Brutally Honest Reviews™

Onyx and Gold

-How can you expect readers to want open a book that doesn't even have the slightest decency to address its own characters by name?!

-Also, it is best friend, not "bestfriend".

-Anyway, both of the summaries had no improvement, and it makes me want to weep for you. Summarizing isn't even that hard?! Why is this such an obstacle for you all? It's you own story for Christ sake?! I'm being a bit mean, but suck it up, BHR has become boot camp now. I haven't eaten gummy bears in a while, so this is what happens.

-In conclusion: Get it together! (-10)

Plot: I'm going to give it to you straight man: this plot is so fucking flat. What in the hell?!

-From what the summary just said, all I can look forward to is some irrelevant prince who fell in love with his arranged wife's best friend (what a snake) because he is messy, and now has to choose between love and his kingdom.

*Stares into the camera*

-Clichés can be pulled off in my opinion, no doubt, but this? This isn't giving the readers that much to work with, and it's only happening because of the lackluster summary. For all we know, this story's plot can be so crazy, but it isn't being delivered well with that horrid summary. Fix it Jesus!

*Throws the entire holy water bottle at you*

Opening thoughts: I want you to redeem yourself, please don't let this end bad. Please.

*Braces for impact*

-*Peaks through fingers*

-Huh.

-This is in present tense, that's pleasantly new.

-I'm also not dead...

-Why did I feel like this was going to happen?

-I spoke too soon. Already, you're jumping tenses. I kind of feel attacked too. It was so damn random and abrupt. Lifesaving tip for everyone: stick with one tense throughout the entire book. (-3)

-The entire "On the coffee table..." paragraph is in past tense. It's like you forgot you were writing in present tense or something. It's severely off-putting.

-I also kind of lied, your opening sentence suffers from wordiness (I feel you though, I struggle with this as well). The sentence should have ended after "hospice", but of course, you hate me and you don't want yourself to prosper.

-The sentence that comes after it can be re-worded to this: Irritation never settles over any of the residents during the routines. Well, almost no one.

Characters:

-The old man. I like how his appearance was described, I could picture him quite well. Eh, he's pretty boring at the moment—Sike! He just killed a roach, and now I'm sold. I like him.

-The nurse girl: irrelevant and one dimensional. Aka, I don't care to comment about her. (-5)

-The characters are exceedingly boring. The old man seems to have something going for him though (he kills roaches and I can see the friendship transpiring already), since he seems to be telling the story and seems to have some type of depth to him. Can't see it all the way right now, but I can sense it. Through my...loins.

-Princess Louisa May. Besides her hilarious name, from what I can tell she seems to be a level-headed individual, intelligent, and boring. There really isn't anything intriguing about her at the moment, this is of course subjective, she isn't...unlikable. If for some reason a flying rock was to come and smash her into smithereens, I would probably gasp and think about the what-ifs for her character before moving on with my day. Don't feel too bad though since I dislike most characters (or at least feel very little for them), and the story has just begun. I'm sure Louisa has a long way to go. Hopefully.