The Teenage Guide To Loneliness [Book 2 in the Teenage Guide Series]

Chapter 1: Strawberry Wine

Somewhere between chaos and calm, Carter Vance got stuck. It was like a prickly but still totally carefree feeling, like the kind you get after the roller-coaster ride is over. Your skin is still tingling, but your heart is slowing down, and your mind is at complete ease. As the world around Carter came to an absolute point of truth, that's exactly how she felt.

There wasn't much she could about her situation; first day of senior year, not a single friend in the world, not even Tala Ansari around to make her feel inferior. Though in the obvious sadness she felt like she could start over. Make new friends. Make new plans. Make new mistakes. She was over all the crap that happened the year before. Over all the drama and all the chaos. All she could do now was make a clean break and hope everything turns out for the best.

As she stepped through the giant front doors of Newton High, she breathed in the strange air of a new beginning. She had decided to go back to her usual style of clothing. Jeans and t-shirt. No make-up. Hair undone. Normal. Not someone who looked like she went to a rich, stuffy, New York, upper east side private school. Or whatever Ashton Rhodes's style was. 

The scene before her didn't seem any different. Same slight frenzy of the first day of school. Same muffled sounds of students, talking, walking, headphone music louder than it should be. Carter took it as a good sign, that while her own world may have changed, the greater world would always be the constant.

She took a deep breath, reminded herself that her past problems weren't even that bad to begin with, and made her way to her locker. 

"Carter! Hey, Carter!"

And there's the constant, Carter thought. She faced the person the voice belonged to, and was surprised to find Sterling Foster there, Dawn right behind. A slight, aching, cautioning feeling began creeping up in Carter's stomach, "Oh... hi."

"I just wanted to apologize for everything that happened last year. We're really sorry. It got, like, way out of hand."

Thinking she could make a clean break was probably naive. Like thinking you can settle into a broken house right after a tornado hit and pretend like it wasn't a huge mess. "It's totally fine. I'm over it."

"We should've called you over the summer. I'm really, really, really sorry. We wanna make it up to you now."

"Oh no, that's not necessary-"

"Please Carter?" Sterling stared at Carter with eyes too wide, a face too eager. Dawn pressed her lips together, maybe a little reluctant, but didn't say anything. 

Was it smart to forgive? It was indeed a step towards a fresh start. But was Sterling's apology something that was even necessary in that quest? She was the one responsible for taking away Tala Ansari's scholarship. She was the one who aligned herself with Ashton Rhodes, the Spawn of Satan. She was the one who tried to plant drugs into Carter's locker, and all because of some rumour that Carter had fooled around with Dawn's ex-boyfriend. "Seriously guys, you don't need to. I actually forgot most of what happened anyway."

"If you're sure-"

"I'm sure. Anyway I gotta get to class. I'll see you later." Carter gave them both a much-too-wide smile before facing her locker again. She waited, held a small breath, and hoped that they'd get the hint and leave. When she heard shuffling, she let that breath out.

It wasn't like she wanted to be a recluse. On the contrary, she wanted friends. She wanted to feel liked, by someone, anyone. What she didn't want was the petty melodrama of last year to creep back into her life. Maybe she could find someone different to talk to, in one of her classes. Someone who had never heard of her. Someone who was completely detached from the theatrical social situations of high school. Maybe a new student.

Maybe Leigh?

A tiny piercing overtook her soul. This time last year she was listening to Leigh Brighton go on about a dress she wanted to make for Homecoming. How had they gone from that moment to today? To practically strangers? She had only seen Leigh once throughout the summer, at a festival, and besides a rather forced 'hi' they had both pretended as if they didn't know each other. The fact that they were no longer best friends was a difficult truth, one her head had been trying to accept, but her heart was pushing away. 

This is all her fault, Carter thought bitterly. If Leigh hadn't been so obsessed with popularity, she wouldn't have pushed Carter into that world. They would've still been friends. Everything wouldn't been just the way it was. Then again, Kiran might've still confessed his feelings. Carter might've still kept it from Leigh. And a giant wedge might've formed regardless of any popularity quest. Maybe they were doomed no matter what.

But the time for placing blame had come and gone.

None of it mattered anymore.

Stop being bitter, Carter. Remember, a fresh start. She rounded a corner, ready to take the bull by the horns, when the image she faced nearly knocked the wind out of her. There was Leigh, laughing it up with Georgie Hudson and Elena Trace. But she was almost unrecognizable. The main feature that set Leigh apart, her burning red hair, was now a shade of light bright. Regular. Maybe boring. Like she had gone through a head transplant.

Before Carter could compose herself and walk away, Leigh saw her.  Their eyes locked. Their souls may as well have locked too. A sad little smile appeared on Leigh's face, as if feeling sorry that they were no longer friends, but happy that she was now the popular one while Carter was left in the dark.

For a moment it seemed like Leigh wanted to say something, to walk up to her, to gloat, to forgive, to want to be friends again, to laugh at her. Anything. But the moment disappeared just as quickly as it came. Leigh turned her attention back to Georgie and Elena, neither of whom had noticed Carter.

Feeling more dejected than before, Carter's shoulder fell. She walked off quickly, not wanting to see anything or anyone else that might upset her. If she was lucky, she would go through the rest of the day without anyone talking to her. 

***

Reality was overrated.

That was the conclusion that Tala Ansari had drawn.

For the past three months she had spent every waking hour obsessing over project after project at Lorenzo de' Medici in Italy, where she had enrolled for a Summer semester. Despite all the drama of Junior year at Newton, she had still managed to finish with excellent grades, which had opened the doors for her to attend one of the most prestigious schools in Europe. She had been branded as the brightest, the best, poised to have a magnificent future. But now that it was all coming to an end, she felt desperate, alone, and horribly unsure of everything. It didn't help that the program had ended a week into the start of a regular school year.

What she needed to decide, and quickly, was whether she wanted to go back to Newton for Senior Year, or take a shot at a private school. Someplace better. Someplace less dramatic, and less pathetic. But starting over, for an entire year, at a completely new school seemed dramatic all on its own. Wasn't it better to deal with the devil you knew, rather than dealing with the devil you didn't? 

Maybe she could even call up Carter, check to see what classes she was taking, and schedule her own so that they'd share a few.

But then she'd probably have to listen to the girl go on for hours about Kiran Jones.

And that was a name she never wanted to hear again.