Chapter Nineteen.

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You finally decided to head back to your room and get at shower at around seven in the morning. Stepping under the shower faucet, cold water attached your skin but you were too numb to care.
You got out at around 7:30 and with a towel wrapped around your frame, you began to hair dry your hair.
After that you pulled on your outfit, a black dress ending mid thigh, black opaque tights and black heels.
You lastly straightened your hair before heading out of your room at around ten.

The service started at ten thirty, and so it was no surprise to find the others all gathered in the kitchen dressed in dark colours. Conversations were quite and minimal but there were small strained smiles every now and then. Clint just wrapped his arm around your waist and nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck as to comfort you before the time came and it was time to set off.
Taking two cars, they arrived at the church sooner than they wanted to and found themselves entering the holy grounds.

Many seats were already filled, B/f/n's family,her friends, old class mates and other people that knew her. It was a shock to see such an amount of people but it slightly warmed your heart to know that she wasn't  alone till the end.
You took a seat at the back, Clint to your right and Bucky to your Left along with all the other Avengers sat around you. Your gaze rested atop of the casket on show at the front of the hall, flowers  of all different colours decorating the wooden casing and jewels here and there to brighten it up a bit. Nothing could brighten you up, that was your best friend lying lifeless in that coffin and it was all your fault.

The service was fairly short but many of B/f/n's relatives and loves ones were still brought to tears from it. You, however, sat still as a stone. Face not moving as the mans words didn't really register, until the curtains began to close...and her coffin was slowly growing out of sight.

"And so, we hand another on of our own into the trusty hands of God. Knowing that he will cherish and nurture the one we have lost"

You stood from your seat, not casting a second glance at anything besides your own feet as you walked out of the church and into the pouring rain. You ran down the empty, dark streets in heels, the shoes clacking against the side walk until you came upon the tower and you made your way up to your room.

You sat in silence on the widow ledge, the room bathed in darkness and the door locked. You watched the rain drizzle down and you decided to have your last few moments with B/f/n there as you gulped down a bottle of alcohol.

"Look where we are now Huh? What happened to we're  in this together? You weren't supposed to leave me, not like this. It's all my fault..." You hiccuped, the beverage slowly taking its toll on you.
"I should have took that bullet, I should have ended up at HYDRA, I should have searched for you but I was a coward...and that cost you your life"

The bottle slumped out of your hands and you got up from the window ledge, hiccuping uncontrollably as you slipped of your heels and padded into the common room to find the others had all returned.

"Well...hello!" You greeted with a shout, shoulders hunched and arms dangling at your sides as you burst into giggles.

"Gosh Barton...she's pissed. Take her to bed and make sure she sleeps" Tony ordered the archer but you latched onto Bucky's metal arm with a childish pout.

"He doesn't have to go through all that trouble, Barnes will take me to my room! It's not big deal!" You slurred and he complied with a shrug before grabbing your elbow and guiding you back to your room.

"She is going to drown her own problems and feelings in alcohol" Nat stated as she watched your retreating frame like everybody else.

"It'll take awhile, but hopefully she will get there" Clint stated and the others nodded in agreement.

Little do they know, it was all an act and you weren't planning to return that night.

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