paintbrushes and canvases // phan

f i v e

Dan is alone.

Almost alone.

His thoughts surround him. He's huddled in the corner of his dark bedroom, his blinds firmly down to stop light escaping in. Despite having a bright flat, his room is dark. Almost everything is black. In Dans eyes, his room represents him the most.

Did you really think that having a 'friend' will make us leave?

You know he's not going to stay. He's just going to find out what you did and tell everyone and they'll hate you even more than they already do.

They laugh. Their demonic voices echo around the walls of Dans head. He grips at his hair, his eyes screwed shut.

It's all your fault that the 'incident' happened. You can't blame anyone or anything for what you done.

You disgust me and everyone else around you. That's why your family left.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" He couldn't control himself, he begins to cry. He rolls over and lies on the floor, his legs curled up to his chest.

"Just please leave me alone," he mutters inbetween sobs.

Nothing talks back. "I know what I did was wrong but it wasn't me. I would never do that willingly or intentionally to somebody."

It was all you. You're a monster. A disgusting human.

Dan doesn't reply. He has no argument to fight back. They're right. He is a monster, a disgusting human being. He doesn't deserve all the good things he's gotten since then, he doesn't deserve help. He doesn't deserve Phil.

Phil thought he heard yelling from next door and was about to go through for the second time today, but he listens more carefully for more. He doesn't want to seem like a desperado for going through if it wasn't Dan in the first place.

There was no other noise so Phil brushes it off as one of the kids downstairs from him.

He can't get Dan out from his mind. He's constantly trying to figure out what made Dan such a bad person. Phil hopes its not that bad, since he's taken a liking to the boy, and more than a friendly liking.

I know, I know, it's really soon but when you hear someone's deepest thoughts that shows they at least trust you a little, and trust is very attractive to Phil.

Plus, there's no denying that Dan is hotter than a ghost pepper.

Turning the TV off, Phil just sits. He sits and thinks. Unlike Dan, Phil likes to think. He thinks about Dans house, and all of the canvases that are hung up on his pristine white walls. Every canvas with a different design, which is what Phil loves the most about art, that everything, no matter if it's just a black dot, is unique.

Dan, in Phils mind, is like a canvas. He seems and feels empty. At first he is just blank, nothing to make his stand out from the others. He just needs someone to come over and bring him out, paint him so that he can be more confident in himself, to realise he doesn't need to be the same as everyone else to be picked or to be loved by someone. Somebody might hate him, but another will love him. He, a thought that Phil is embarrassed to admit, would be the main painting. When he is comfortable, his canvas will be covered in different colours. Bright colours like pinks, yellows and blues, and not the dark colours that Dan feels are closer to him and his personality.

Dan is just a canvas waiting for that artist to come.

Phil wants to be that artist that will pick Dan up and make him happy again.