Poisoned II

Fourteen

I fell deeply in love with you. And I can't stop this feeling. I tried for so long. This feeling won't go away and I want you to help me. It hurts to know that you love someone else. You're not mine any more. You haven't been for a while but sometimes I pretend that you  want me, I have all these scenarios in my head but none of that will happen. When I adopted Jake I wasn't really thinking about a mother. But later on he started asking about his mom. I told him she was on vacation but soon he started saying he didn't have one. I started thinking about you and I. You see, I had wishes you were Jakes mother and me the father. We could be a good family, I think. I would try everything to make you happy and to give you what you want. I would get as many jobs as possible to give you what you want. But i know it won't happen because you're married and I know you're that person that won't ever leave your husband. You're committed.
I prayed to the lord a few years ago to have you back in my life but now that I think about it, probably it was a bad decision because I can't any longer.
I know I've said this too many times but you taught me a lot about my life. You kept me going. You were there for me. You had my back. And what did I do? Nothing. I didn't even try to keep you. I just let you go.
I am glad you married someone else. Someone who can take care of you.
I think it was bad idea to contact you. Now I'm drowning in my own sadness and and regret that I haven't been paying much attention to Jake. I have an obsession with you and I don't know why. I mean I know why but I don't know why I can't let it go.
We haven't been together for six or seven years. You're a beautiful young women. You'll have an amazing family when you start. I'm just letting you know that Jake and I will no longer be a bother to you and your husband. We will be moving back to Australia where we belong. And maybe I'll start a family of my own. Hope to see you again. We never know what the future brings us. Sincerely Luke Brooks.

I read the letter that Luke had sent me.

I text him but I hadn't got any messages from him since a week ago.

Probably that was best for the both of us. He needs to go live his life and I need to live my own life.

We are different people.

I'm married.

He's still young and he'll find someone else. I guess that was our goodbye.

I fold the letter and put it back to the envelope. I hide it under my drawers so Johnny can't find or see it.

I lay down and start thinking about Luke. Something I didn't want but my mind went straight to him and Jake.

It's best. My marriage needs help right now and this will help. I don't want this to end badly.

I need to focus on my work. Focus on my career. On my husband.

No more Luke or Jake.