Beacon of Hope

Chapter Seven <3 Bad Days

I'm crumpled on the floor and a Peacekeeper - one of the ones that shot the man - comes to move us. He shouts at me to leave. " How could you!?" I scream at him. He kicks me in the side and I roll onto my back from his firm kick. He aims his boot over my belly and just before it comes down on my baby, Peeta dives on top of me, taking the blow right on his spine.

Haymitch scoffs and shouts unintelligable words at the Peacekeeper. Peeta stands up slowly and helps me to as well. I feel a sharp pain in my side but I don't want Peeta to worry so, no matter how much pain it causes me, I strive to walk normally. His arm encirles me and he walks inside. The doors slam shut and we're alone with just a few people.

Haymitch guides us into a room that holds a concerned looking Effie, Cinna and Portia.

" Holy shit," Haymitch says, dazed.

" Langauge!" Effie cries. " What happened? Haymitch said he heard a gun shot and I told him it was stupid but who knows! I mean, there seems to be lunitics everywhere,"

Peeta stutters. " Nothing happened, an old truck back fired."

" Holy shit," Haymitch says again. I glare at him and he shrugs at me.

Two more shots. Tears sting my eyes and stop me from breathing properly. Was that Rues family? Threshes?

" Both of you, move!" Haymitch says to Peeta and I. We follow him. We ascend a beautiful marble stair case and Peeta makes me hold onto the railing. When we arrive at the top, I stare into the long corridor, a worn carpet nailed to the floor. We walk down it, and Peeta's arm encircles me as I sob quietly, warm tears rolling down my face. Two large doors stand up tall, welcoming us into the first room. There are designs of fruit and other sacred things, such as fat children staring down at us, flapping their wings. Our evening clothes are hanging on racks, and the scent of flowers is so strong it makes my eyes water, which makes my eyes completely blurry, given that I'm already crying. Haymitch turns and yanks off our microphones, then bends his finger, urging us on. Whilst we walk, he tucks them under a pillow on a plush, cream sofa.

The thought occurs to me, that Haymitch must have remarkable memory, since he's finding his way throughout the building magnificently, and, as far as I know, he's only been here once; For his victory tour, years ago. We run through the twisting, narrow halls and eventually find ourselves climbing up a ladder, leading to a panel. He pulls off the panel, and we end up in the Dome of the Justice Building. There are rusty weapons, broken furniture and tarnished books lying around the room. There is a thick blanket of dust, laying over the room and the grimy windows. Haymitch kicks the door closed. " What the hell is going on here?"

Peeta sighs, " It'll be better if you tell him, Katniss,"

I disagree. It will not be better coming from me. Peeta has this way with his words, I guess I mean he can make people. . . Not mad? Haymitch will just be angry with us if I tell him. I sob quietly. So no, I don't agree. But, never the less, I tell Haymitch everything. About President Snow visiting. The panic in the districts. I tell him how it's my fault, how I should've just died in the arena. " We were supposed to make it all alright on this tour. It was supposed to be better. But I failed. I was supposed to show them how much I love Peeta. It didn't work. That man still wound up dead, and it's- all. My. My- fault."  I fall to my knees, sobbing. The doctor said my emotions would be heightened, given the pregnancy. But I wasn't expecting this.

" And I made things worse giving them the money. It's my fault, Katniss! Don't you see that?" He suddenly hits a lamp, sending it across the room, smashing against the hard brick wall.

" Why didn't you two tell me this!?" Haymitch shouts. " I could've helped you! But you kept me in the dark! You two need to stop this! I am your mentor! I'm supposed to be looking after you!"

" I'm sorry, Haymitch!" I sob.

" Well, you can't do this anymore," he says. I try to cut in, but he says, " Don't bother. You have to promise not to keep these things from me anymore."

I nod. Peeta nods. We all nod. " Ok, come one. We've got a dinner to attend." Haymitch says. We're heading to the edge of the hole, when I feel a sharp twinge of pain. I fall forward, through the trap door. And just before my back hits the ground, I hear Peeta call my name.

- - -  * * *  - - -

I wake up with a jolt, and Peeta sighs in relief. We must be on the train, leaving 11, because I can hear the slight whoosh of the wheels on the track. I sit up and feel the familiar twinge in my stomach, coupled with a surprisingly stingy back. Peeta rubs circles in it and I remember what happened.

For the first time I feel concern. I feel concern for my baby. I gasp, thinking about the loss of the baby. It seems oddly sad, like I couldn't stand losing the little person in my stomach. I stare at Peeta, my eyes pleading at him for an answer. " Our baby?" I ask.

" The baby made it," he smiles. I sigh in relief and put my hand on my stomach, looking up towards the sky. I huddle into his shoulder for a while, then pull away to kiss him. He kisses me back and then pulls away, only to put his hand on my belly. He kneels at the side of the bed and kisses my belly. " Hi, baby. I'm your daddy. I love you so much, and so does your mummy. I hope your just as beautiful as her, because she is very beautiful!" I smile at his words. Peeta's happy, and if Peeta's happy, I'm happy.

Over the next couple weeks, the routine becomes very familiar. Dress. Ceremony. Re-dress. Dinner. It becomes a constant loop of events, and I grow weary of it. My belly grows a considerable amount and I grow more comfortable with becoming a mother. I actually kind of want to be one now, in a strange way. It's weird, but I feel as if I lost it now, I'd force myself to have another, because I feel this love. This burning, strong love for my baby. And I can't lose her. I can't let her down. Not like I let Rue down.

Event without our personal comments, which Effie has banned, there is still something in the air. Some vengeance. Some unease. It makes me feel queasy and I have felt as if I'm going to throw up a couple times on stage.

But, it's tonight, the night before we arrive in the Capitol, that's the worst of our nights. I've just drifted off to sleep, when I'm awakened by a pulsing in my stomach. I sit up, and pull the covers off myself. I stand up and sink to the floor, after I see the mattress is dripping with blood. I look down, and my pyjama shorts have blood on them too. I shake Peeta awake and say, " Peeta, something's wrong. I'm bleeding." He sits up in bed and stares at the blood drenched sheet. He's up in a flash, pulling me through the train in my blood soaked pyjamas.

He runs with me, a sobbing wreck, to the doctors compartment. The doctor looks worried. She sits me in the ultrasound chair and I cling to Peeta's hand. I lie, sobbing loudly, staring at my blood stained shorts.

Everything goes black.

- - -  * * *  - - -

The first thing I see when I wake up is Peeta's face. The blue goo has been wiped off my belly and Peeta still holds my hand. Doctor Jean comes rushing in, staring at us.

" How's the baby? Is the baby ok?" The words come rushing out my mouth, a panic in my voice. The doctor nips the bridge of her nose.

" I'm sorry Katniss. No. The baby didn't make it. I'm terribly sorry. You guys could try again." She says. She walks out the room, rubbing the back of her head. I sink to my knees, sobbing.

My baby. My baby's dead. It's dead. Gone.