Publicity

Chapter 15: I Need Him

It felt like an eternity before I actually reached the studio parking lot. Luckily there were no paparazzi or fans waiting outside. I took a second, trying to even my breathing. I was still a hysterical mess. The receptionist at the front desk looked up but once she realized it was me, she went straight back to work. I walked down the hall to the studio Ray records at. Studio B. I didn't even realize that I had began crying again. Instead of knocking like I usually do, I swung the door open and walked in. It wasn't the time to be subtle. I just needed Ray. I couldn't help but wonder when I suddenly became so dependent on him. Everyones head snapped towards my direction.

Ray was just exiting the booth when he saw me. "Nique?" The look of confusion and concern took over his facial features.

I probably looked like a big mess. Without saying a word or any sort of explanation, I ran towards him and wrapped my arms around his neck, hiding my face in the crook of his neck. Ray stumbled backwards a bit, not expecting me to hug him with such force. His arms immediately wrapped around me and hugged me back. I could feel myself shaking from trying to hold in my sobs. I already felt 10x times better, all because of a simple hug from him.

"Shhh baby." Ray mumbled in my ear, placing feather like kisses on the side of my face. I'm guessing everyone else that was in the room must have gotten the picture because I heard the door click shut and we were alone in the dim lit studio.

Ray never asked what was wrong. He simply stood there and held me until I was calm enough to make my way over to the tan sofa. He pulled me onto his lap. I snuggled as close as possible, resting my head on his shoulder. He laced his left hand through my right. It had got to the point where I was only sniffling and the occasional hiccup.

Ray brushed my bangs out of my face. "Nique?" He whispered, probably checking if it was okay for him to talk.

"Hm?" I barely managed to respond.

"Are you okay?" His voice was laced with so much concern I couldn't help but feel my heart warm. I lifted my head off his shoulder in order to see his face. Ray's light brown eyes bore into mine as his eyebrows curved inward.

"No." It was the first word I had spoken since the doctors office and it came out sounding extremely hoarse.

"What happened?" That's all I needed to hear in order to pour my heart out to him.

I told him about by grandpa being sick. I told him that there was nothing I could did to save him. I also mentioned that the pain of losing him would be unbareable. Ray's extremely close to his grandparents. He could only imagine what I was going through. I softly cried, surprised I haven't run out of tears yet. I could of sworn that a few tears had escaped Ray's eyes as well.

"I have to tell him." I shook my head. My voice was so raspy that it didn't even sound like my own. That screaming I did must have damaged my throat. I could only imagine how pissed my vocal coach and Claire are gonna be when they hear me talk. But that's the last of my worries.

"Tell him what?" Ray asked, playing with my fingers.

"That this is fake. This is a stunt." I muttered.

His head snapped up. "Nique, you don't have to do that."

"Yes I do." I frowned. I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt otherwise. "He's gonna hate me." I whispered.

"Nique." Ray spoke gently. "You shouldn't make this about the stunt. You should make this about your grandpa. Fuck everything else. All you need to focus on is your grandpa." In a lot of ways, Ray was right. But he was also wrong. Sure, I should be focused on just spending time with my grandpa but if he passes away and I'm still holding onto this lie.... I just don't want to feel guilty and regret not telling him when I had the chance.