Roman, I Love You

Love and Death

When he had said it I thought he was just being dramatic. He was just making a school boy promise, too passionate for his own good. I had made good on my promise and I think he was trying to make good on his.

The restaurant was nice, but he did not choose one that was too fancy since it was supposed to be a fun time for Jamie. The place made him feel like an adult and the kids menu had more than just chicken strips to offer. It warmed my heart to see how much Jamie had warmed up to Roman. They conversed between each other like they had never had a barrier between them in the first place. I was happy to fade back and let them bond, but I quickly realized that I was with just about the only two people in the world who never wanted me to step back for someone else, not even for themselves.

Eventually, I could see Jamie starting to nod off, so we finished up and left. I carried Jamie out to the car in a low key attempt at making it harder for Roman to put his arm around me. He knew me well enough though to not even try. The ride to my sister's house was quiet as Jamie gently dosed in his carseat. I did my best not to think about after we dropped him off, because then I would have absolutely no buffer between Roman and me. Soon, I would have to face him. As much as I wanted to prolong not being left alone with Roman, I was in even less of a mood to hangout with Avery and Nat. Once I put Jamie in bed, we took our leave.

He did not say much to me until after I had transferred Jamie's car seat back to my car. But once I closed my door, he was standing in front of me. His finger brought my chin up so that I would look at him and his face came down to lessen the strain. With his thumb, he gently swiped over my lips and I could feel my lipstick smear a bit. He grinned at me.

"Honey, can I kiss you? Like really kiss you." He said with a low voice.

I nodded, because despite how badly I felt, I still wanted him. I wanted him so much, with every fiber of my being. It was the most terrifying thing I had ever experienced. I figured that before I ran away from it, I should at least enjoy for a little while.

Our mouths came together in a rush, our bodies pressed together, our arms wound around each other tightly. My heart was racing and my skin was tingling. There was something sloppy about this kiss. It was desperate and needy. The kind that only happens when it seems as though time has run out. The realization made me even more desperate.

He pulled away to say, "I can't take you avoiding me like this Scarlett."

"I know. I'm sorry," I panted as I pulled him back to me.

"I'm serious, baby, I need you to forgive yourself for what happened, I already have."

He held my face, his eyes holding mine. "Okay." My voice came out soft as I agreed.

"Thank you," He replied and then his lips gently found mine once more.

We had sex that night and it was so different from all of the times before. It was soft, slow, and it made my heart ache. He laid me down on my bed and removed my dress. Pressing sweet kisses all over me. It felt like he was worshipping me. Like I was someone worthy of taking up space on the Earth.

His clothes came off and he crawled over me, still peppering me with kisses. I let my fingers tangle in his hair as his lips caressed mine. Being with him like this felt like gold. It felt like being sure of something. It felt like I was falling.

He asked me if I was ready for him to enter me and I was the readiest I have ever been. This too he did slowly and full of care. There was no rush, no desperation. Just complete focus on each other and how we felt about each other. He kissed me the whole while and kept me in his safe embrace.

He flipped us over and he looked up at me. We had never done it like this. I was never comfortable taking any kind of control. Even then I felt a little out of place. He reached up and held my jaw cupped in his hand. He whispered encouragements, telling me he wanted to watch me, telling me how much he loved seeing my face and body react. He interlaced our hands as I hesitantly begin to move on top of him. It felt amazing.