Beautiful Scars ➸ Ashton Irwin

Chapter 24 | Crazy

"Tell you a secret, I'm not alarmed.
So what if I'm crazy? The best people are."

Song: Mad Hatter by Melanie Martinez

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Ashton's P.O.V

"Ashton, tell me you're kidding." Luke said refusing to believe what he had just heard.

"I'm sorry Lu-" I began to say before Michael interrupted me.

"How long?"

"I'm not sure. I only found out a couple of days ago, and I only got to talk to her about it today." I replied.

"I should have known." Michael whispered more to himself rather than us. "She was showing all the signs, she was doing the exact same things you were doing when you – you know, did that."

"How the fuck could have we been so blind?" Calum groaned and run his hand through his hair.

"This is all our fault, we shouldn't have allowed her to drift away from us." Luke's voice followed afterwards.

"Won't you all just shut up!" I rose my voice in order to get their attention, which I certantly did.

"This is not anyone's fault, okay? Blaming ourselves won't help the case, so instead of whining like babies think of a way to help her." I spoke sternly with my arms folded across my chest.

They looked at me surprised and confused but didn't argue. Luke sighed running his hands through his hair.

"This is fucked up." He announced.

"What did she tell you? When you talked to her and stuff, did she say why she did that?" Calum asked me in a worried tone.

"What if she attempts suicide?" Michael butted in. He was breathing heavily and his hands were slightly shaking.

"What if she dies? What if the doctor lied to us? What if she didn't make it?" He started rumbling.

"Michael, calm down! Here, sit down, I'll bring you a cup of water." Calum jumped in. Somehow, Michael obeyed him and sat down while Calum went to bring him the water.

"Michael, stop shaking, it's okay, deep breathes, in with your nose, out with you mouth." Luke instructed him.

"Look at me, look at me, she's going to be okay, I promise, neither you, nor any of us will lose her, okay?" I said after, trying to calm him down. Fortunately we all knew how to deal with panic attacks, so we managed to bring him back to normal.

"Yeah, yeah, she'll be okay, I'm just a little paranoid, she's fine, I'm fine, we'll get through this, it's okay." Michael rumbled to himself.

Calum came back with a cup of water and handed over to Mike.

"Drink it slow."

"Thanks mate." He said while drinking it.

"Excuse me, you're here for Annabelle Morgan, right?" Our attention was grabbed by a nurse making us snap our heads towards her.

"Yeah, that's us. Is she awake? Can we see her?" I asked.

"Yes, she just woke up a couple of minutes ago. She's a little shocked, maybe not stable enough, but you can see her." She answered with a little smile and gestured us to follow her.

We all got up and started walking behind the nurse. Soon enough she stopped in front of a room.

276.

"This is her room. I have to warn you, she's a little...moody, let's say." And with that she turned around heading back to the waiting room.

We all looked at each other. Calum nodded his head and before any of us could say anything, he opened the door.

Everything seemed normal, at least for now. Anna was lying in her bed and staring at the ceiling. She turned her head towards us, but didn't say a thing as she looked up at the ceiling again.

We slowly approached her bed and she still wasn't speaking a word or moving a muscle. She seemed...lost.

"Hey Anna, how are you feeling?" Luke asked.

"Oh, I'm feeling great, can't you tell?" She huffed sarcastically.

Luke was taken back by her response, but didn't say anything however. We did get warned after all, so I guess we should have seen that coming.

"They said you'd get better." Calum said with a faint smile trying to cheer her up, but recieved nothing other than an annoyed glare.

"No shit, have you ever thought about getting a job as a news reporter? You'd totally slay breaking news to people." She said this time a little harsher than before.

The guys all looked at her surprised and confused. I tried to hold her hand but she flinched it away from me as soon as my skin made contact with hers.

She didn't even bother to look at me, she kept staring at the ceiling as if there was some sort of Da Vinci painting up there.

I looked at her eyes, they were stone cold and a little narrowed, as if she was in deep thoughts, and out of the sudden they started to melt back into their natural, soft and innocent tone.

They started to fill with water, her lips started trembling and little sobs began to be heard, and just like that, she started crying, balling her eyes out to be more exact.

"They know, Ashton they know." She managed to say in between sobs.

"Hey, shhh, it's okay." I tried to calm her down and started rubbing her arm.

"No! It's not o-fucking-kay! It has never been 'okay'!" She yelled grabbing her hair with her hands while tears streamed down her cheeks.

"They want me talk to a therapist! A fucking therapist! I'm not crazy, nor mad, nor a psycho! I don't need a motherfucking therapist!"

"Anna, it's okay, calm down." I rushed to smoothen her, but it was no use.

"You don't understand! Neither of you can ever understand!" She pushed my away and continued sobbing loudly.

The boys were shocked to say the least and none of them dared to make a sound.

"I understand." I finally spoke.

"No Ashton, you really don't." She replied stubbornly.

"Trust me, I do. I know exactly what it means when you feel as if the whole world is against you, or as if no one can relate to what your going through. Feeling as if everything's crushing down all at once upon you and everybody else is just silently watching. They pretend to believe you're sane, and yet treat you differently. It reaches a point where you force yourself to refuse the fact that you're okay, that you deserve happiness, because you're not used to it. You're not used to things being okay, and that paranoids you, because you just anxiously wait for the next fight, or downhill, or whatnot. Trust me, I know how it feels."

She started at me, everyone did.

"A-Ashton?" Anna managed to mumble with her faint and tired voice.

"Am I going mad? Am I crazy?"

"No." I replied and slowly placed a kiss on her forehead. "But let me tell you something, all the best people are."

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(A/N) yes that was an "Alice in wonderland" reference, problem? Don't mind me, it's 3:30 a.m and I'm sleepy af, but never too sleepy to upload a new chapter. So there you go fellas, vote or comment or idk whatever you want. Please stay safe and happy and healthy. Ily all pretty lads ✨❤️