The Teenage Guide To Loneliness [Book 2 in the Teenage Guide Series]

Chapter 13: Torn

"You have exactly five minutes," Carter hissed, crossing her arms over her chest. She gave him her meanest glare possible, and hoped it would invoke some fear in him.

"I should've called you. I don't know why I didn't. Two weeks ago my parents told me that I could either stay in New York with them, finish school there, or I could come back to Newton for my Senior year. Before they gave me that option I thought I'd never see you again." He paused. Waited. Stared at her, then looked away. He stepped towards her slowly, but then stopped abruptly. Waited again.

What was he doing? Trying to start a dance? Carter swallowed a nasty retort, realizing that it probably wouldn't be smart to start an actual fight. So far he hadn't said anything of value to her - simply apologizing doesn't change the past. It also doesn't make up for times lost.

"That day at my house, I know I told you I'd come back. But as soon as I got on the plane it was like everything was over. How was I supposed tell you that?"

"I'm sure you could've thought of something - I mean you only had three months to figure it out," she said, again trying to keep her tone level, her temper down. If last year had taught her anything, it was to remain cool in chaotic situations. "How do you expect me to react right now? Would you have even called me to stay goodbye, if your parents had never given you the option of coming back?"

"I honestly don't know.  What I do know is that I messed up big time. I was an asshole and I'm sorry. The last thing I wanted, that I would ever want, is to hurt you."

Well you have a funny way of showing it, she thought bitterly. No, don't start a fight. Stay calm. Stay calm. She breathed in slowly, evenly. "I guess we were both a little messed up. I was totally selfish before, for asking you to stay when I knew you should be with your family. But that didn't give you the right to ignore me all this time."

"I wasn't ignoring you. I was... trying to figure things out." This time, when he inched closer to her, he didn't move back again. He remained still, his eyes locked on hers. Even in the dreary darkness of the night, she could see the pain. "You were right though, before. We should've gone back to being friends."

Carter didn't know if she was waiting for him to say something more; anything, to make her forgive him wholeheartedly. To push her to jump into his arms, and they would kiss, and everything would be okay. Or perhaps she was waiting for it to end once and for all. It was a heartbreaking shame, not being able to delve into a lively conversation, to rewind time and start over. It was like she had lost a part of her - a giant chunk that she felt she would never get back again.  "Maybe we could... I don't know... take it slow? Try being friends now? It might be awkward for a while, but at least it's something."

He was silent at first, and for a second she was sure he was about to say 'I can't just be your friend'  like he had done a million times last year. Though when he spoke, even just the one word, it was filled more inscrutable uncertainty than she could handle. "Okay."

She hugged herself as a chill in the air washed over her, like she feeling a Dementor nearby. "Okay. So... I'll see you at school on Monday?"

"Okay," he repeated, even more unsure than before. "I really am sorry."

"So am I."

***

"So how did it go with Seth?" Carter asked Tala on Monday. She had decided against telling her about how Sawyer had rudely stood her up, how Kiran had shown up at her door at one-thirty in the morning, and how her night had been an overall huge disappointment. It was time to focus on someone else's problem, on someone else's love life.