Roman, I Love You

Learning To Live (II)

The song I posted realllllyyy fits them and when I heard it I knew immediately that Scarlett would really identify with it, so definitely check it out! Only a few more chapters left! - Lyse xoxo

************************

When I got there, I did my best to keep my eyes from searching for him. I found my little sister and she told me that Nat and Roman were constantly having their attention in demand. There were people from the press, investors, possible clients, employees, and friends. They all wanted their piece. I was thankful for their distraction. It allowed me to find a high table on the second floor balcony that allowed me to nurse my drink as I watched the room below me. His parents were there along with Nat's, but I avoided both sets.

For the majority of the night, I did not catch a glimpse of Roman once, though I was doing my best not to see him if I am being honest with myself. The truth was that it was inevitable. I did see him, eventually. He was all the way across the room and he was next to Nat talking to some people. When my eyes fell on him the air went out of the room. It was almost like I forgot what he looked like, but I still remembered him so completely. He had his hair slicked back and a fitting suit. He looked like a god with his bright eyes and an infectious smile.

I could see the sure, confident set of his shoulders and I wondered if he was the same Roman from the couch or if he was the one from that first night. I could not tear my eyes away from him. After the time apart, it seemed that nothing had dimmed within me, and yet I could not bring myself to go to him. I still could not do it.

As I wondered if his body was still in tune with mine, his eyes rose as if searching and then they stopped on me. I could see him trail off whatever he was saying. Nat saw where his focus had gone as he followed Roman's gaze to me. He picked up where Roman had left off, because Roman did not take his eyes off of me.

His expression was blank, I could not see what he was thinking. After a few more moments, the people left and Nat turned his attention to his friend, putting a hand on his elbow as he said something. Roman's gaze flickered to Nat for a moment before it was back on me. My stomach was twisted in a knot as my heart picked up. It was time for fight or flight.

In the end, it was flight. I put down the glass I had little to drink from and grabbed my purse as I got down from my chair. His eyes stayed burning on me, I could feel them. As I headed towards the stairs that were far closer to the exit than he was, I saw Avery coming up. I apologized to her and told her to congratulate Nat and Roman for me and that I was going to go to Mom's where Jamie was as I rushed past her. She agreed and told me she loved me.

I was not running, but I was moving quickly, because it was too much that I was not ready for just yet. I asked the valet to bring my car as quick as possible, and just as he was handing me the keys I heard my name. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as my body rocked in place.

His footsteps approached me as I took a few moments to turn around and look up at him. It was a cool night and most of the light was coming from the bright building behind Roman. A breeze was lightly blowing between around us. I hoped that the people out there were not looking at us. In silence, we looked at each other up close for the first time in months. He looked the same as ever and I wondered if he thought that I looked any different. His breath was a little unsteady and I realized that he had run.

I was the first one to break the silence, "Hello Roman."

He took a step forward, as he responded, "Scarlett," his voice was breathy and then he got it under control, "Nat said that he was not sure you'd even come. I didn't think that you wanted to."

"I wasn't sure either. I'm proud of you though. Both of you." I told him.

He nodded, and I still could not really read his expression. "You're leaving?" He asked even though it was obvious that I was.

I nodded too, and then said, "Yeah, I'm sorry. I was just going to head to my mom's." I could see the question in his eyes, he knew I never wanted to go to my parents house, or more specifically my father's. "My parents got a divorce." I told him.

"Happy to hear that," his mouth finally cracked a small smile, but it was not at his eyes yet.

"Yeah, it's been a lot better. I've been better." I said. "You look good, Roman. Congratulations, you deserve it." I complimented as I smiled, and then I turned to go to my car with my heart twisting.

As I opened my car door he called my name once more and said, "You look different." And finally, the smile reached his eyes.

"Thank you. I had hoped so." I grinned and then I got into the car.

When I got to my mother's Jamie was still awake and he told me he had something very important to ask Grandma and me. We sat down in the family room, confused, but ready. It was so strange to see our little goofball, who was so constantly happy and full of energy, so serious. My mind was racing, and I did my best to quiet it.

He began. "Mommy loves Daddy, and Mommy is a girl and Daddy is boy. Grandma is a girl and Grandpapa is a boy, and they were together for a long, long time. Auntie Scarlett, you are a girl and Roman is boy, and you love each other too. Does that mean that since I am supposed to be a boy, I should only love girls like that?" He asked.

My mother and I both felt the weight of the Jamie in front of us and the Jamie we lost. They were different people, but they had so much in common. This time around, we were here to get it right. And we vowed that we would.

"Jamie honey, you can love whoever you want, no matter what anyone has to say." I told him.

"And honey, you aren't supposed to be a boy. You are supposed to be whoever and whatever you want to be. And nothing less, my darling." As my mother spoke to him, his mouth widened in a big relieved smile.

"Okay," Jamie said, "Great. I'm gonna tell Mommy and Daddy when they get home!" Jamie exclaimed.

A while later, after Jamie had gone to bed, my mom and I sat down. I talked to her about seeing Roman again after so long. And she asked me a question I was not sure how to answer: "Is he someone you still see a future with?"

The thing was, in reality he was never someone I saw a future with, because I never saw a future in the first place. My whole life had been centered on when and how I was going to die. Since I was giving the whole living thing a try, I was still a little lost on all the planning and whatnot. I told her the truth about not really knowing. I still missed him all of the time, but I was not sure that I was who or where I wanted to be just yet.