Summertime Sadness (James McAvoy fanfiction)

Chapter 49: "When You're Gone"

''I've pronounced it well, I guess.'' He replied holding my hand in his. ''But yeah, I asked and searched for some ways to say it in German, exactly some music.''

''This is the best thing that ever happened to me, Jesus.'' I sighed raising my free hand. ''I just can't handle you talking to me in German.''

''You're so exaggerated sometimes.'' He sighed and then laughed. I nodded my head taking a deep breath. ''But I love you.''

Let's be honest, that did touch my heart and soul way too much. It wasn't just the simple sentence that we, normally, didn't say that much like other couples did. When you are broken, you feel it more intense. So I did that time. I felt the luckiest person in the world, with someone by my side all of the time. I squeezed his hand strongly, looking at the rooftop while the tears fell off the outer corners of my eyes. But I couldn't help myself anymore. My pocket was vibrating because of my phone, so I didn't have another choice. I told James to pick it up for me while I tried to calm myself.

Both of them spoke a bit until James handed me the phone.

''Goodnight, aunt.'' I said while I cleaned my nose area with a tissue.

''Have you been crying, honey?'' She asked me worriedly.

''No, I'm just... I'm not having a good time.'' I sighed, looking down while James stroked my back.

''My dear.'' She sighed too before speak again. ''I've got some news, but I don't think it's time to tell you.''

''Don't worry, whatever it is, I want to know.'' I replied.

''It's about your mother's heritage.'' She said. ''That guy... Joey, everything is his now, even your father's things.''

''What?'' I asked without believe it. ''You must be joking, I did read those papers at least twice, and they said everything belonged to us.''

''I cannot tell you more about it, my child.'' She said. ''Probably your mother did it before she died, when you had that situation.''

''Okay, I'll call you tomorrow morning because it's a bit late, also I have to check out everything.'' I sighed. Later I hung up.

''You okay?'' James asked looking at me. It was already night.

''The heritage is Joey's now.'' I said shaking my head, the one about to explode. ''Even part of my father's too.''

''How's that?'' He asked again, looking at me confused.

''I don't know.'' I mumbled. ''Take me home, please.''

-

''Try to sleep, come on.'' James mumbled sleepy after getting up to take some sleeping pills, with husky voice and his arm around my waist while we were in bed. ''It's been a long day. A long week.''

''I cannot.'' I whispered. He rested his head on my breast, still with his eyes closed. I kissed the top of his head, running my fingers through his hair smoothly. ''I just don't understand anything.''

''Give yourself some time.'' He replied, yawning. ''Babe, this is going to end you.''

''I know... I know James.'' I sighed, rubbing my forehead. ''But what should I do?''

''Sleep and keep calm, tomorrow you will see things from another point of view.'' He said opening one eye. ''I know the pain inside your chest is bigger, but try, please.''

''I love you.'' I whispered, kissing his lips lightly before closing my eyes to finally fall asleep and rest after a few days without.

I didn't let go of his hand all the time we slept. Wisely I didn't make my way to Russia as I first thought. But first thing first, and if I wanted to take one more step to the future, I had to made the right choices one more time, or for once. It would hurt, but if you want to heal your wounds, the cleaning process does hurt a lot. But you aren't going to die because of that, it's just a process, like it's been mentioned before.

''James, it's time to tell you about something.'' I said when we were at the kitchen having breakfast the next morning.

''You just scare the shit out of me when you say that sentence.'' James sighed, looking at me after serving himself a coffee. I nodded my head lightly.

''I guess I'm going to ask for some therapy.'' I said, staring at my own cup. ''I just cannot let myself run away to avoid problems, and this is getting harder than I thought.''

''Fair enough.'' He said, walking towards me to put his hand over my shoulder. ''Perhaps it's the best choice you can make.''

''But I don't want you to think that...'' I mumbled with a lump in my throat again.

''I don't need you to explain anything.'' He replied. ''I do understand.''

''Do you?'' I asked, looking into his eyes.

''I do.'' He smiled. ''But just if you are sure you want to.''

''I am.'' I nodded my head, embracing him then. ''Or I guess so.''

''At least you are asking for help, and I'm proud of you because of that.'' I heard him say.

''But I still am a loser.''