The Teenage Guide To Loneliness [Book 2 in the Teenage Guide Series]

Chapter 10: Don't Tell Me

Stay calm. Stay calm. Carter had to repeat this to herself for what might as well have been a million times. It was important to have control over the situation, because if she fell into one of her crazy-dramatic spells, the guys who started this list would win. But she supposed that with all the slut-sneezes and whore-coughs that followed her throughout the hallways, that they'd technically won anyway.

For the past fifteen minutes she had been frantically searching for Tala, needing someone to tell her that it wasn't a big deal, that boys were stupid. Though as the school emptied out for the day, and there wasn't a single trace of Tala anywhere, Carter finally gave up and headed out the main doors of Newton High.

"Screw everyone," she mumbled to herself, making her way down the giant front steps.

"Dirty. I like it."

The voice made her jump. The content made her a little angry. When she realized it had been Sawyer, practically the only person in school who didn't stare at her with either pity or disgust, the anger disappeared. "Oh, hi. Sorry."

"Don't be. Let it all out."

They walked down the outside pathway together, passing more students who threw Carter disgusted glances and insults. "Have you seen the list?"

"Which list?" Sawyer asked. He seemed unbothered by the negative attention Carter was attracting. Or maybe he wasn't paying enough mind to their surroundings to even notice.

"The one scoring girls? It's really gross."

"Haven't seen it. But let me guess, you're on it."

"Yes, unfortunately. All the girls in my year are."

"And you got a score you're not happy with?"

"Any score is gross. What right do any of these guys think they have to score anyone?"

"You wanna scream?"

"Excuse me?"

"Come on, scream. Like I said, let it all out. I promise you'll feel better."

"I'm not going to scream. I don't need people to think I'm any more of a freak, thanks."

Sawyer side-stepped in front of her, facing her with a devilish yet totally handsome look of disapproval. They came to a halt. "Has anyone ever told you that you care way too much about what others think?"

"Only everyone I've ever met," she admitted, frowning.

"Okay, I've got an idea; we skip school on Monday, and we go to the piers. My parents've got this boat. I can steal the keys and we can go for a cruise. It'll be like an extra-long weekend."

"That sounds crazy," she said, smiling nervously.

"Crazy good, right? Come on Carter, what're you afraid of?"

The one thing she was afraid of, that she was always afraid of, was that he was playing her. That this was a set-up. That someone had dared him to make a fool of her. But that kind of mindset hadn't been hers before last year, and she wasn't going to let it become part of her world now. No matter how intense or alarming the moment felt. Then again, she didn't really know him well enough to go on a boat with him. "I don't know... we could get in trouble."

Sawyer drew closer to her, and she hoped that her face wasn't as red as she thought it was. His lips spread into a rather mischievous smile, "Well hey, we don't have to do that. I'm sure we'll think of something else to do to keep you distracted."

Had the temperature suddenly increased, or was it just her that was hot? "Um, I... gotta go. I'm late for something."

Was he going to get upset? Become horribly disillusioned and stop pursuing her? Fortunately his eyes still suggested a glimpse of playfulness. He then stepped aside and out of her path, "Okay. We'll see each other tonight anyway. I'll pick you up at seven."

Shit. I forgot. We have a date. The appearance of the list had given her a momentary brain freeze. 

~

What do teens do on dates anyway? Carter had never officially been on one. Even last year, with Aiden and Kiran, they had always gone to parties, or to each other's houses. Never actually out-out, to a restaurant or wherever it was that guys took girls when they wanted to impress them. As Carter rummaged through her closet for something decent to wear, she imagined what the date would be like.

Candlelight. A giant, crystal chandelier. Expensive, gourmet dinner. Violins. Wait, we're not a couple of thirty-year-olds. Maybe a hotdog vendor. Batting cages. The Newton Orchestra house, empty, so they could yell and sing as loud as they wanted. Then they'd spend a half an hour running away from the bubbling security guard chasing them with one of those small bats. Carter smiled to herself. That was probably a step too far.

She then imagined how Leigh would react. She pictured herself getting ready while Leigh offered her fashion advise, did her make-up, gushed about how fun it was going to be. Carter would then promise Leigh that she'd tell her everything, in seriously great detail, so that Leigh could try to visualize it and they could take notes for next time.

When they were about twelve, maybe thirteen, they would describe their perfect dates to each other. Most of it was with celebrities. Carter had one where Zac Efron would take her go-karting, then to a field that overlooked one of those solar farms. They'd watch the sunset, let the light bounce off the panels and create this fantastical, beautifully romantic atmosphere. Then they'd kiss and hear music in the distance.

But she didn't expect something like that from Sawyer, or anyone in real life for that matter.

When the doorbell rang at seven, she felt her palms sweat. What if he thought she was a total loser? What if she embarrassed herself by obsessing over that stupid list, and he dumped her in public? What if the stars fell and the world caved in and she was swallowed whole? Don't be stupid, Carter. Just go out and have fun. What would Leigh think, if she saw you wallowing in your own pathetic paranoid? Hah, yeah right, as if Leigh ever thinks of you. She's probably out getting a stupid manicure with her stupid friends, while sipping on stupid lattes and laughing at how pathetic and stupid you are.

Carter rolled her eyes at herself, marched downstairs, and held her breath as she swung the door open.

***

The place was dark and roaring, full of already-drunk men hitting on anything with a skirt and a pulse. Tala wasn't sure what to do with herself. It wasn't her usual setting, and so trying to blend was proving rather difficult. She had been waiting for about ten minutes, and in those ten minutes three slurring, stumbling guys had attempted to buy her a drink. If there was going to be a second date, she would talk Seth into something more elegant. Like a walk in the park. Or a root canal. Anything that didn't involve a room filled with tipsy clowns.

When the lights dimmed even more, and a spotlight appeared on the small stage, Tala sat up. She had only heard Half Baked play once at one of Elena Trace's parties last year. They were somewhere between The 1975 and Spoon, except more focused on the colour of their skinny jeans than the meaning of their lyrics. They could've used the summer to improve though, so Tala decided it was only fair to give them, and Seth, a proper chance.

She had to admit that it was kind of wild seeing Seth walk onto the stage. He saw her, gave her a small smile, and took his spot at the very front. Two other guys positioned themselves behind instruments. She didn't recognize them at all, or maybe she just hadn't paid much attention to their faces last year. She did remember the third kid - a smarmy-looking guy who didn't quite fit in with the rest. If she had to guess she'd say he was the band's manager.

Had she ever heard Seth sing before? If she recalled correctly, someone else was the lead singer last time. Not Kiran. Someone who wasn't around this time.

Was this setting even right for their kind of band? What if people started throwing food or beer bottles at them? Isn't that what they did in places like this? Get angry if the music right? Start a bar fight?

But when the music did start, the crowd didn't riot.

They sat still, almost at awe, because Seth had a surprisingly amazing voice. And the band itself sounded brilliant. Even perfect. The right mix of rock and blues and loud honesty.