Bucky Barnes Random One Shots

Panic Attack

WARNING: It's pretty much said in the title, but just be aware that there is a panic attack involved in this one shot. I have never experienced one of these so I apologise if I get anything wrong, I'm just basing this off of what I've already read.

Nervously you knocked on the door to the Avengers living quarters. After a few moments you were greeted at the door by Sam Wilson. You hadn't really talked to him one on one before but since you had been with your boyfriend Bucky and he had brought you back here a few times you had seen him in passing.
"Oh, hi!" He said a little surprised. "Your Bucky's girlfriend right?"
Well at least I think I still am. You thought to yourself.
"Yeah." You smiled. "I'm Kelly." Even you could sense the unease in your own voice.
"And I'm Sam Wilson, nice to meet you Kelly." He beamed at you.
You shuffled around on your feet.
"Have um, have you seen Bucky today? I haven't heard from him all morning?" You asked.
He frowned and then looked down and shook his head.
"Your not turning into one of those creepy stalker girlfriends are you?" He sighed. "You know, he really likes you and the last thing he nee-"
"Sam." You cut him off with a little laugh. "He was meant to pick me up an hour ago. Don't worry, I'm not creepy." You smirked.

The point was that not only had he not been there to pick you up, but you hadn't gotten a good morning text that day like you always did, or heard from it at all. You weren't sure if you'd done something wrong to upset him or what.
"Okay few." Sam laughed. "Come on in. He's probably just overslept or something, it is only 10am."
"Yeah maybe." You nodded as he stepped out of the way for you.
You hadn't actually thought of that idea yet and it made you feel a little better.
"Thanks." You mumbled and gave him a small smile as you walked inside the large communal area.

Surprisingly, no one else appeared to be around.
"Did you want a drink?" Sam asked as he crossed over to the kitchen.
"No thanks, I think I'm just gonna go find Bucky and make sure he's alright." You said.
"Okay sure, it was nice to meet you Kelly, I'll see you later." Sam said kindly.
You smiled at him and walked off down the hall to where you knew Bucky's room was.

As you got to the door you heard nothing but silence. Maybe he had just over slept.
Stupid dork. You thought to yourself with a laugh and smiled at the thought of how cute and happy he looked sleeping.
You knocked on the door.
"Bucky?" You called softly.
There was no reply.
"Bucky wake up." You cooed and knocked again.
When there was still nothing you decided to just go in. Whatever he was doing it wasn't like you hadn't seen him naked in bed before and what could be worse than that? You opened the door to find the room still dark. At first you could hardly see anything but the closer you got to the bed the more clear it became that he wasn't in there. You frowned confused and were just about to go see if he was in the ensuite bathroom when you heard what sounded like a sharp intake of breath.

You whipped around to where it came from and as your eyes adjusted to the darkness you could see a figure hunched over the dressing table in the corner.
"Bucky?" You gasped and walked closer to him.
It definitely was him. The long, dark hair hung over his face so that you couldn't see it but the glint of the metal arm gave it away.
"Bucky, what's wrong?" You asked unsurely.
In reply you only got a grunt and a series of short, panicked sounding breaths.
You had never seen him like this before. Sure you had heard all about his past by now but you had never seen him like this and you weren't sure what was happening. As you came closer, you saw that his flesh arm was trembling violently and his metal arm was twitching and making quite vibrating noises from the amount of pressure he was putting on it with the way he was clutching onto the corners of the dressing table aggressively. You could already see what looked like claw marks etched into the wooden surface and judging by the way he was gripping onto the table for dear life, the whole corner was about to break off. Then it hit you and you gasped. He was having a panic attack.
"Oh Buck." You sighed both sadly and terrified.
You didn't know what to do. Carefully, you came up beside him and brushed some of his hair back behind his ear so that you could see his face. His eyes were screwed shut and his brows were knitted together. His jaw was clenched  and his teeth were gritted. A series of whimpers and erratic breaths were leaving his mouth and his forehead was covered in sweat.
"Baby, your gonna be okay." You said softly and stroked his cheek.
The minute your skin touched his he flinched.
"Shhh." You said soothingly.
"Get out of here Kelly." He grunted.
"What? No James. I'm staying right here with you." You insisted
"I don't want to hurt you." He muttered. "Just stay back."
"Bucky, whatever it is your seeing, it's not your fault, your safe here with me." You assured him and placed a hand on his chest.
You could feel how fast his heart was beating.
"But you don't know what could come next and I don't want you to be around to see it or get hurt." He managed to get out.
You took a step back, obeying his orders.
"Okay." You breathed. "But just know, I'm right here if you need me."

You stood back helplessly for a few moments until you couldn't stand watching him suffer any longer. You crept around behind him and placed a gentle hand on his bare back to let him know that you were there. When he didn't flinch at your touch you slowly enveloped him into a hug and you could feel his taught muscles trembling as he stood there so tense and scared of who knows what. He trembled beneath you and you placed a kiss at the base of his neck.
"Your okay baby. Your safe." You whispered against his skin. "Just relax. Breath. Your fine."
Slowly, after much coaxing, you felt him begin to relax beneath you and his heart beat and breathing rate started to steady back to something resembling normalcy. You kept him in your arms until all of a sudden he collapsed down onto his knees beneath you. His face was hidden in his forearms which were resting on the bedside dresser. He started to shake and sob. Your heart broke into thousands of pieces when you realised he was crying.
"Bucky." You said softly as you uncurled yourself from him. "Bucky, look at me. Your gonna be alright."
Carefully, you tried to slip around so that you were in front of him and you pryed him away from the table so that you could sit in his lap.

He was still trying to hide his face from you so you lifted his chin with your finger and forced him to look at you. He was still crying. The face you saw in front of you was one of a broken man. His blue eyes were bloodshot, and puffy, the lids rimmed with red. They clouded and full of tears, which also painted his cheeks. His skin was pale in contrast with the dark bags under his eyes. He was still trying to avoid your gaze.
"Bucky, look at me." You repeated almost sternly.

Finally he looked up at you, his big blue orbs shiny and distant. You stroked his cheek and wiped away a tear. He took a shaky, deep breath.
"I'm sorry you had to see that Kelly." He sniffled.
"It's okay, it's not your fault." You whispered.
"So do you want to leave me now?" He suddenly blurted out.
"What? No? Why would I ever want that? I love you Buck?" You asked incredulously.
"Because who wants to be with and put up with someone like me who is mentally ill. Because let's face it, I'm not well and I never will be completely right ever again." He muttered and looked down ashamed.
"James." You started seriously, changing your position so that you were sitting in front of him and holding his hands. "I love you more than anything and I'm not just going to leave you because of something that is out of your control. Yes, The Winter Soldier is a part of you now but he isn't who you truly are. I know your an amazing person and I'm going to help you through this and love you even more afterwards." You whispered and leaned up to kiss him.
He eventually kissed back.
"I love you." He mumbled against your lips.