Beautiful Scars ➸ Ashton Irwin

Chapter 9 | too late?

"Who wants to sleep in the city that never wakes up?
Blinded by nostalgia."

Song: Old Yellow Bricks by Arctic Monkeys

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Anna's P.O.V

A week has passed since the little incident with Ashton and I'd be lying if I said I handled it in the best way. I tried to ignore it but I've never been in a situation like that and I never expected Ashton to be the one putting me in it.

I've been trying to ignore Ash this week as much as I can, but knowing him, he wouldn't leave me alone not even for the shortest moments, so I just kept giving him short and cold answers.

I could tell that this was upsetting him but lately I was really considering wether my friendship with Ashton was worth keeping or not. I know it's stupid, we've been best friends eversince I can't remember, but maybe this is not the best time to be occupied with friendships and shit.

"Anna!" My thought were interrupted by Ashton snapping his fingers in front of me making me jump a little.

"Were you even listening to what I was saying?" He asked while letting out a sigh.

"Not really." I said keeping my eyes glued to the ground since I didn't wanna face him. He sigh again this time a little more frustrated than before and moved his hand through his hair.

"Okay that's it. You're coming with me." He said strictly and grabbed my wrist causing a killing pain to wash over my body.

"Ashton!" I half yelled pulling my arm away from me. "You could have just asked me to follow you, you know?" I said irritated.

"Anna stop it! Stop all this bullshit! Do you think I'm blind or anything? Because, breaking news: I'm fucking not!" He yelled. I immidiently froze, but this time I was getting angrier and angrier with every second passing by. He was in no place to yell at me right now seeing that all of this was his fault.

"Well thank you for clearing that up. I was starting to consider buying you a guiding dog or something." I replied bitterly.

"What's the matter with you?! Why the fuck have you been ignoring me? I've been trying to help you all this time and all you do is push me away! Fuck it Anna I'm getting tired of this okay?"

"Help me?! Helping me how exactly? By yelling at me at the park? Or by getting drunk out of your mind and being a complete fucking douche? Yeah, thanks for that. If you're getting tired why don't you just leave?bIt's not that I'd care or anything." I yelled back with tears filling my eyes. My throat burned with every word I spoke but I had snapped. I couldn't take his shit anymore. Yes, I love him a lot, but enough was enough.

"Don't you raise your voice at me!" He said sternly.

"Or what? You're gonna hit me? Yell at me?"

"Anna, don't-" he whispered while cletching his jaw.

"Don't what Ashton?"

"You know what? Fine! Do whatever you want! I'm tired of always trying to figure you out!" He exploded out of nowhere.

"Then just fucking go already!"

"Fine!"

"Great!"

I saw him walk away and my heart shattered with every step he took. I wanted to scream and shout and yell at him to come back at me, but no words came out. Once I realized what just happened it was way too late. He left. He hates me. I did this to myself.

I turned around and started to walk home, that was my only option at least. I could of course call Michael or Luke, but I didn't want to bother them, they were propably busy anyway.

Once I arrived home I went straight to my room and collapsed in my bed.

I won't cut. I won't cut. I won't cut. I won't fucking cut.

Yes, you will. That's what you always do.

I'm gonna eat something and sleep on this situation and take a rest and figure thing up in the morning.

You know you won't.

I'm just a little confused.

No, you're fucked up.

You're right.

I always am.

I swear I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life with actual real people. It kills me sometimes, and yet I never do the slightest attempt to stop it.

Opening the bathroom door I made my way to the countier and opened it half-heartedly. There's plenty of shit in there. Medicines, acne creams, and of course, a little box full of razor blades.

I hated it. I hated every razor, I hated ever cut, I hated that I had to be one of "those people". But again, here I am pitting myself.

Where is Ashton now?

Is he mad? Sad? Sleeping? Worried?

Is he even thinking about me?

Does he even care?

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(Author Note) HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASHTON! So here is another chapter guys :) sorry if it's triggering in any way. Please stay safe and healthy. Eat you vegetables and be sure to drink loads of water. I love you all to pieces. ✨