Shadows

16.Simple, I don't get in trouble.

It's always just me. I walk alone, I live alone, I struggle alone, I never knew a world of having someone take care of me before my grandparents. And sometimes- sometimes, I wonder what it's like.

I always dreamed of those parts in movies. The parts where they showed the families.

The father would be reading the newspaper and the mom would be making breakfast and everything would be so perfect. And when the mom drives the kids to school or when they would wait for the bus together and when the parents stay up until the teenager comes back late and get angry because they were so worried and scared and when they stand at the doorway and ask what's wrong because they can sense the change in mood and when they come to school after the teen gets in trouble to defend them and ground them because they know it would effect their future. And those moments when they would share a laugh together. And when they all sit down and have a family dinner, talk, laugh, catch up, and even if the only sound is the clinking of utensils against plates, the silence wouldn't be overwhelming. Because deep inside, they know they have each other's backs, because they're family. And family stick together no matter what.

These scenes I would play over and over again, watching the moving pictures with until I have them memorized in my head.

And I loath them. I hate them with my heart and soul. Because it I know I'll never have that, because I come from a broken home.

I repeatedly wipe my eyes, stop it, not now.

But I can't seem to stop, I have coals running through my veins, my eyes are stuffed with cotton, head squeezed like a towel. And my heart, my heart hurts like a dying tooth. My lungs grasp for breath, but I'm drowning in air.

I wipe my eyes again.

Finally reaching the steps to my house, I blink hard, trying to clear my blurry vision in order to unlock the door. After closing door, I lean my back against it, taking a deep, ragged breath.

I'm exhausted. I feel like I can sleep for a year. Not only has all this crying drained me, but I haven't been getting enough sleep lately.

When I get to my room I collapse onto my bed, instantly falling asleep.

-

"Are you kidding? They almost got her!" The voice sounds distant, muffled, it echoes at the back of my head.

I can't open my eyes, but I can see a florescent brightness on my eyelids. My mind is drifting in and out of focus. I hear more voices, urgent whispers- I think, I'm not sure wether they're coming from my head or outside it. I'm tired.

"-don't have much time."

"-there is someone else involved- someone close to her, it has to be-"

"We can't let them-"

"-but they found out-"

"Stop at nothing-"

There is a long silence, I want to move, but my muscles feel like pillows the mass of boulders. A weight is pulling me down, pulling my consciousness down with it. The light flickering. I'm exhausted. I can barely process anything, I'm not even sure I can feel my body.

"Yeah, what is she to us?"

"-softening up?"

"-you saw what she did."

There is another long silence, for a moment I feel like I've gotten a grip, I can feel myself breathing, I could even hear a shuffling of feet. But then the weight starts getting heavier, pulling me down with it, the light is fading, fading, turning darker by the second. My body relaxes, and the last thing I could process before I'm pulled into the comfort of the darkness was:

"Do you think she'll remember?"

-

My eyes flutter open.
The first thing I see is the bright white light from my window. I instantly bury myself in the blankets, bloody sun.

After feeling that I was prepared to face the blinding ball of plasma, I pushed the sheets away from me, yawning like a baby Dinosaur. I had to squint for a few seconds, then instinctively reached over to grab my phone. I almost dropped it in surprise:

Today is Wednesday.

I let out a low whistle, I slept for a whole day? Damn, that's a new record.

*****

There.

Finally.

It's 3 in the morning so expect a lot of mistakes.

Oh btw, I now have an obsession with the rapper NF, anyone heard of him?

"Go to sleep, Red."

Okay.

DOES ANYONE EVEN READ THIS BOOK ANYMORE