A Voice Unheard- Part I: Prose

Confessions of this Overly Idealistic Youth

I have just finished reading, what many believe to be one of the most controversial pieces of literature of our time written by an outstandingly fair Fatima Bhutto, "Songs of Blood and Sword". A rather macabre family tree reduced to paper, by a woman trying hard to contend with the bloody history of her family. Her grandfather, assassinated at the gallows by a political rival. Her father and uncle assassinated with the killers never having being apprehended (with the possibility of foul play in terms of the participation of another family member or supporters of the same). And most recently and infamously her over celebrated aunt's shocking assassination, the murder of Benazir Bhutto (which incidentally happened three years ago on my birthday!). The entire story seems something drawn out of a Shakespearean tragedy, where human opportunism overpowers the natural human behaviours, such as familial allegiance and humanity and compassion and gratitude.

It felt rather sad as I read through the pages of this gripping book, when I saw one family member pitted against the other... maybe I still wrongfully posses my childlike innocence when I say that it all sounded so wrong to me. To imprison one's own family member, or to speak out in such a public domain against another who is your own, was unpalatable for me. It reminded me much of how Jahangir was imprisoned by his own power hungry and drug induced son Aurangzeb. Such things have happened, history shows us that, but it really makes me wonder, I can never imagine throwing my brother in jail or curbing his legal rights and depriving him of all that is important to him. I can never imagine murdering my own father or robbing him of what is rightfully his in order to further my own ambitious ideals. And I can honestly never imagine myself disregarding my mother's voice in a life changing decision, that is likely to affect everybody in the family (not just me).

Somehow in my life I have never hungered for power of anything or anyone. Perhaps this is to my discredit and the numerous critics would say that I am lacking in passion and zest for life and living it to the fullest, but in all honesty I do not see the point of trampling over all those around me to reach the top. I see no point in pushing myself and struggling so hard just to crush the competition and reach the top. The concept of struggling is something I view rather aversely. I want to be good at whatever it is I am doing, but I do not want to do it at the cost of somebody else, if such a cost can be avoided. For example if I am lucky enough to win some scholarship over somebody else I will not deny myself the opportunity on account of somebody else's misfortune of not having won the same scholarship. I will take it. But I will not use connections and corrupt means to tilt the panel deciding to whom the scholarship should go to in my favour. That is the kind of cost I am referring to here... the social and moral cost, which is ingrained in every human.

Unlike others, I hope never in my career and life to become able in disregarding or turning a blind eye to the existence and spaces of others. It may sound too idealistic and I may be sounding highly sanctimonious or self-righteous but this is definitely something that I am for. Let the money come, I wont shy away from it; I'm not that high up on the crazy unrealistic ladder yet. I just want to go about my business without destroying all those around me, that's all. I don't believe that if someone enters a contest that they are "in it to win it". Winning is not the by all and end all. What matters is that your knowledge and skills be displayed in some forum that has some use for such a parading of one's thoughts and skills.

I honestly don't know if I can succeed in my aim, and offer no formal guarantee to do the same. What I present, however is the optimistic hope that even in light of adversity the child in me will prevail and I wont be swayed to the supposed inevitable in the arena that will be my designated career path. Lawyers are liars the say.... I am going to be a lawyer, but I am most definitely not a liar. My heart is still purer than the predecessors in my profession, and I hope to keep it that way. And yes, I admit that I do sound highly presumptuous and overly self-righteous here, but I must remind you that even if you do feel this way, that what I have written here is just a hope, and nothing more. It is neither a declaration of any definite course of action nor an attempt at self-flattery. It is just a utopian ideal that I hope to sustain....what reality will be, well that's a story that can only be told in the future....

This book has made me think a lot, on a myriad set of topics: political power play, family, my own personal value system or code of ethics that I would employ in my future endeavours. It is a wonderful book, so detailed and surprisingly unbiased. Fatima Bhutto has taken, in my view, great pains not to make the book one sided and has given credit where it is due to all parties concerned. She has not painted her aunt to be the Evil Devil Incarnate, but has lightly subtly suggested dark truths that may never be revealed, not in this lifetime anyway (nor has she over-glorified her father). She has written it with much objectivity and maturity. It must have taken her a great amount of courage to decide to investigate her family, and her father's brutal murder, and she has done his memory great justice...I loved her style of writing and I encourage all to give it a read.