanger behind him and started to dry himself humming. When he had dried of he put the towel round his head and unlocked the door.
Still being completely naked he ran throughout his whole apartment to the reach his bedroom were he kept all his clothes. He got dressed in some sweatpants and a grey hoodie as a man opposed to socks he did reason quite a bit with himself whether it was cold enough for socks or not. But as a particularly hard gust of wind rattled his window he quickly decided and pulled on some thick knitted socks and shuffled out to the lounge where he planed to be laying for the rest of the night looking up ridiculously ways out, like a space trip to Mars.

Mars actually seems like a fairly cool option nowadays.

But happens had just barely sat down when he heard someone knocking at his door he confused check his phone which showed almost nine pm, who the hell would want him anything at this time of the day?

But nevertheless he lazily made his way to the hall to open up the door to who ever might be on the other side. He stopped and started to unlock the door and as the person on the other side heard him unlock the door the door handle was pulled out of his hand and someone launched at him pinning him against the wall pressing their chapped but yet soft lips against his. It took him a second to even comprehend what was happening but when he did he gladly kissed back in a state of mind far happier than ever before. He had now idea how or why but the actual Phil Lester were hungrily pressing his lips against Dan's and Dan couldn't do anything but kiss back.

Is this what an happy ending feels like? Those are rare aren't they?

~~~

I'd like to dedicate this chapter to @Nokire as well because she's still really sweet bothering to still keep up with all the shit I put out! Thank you!