There Are No Grey Piano Keys [Phan]

~Broken

This was with out doubt the worst day off Phils' entire life. Everything had gone wrong. He now sat on the sofa, his hands in his hair, his whole life in shreds in front of him, but he was not crying. He could not cry, his whole body just felt so achingly numb.

Why on earth did he leave? What did I do wrong?

Those two sentences kept spinning in his head, but he had answer to none of them. They had had a perfect relationship, the kind you only see in movies. They had been together for almost three years. They were planning on moving in together. Planning on getting a puppy. Planning a future together. It was just that teeny-tiny little fact that there were no "they" anymore, just two broken boys.

The only light that was left in Phils' life now was the music, he himself could not play if his life was at stake, but others could and that was the only streak off light left in his life. It was through the music they had met; two lonely music enthusiasts in the crowd of a small piano concert. It had been magical, they had been talking the whole evening and when the concert was over they had exchanged numbers. But Phil soon discovered that his former favourite memory just made him if even possible more miserable, and finally he felt the tears streaming down his cheeks, hot and wet they poured down his face easing the pain and leavening nothing but a warm and fuzzy tiredness behind. As the sun sunk down, hiding behind the distant skyline and dusk settled, Phil finally fell asleep on the sofa, still sobbing.

When he with tear streaks on his cheeks woke up he stretched his back and reached for his phone on the coffee table to check the time, but the sight that met him was like a dagger right through his heart. How could he had forgotten that his lock screen was them? He threw the phone across the room and launched him self onto the sofa sobbing once more.

How could I forget that? I cannot take this any longer.

A new kind off determination filled his eyes, he was going to end it right then and there, who would miss him anyway?

No, I can not do this not yet, one last concert. Then I will end it all.

He sat up straight wiping the tears from his puffy eyes, his eyes landed on his glasses that lay neatly folded on the windowsill. He stood up swayingly and in a slow and blurry pace he walked towards the window to pick up his glasses. Carefully he put them on the bridge of his nose and immediately his sight became clearer. In the same slow pace he started roaming the room looking for his computer, he could just have done it on his phone but right now he could not even handle the sight off it. After a few minutes off looking he found it open on the floor next to one of his many potted plants and a broken picture frame, the glass was far to broken to be able to see what the picture inside the frame actually had displayed, but he was pretty certain it had been off them.

Carefully he carried the computer back to the sofa but mid step he stopped dead in his tracks; the sofa carried too many bad memories from last night, so without much further hesitation he turned round and sat down in the kitchen instead. He gently placed the computer on the flat surface, littered with bread crumbs, another horrible memory from the last breakfast. The breakfast when Isaac had told him he wanted them to go separate ways, Phil had thrown a tantrum before he had settled into that awful feeling of numbness. Firmly pressing the power button he waited for the computer to boot-up. As the computer started with a soft humming he nervously opened the web browser.

Have the internet always been this slow?

When the browser finally started he immediately tapped the search bar and typed in "piano concert Manchester". As the computer loaded the search results Phil anxiously tapped his finger on the table, a few bread crumbs got stuck to his clammy finger, but he was too anxious to take notice. When the computer finally had loaded the search results he simply clicked the first one to come up, a big piano concert two months prior.

No, no, no I need something tonight!

Just a few minutes later he had managed to find his concert for the evening, forever, "aspiring pianist Daniel Howell plays at the city hall tonight". He did not even bother to check the songs which would be playing, it did not matter. He did not know anything about it, except that it was in the city hall this very evening at six P.M. So for the first time in god knows how long, he checked his watch, it showed three thirty five P.M.

I might as well look my best for my last day on earth!

He stood up chuckling slightly, it was such a bizarre thought. His last day on earth, the thought actually frightened him, but he was not going to chicken out. That was a thing he had done one too many times. He started walking slowly towards his bedroom, he had at least two hours to get ready anyway. When he stood in front of his wardrobe he had no idea whatsoever as to what he was going to wear, he had always been kinda a happy go lucky guy and dressed according to that. Everything was so awfully colourful, none of these clothes matched his mood in any sort of way, but after what felt like hours of trying on and then discarding clothes; he finally settled on his regular pair of black skinny jeans and a red button up.

Awful! And therefore sadly fitting for me.

He was now sat at his dinner table once again completely ready but he had still twenty minutes before he had to go.
His mind begun to wander places he would have been terrified of normally, but today was not normal so he let his mind wander these places.

How should I kill my self? What is the easiest way? The least painful one? Hanging my self? Pills? Jumping off a bridge?

As he woke his self up from those morbid thoughts to check the time, he realised that it he should already be on his way if he did not wish to run late so he hurried out of flat grabbing the car keys on his way. He struggled a little too get into his minimal car in his stressed state of mind, but managed and drove of quickly towards the city hall. The car radio played bland pop music as always, but he really did not mind, at least it kept his mind occupied.

Outside the city hall there were already a smaller crowd, he parked his car and locked it before he walked hastily towards the building in front of him.