The Teenage Guide To Loneliness [Book 2 in the Teenage Guide Series]

Chapter 17: When You're Gone

You know that part in the movie where the girl's reality has shattered? She feels helpless, like nothing makes sense anymore. Every broken shard of her life is laid out in front of her, and she wonders if she could ever put it all back together. If the pieces even fit anymore. That's how Carter felt, but maybe worse, like she couldn't even recognize all the shards surrounding her. How long would it be until the movie reached a happy ending?

Then again, maybe this was a horror movie, and there was no happy ending at all.

There you go again, being your usual dramatic self, Carter thought as she walked home that afternoon. She had decided against going to detention. A stupid decision, because it meant that tomorrow Miss Roddery would probably give her a week's worth. Or the legendary Saturday detention. Hey, maybe if I'm lucky, I'll meet four new friends, and we'll sit around telling each other our life stories.

Fortunately, by the time she reached the street leading to her house, she was feeling a little better. The fresh air, mixed with her imagining herself as one of the Breakfast Club characters, had helped. As visions of other John Hughes movies swam around in her mind, her phone sprang to life, bringing her back to reality. It was funny how the sound of a phone was like a cue, always causing Kiran's face to project itself in her mind. But the text wasn't from Kiran.

Surprisingly, it was from Melody Anders, who wanted to know if Carter had plans for the weekend. Carter remembered how Ashton Rhodes and the rest of that clique had iced Melody out this year, so perhaps the girl was looking for a new set of friends. Carter wondered if Melody missed the parties, the attention and the popularity - or if, like Carter, she was more comfortable being invisible.

She sent Melody a reply, asking if they could go get their nails done on Saturday. Carter then sent the same text to Tala. The mere action of forwarding an invitation elevated her heart - made her smile wider than she had in a long time. Even if they declined, at least she had done something.

***

As the minutes rolled away into a tedious hour, Kiran wondered where Carter was. Why hadn't she shown up for detention? Had their confrontation in class really upset her? He thought of calling her, but immediately decided against it. She clearly didn't want to be around him anymore, despite what she had said when he was at her house the other night. She had moved on, and he would probably have to do the same.

But how could he move on from her? How could he forget her, when all he wanted was to be with her? What made it worse was that he had to see her almost every day - like a constant reminder of an out-of-bounds memory. A never-ending punch to his heart.

Maybe it was better to just go back to the very beginning - because even being friends with her was more than enough. Maybe there was a way he could slowly work his way into her life again. Not in a creepy way, but start off as an acquaintance and hope for the best.

Then there was the whole pathetic situation with Tala Ansari. He wasn't sure what had made him kiss her while they were in New York. He wasn't even sure if he liked her all that much. The only thing that he did know was that if Carter ever found out, it would be the end of everything. Why was he so stupid? A moment of loneliness and dejection could now destroy the bit of hope their friendship had left.

But the one thing that hovered over everything else was the condition of his sister Adya, and it made him feel hopeless. The hospital had stated that they had done everything in their power to help her, but it was now beyond their grasp. Only time would tell.

Noticing Kiran's detachment from reality, his parents had urged him to return to Newton, finish his Senior Year in a familiar setting, then return to New York for university. It seemed like a solid plan at first, but once he came back home he felt that the detachment had followed him. Like he was being haunted by a vengeful spirit, one that fed off of his sadness.

"Hey, you," someone whispered loudly from several rows behind.

Kiran ignored the person. There were five other students in detention whom the person could've been addressing. The supervising teacher had headphones on and was reading a magazine, so he didn't look up at the noise. A moment later, a crumped up ball of paper hit Kiran's shoulder, which forced him to face the loser responsible. "What?"

"Whoa, relax. Sorry man. You're Kiran Jones, right?"

Kiran didn't recognize the guy. "Yeah. Who're you?"

"Sawyer Devlin. I heard you were in a band last year. I wanna start one up. You interested?"

"Nah, I don't think so."

"Come on. Literally everyone I've talked to said that you're the best at lead guitar in this school. I've got some serious hook-ups in the industry. We could get legit paid gigs."

If Kiran was going to join a band, it would be Half Baked. He was in no mood to insert himself into a new clique. "No thanks."

"You'll change your mind. Here's my card. Call me when you decide to man up and join." Sawyer placed a business card on Kiran's table. It was all white, except for the guy's name on one side, with a phone number underneath.

Yeah, totally legit, Kiran thought to himself, sarcastic and weary. He then thought of catching up with Seth Sebastian. They hadn't spoken since last year, and Kiran wondered what Seth had been up to. Had Kiran completely burned that bridge as well?

Two other students suddenly switched their desks so that they were right around Kiran. Kiran knew one of them was on the basketball team - he wore a number forty-five jersey. The other was one of the guys who had been at that party last year. What was it people had called him? Tweedle Dumb? They both gave him weird smirks before the basketball guy, Forty-Five, spoke, "You hooked up with Carter Vance, right? Is she really as nasty as everyone says?"

"Huh?" Had Kiran heard him right?

"Think she'd double-team us?" Tweedle Dumb asked.

Without even thinking, Kiran stood up and drew himself extremely close to Tweedle Dumb's face, "You wanna try saying that shit again?"

"Dude, calm down," Tweedle Dumb said, a little nervous.

Forty-Five stood up as well and put a rough hand on Kiran's shoulder. "Seriously, we were just joking. We didn't know you were actually sweet on the tramp."

As if a seething force had taken a hold of Kiran's arm, he pulled his fist back and let it hit Forty-Five square in the jaw. Tweedle Dumb lunged forward and pushed Kiran back, whose back hit another desk. The pain was apparent, but the anger was more powerful. Somewhere in the distance the supervising teacher was yelling at them to stop. The other students were surrounding them. But Kiran didn't hear or see anything else. The only thing that occupied his mind now was beating the shit out of the two assholes.