The Teenage Guide To Loneliness [Book 2 in the Teenage Guide Series]

Chapter 7: Devil On My Shoulder

Jealousy was an awful thing.

It twisted and curled, like a scaly demon inside you begging to be let out. There had been many times Carter had felt it, and it was usually for the most common things, like if someone had more money or if they were prettier or smarter. Recently, the person that had gobbled up every bit of jealousy Carter had was Tala Ansari. How can someone look like a supermodel, and yet be totally cool and fiercely intelligent?

The way Tala had talked about school, the worry for having a perfect transcript, had really scared Carter. For the past year all Carter had done was obsess over stupid parties and boys and what other girls thought of her. Sure, it had been part of an experiment, but she couldn't exactly deny that it had consumed her.

What was she supposed to do now? Yesterday she was set on starting fresh, but now it was like she was stuck in the shadows of self-doubt and regret.

On the bright side, Tala was actually back, so Carter wouldn't be doomed to roam the halls of Newton completely alone.

And then there was Sawyer Devlin. How ironic that he had a twin sister who was apparently friends with Leigh. If she hung out with him, she'd have to see those girls and she would always be reminded of badly she had messed everything up for herself. Maybe it was better to forget about him. After all, starting fresh included a world without useless drama.

"Don't worry about it. You've got plenty of time to fix up your transcript. Just pick some clubs to join. I doubt any of them are full yet," Tala said as they continued to stroll down the hallways.

"I wouldn't even know which one to join."

"Isn't there something you feel passionate about? Photography? Journalism? You could join the school's newspaper. Or what about Astrology?"

"I really like World History," Carter said. Though it was a pointless comment, since the subject was only offered as a course for Juniors, which she had already taken.

"Is that it? You must have some other interests."

"I guess... maybe art?"

"There's a pottery club, and one for painting. They bring in a nude model for that. Both clubs take trips to museums throughout the year. If you're serious about it then there are a bunch of art courses you could also take for credit. I'm sure there's still time to switch into them."

"How do you know all of that?" Carter asked, frustrated. How was Tala able to dive right into a course lesson when Carter couldn't even name a single club the school had? Stop it. Stop being so jealous. Next thing you know you'll be starting another experiment trying to prove that Jealousy really is a demon that's escaped a fantasy book. 

"Carter, do you even go to this school?"

"Yes?"

"Well then, maybe you should get your head out of your ass and pay attention to what's going on around you."

Carter scrunched her nose, then frowned. "You don't have to be so mean."

"I'm not being mean. I'm just telling you to get with the program. Wake up. And stop sounding so incredibly unsure all time."

"Fine. Is there anything else I can do, Queen Tala?" Carter said, a little spiteful. Though she knew Tala was right. As always. Carter had developed this strange habit of answering questions in forms of other questions. She didn't know when it had started, but if she had to guess, she'd say somewhere between the moment when Tala had verbally punished her in front of everyone at Elena's party, and the second Kiran climbed into that Taxi. Why bothering being sure of anything when everything would eventually die?

"No. That'll be all, pheasant," Tala replied, with more humour than anything else.

"Oh, by the way, Seth Sebastian asked me about you."

"Who?"

"He was in that band with Kiran last year, remember? He had kinda longish, shaggy blonde hair? He's cut his hair now... Anyway, I saw him in the library the other day, and he wanted me to give you his number."

"Don't do that. If he can't even come up to me himself-"

"Come on, he's nice. And I told him I wasn't sure you were even coming back. He doesn't know you're here."

"It's not just about that. I've got so much on my plate right now."

"But you'll break his little heart."

"Maybe if he actually talks to me first, we have a conversation, I'll consider it."

"Awesome. I'll let him know."

As they headed towards the cafeteria, Carter heard someone calling Tala's name. They turned only to find the girls, those girls, approaching them. As they drew closer, Carter felt as if her stomach was being compressed into a box of anxiety. It was both funny and sad, in a twisted, pathetic sort of way, that just a few months ago Carter had convinced herself she could handle anything. Now, the mere sight of these girls sent her straight into a tornado of pity and insecurity.

Leigh had plastered on the usual nervous half-smile, while the others looked less apologetic and more at ease. At least, their reaction to Tala was genuinely welcoming. 

Elena faced Tala, "So, I'm having this back-to-school get-together-"

"She means another mediocre party," Ashton cut in.

Elena ignored her and continued on with Tala, "And you're invited, obviously." She then faced Carter, like she was just noticing that someone else was there. "You can come too, if you like. I'm sure it won't be awkward for anyone."

"Yep, totally mediocre," Ashton spat.

"Thanks, but I don't think so."

"Yeah, I'm sure you've got plans to stay home, stare at a wall, think about what a pathetic loser you are," Ashton went on spitting out those words like daggers.

Carter tried to catch Leigh's eyes, see if there was a defence there, a sign that Leigh would dump this crowd and come back to the reality they used to share. But when Leigh turned away, shuffling her feet and biting her lower lip, Carter knew it wasn't going to happen. She then drew up a curt, forced smile, "Right, well... thanks again for the invite, but I'm definitely going to have to pass."

"Me too," Tala added, which prompted everyone to stare at her with slight shock. "I think I'm over this scene. You know, the one where the mean girls ostracize someone? It's been done. I'd rather stay in my room, stare at that signifying wall, think about what stale, repetitive lives you girls lead."

"Whoa, wait a sec, we didn't wanna start a fight," Georgie said, defensive.

"Yeah, seriously, it was only an invite. Everyone chill," Elena added.

"I'm sure it was," Tala replied, keeping her tone almost too light for comfort.

"It was, to just you. Elena only invited Carter because she felt sorry for her. And I have no idea why you've decided to ditch us for such a reject anyway. But whatever, Tala. Not like we're going to miss your holier-than-thou, Little Miss Bitch Perfect attitude." Ashton crossed her arms over her chest, and when none of the others protested her claim, she put on a glowering smirk. "See? We're all over this scene. You know, the one where you act like you're better than us?"

Tala didn't appear the least bit phased. "Then why are you still here? Walk away."

"Fine. It's your social funeral," Ashton hissed, then turned around and marched away.

For a moment it seemend like Elena, Georgie and Leigh were ashamed, but their expressions were quickly replaced with composure, and the three of them followed Ashton. With them went the smallest bit of hope Carter had for a reconciliation with Leigh. It was like a long chapter of her life had officially ended.