All In My Head

5

Lauren was sitting in her apartment snuggled up with the stuffed panda bear Camila had given here for Valentine's Day,  because  Lauren didn't have a valentine this year.

She felt bad for what she said to Camila. She didn't really feel that way. She just said that because she was drunk. She wanted Camila to hurt the way she was hurting. Lauren knew Camila felt emotion more than she did. That's why she hit her were it hurt. She knew Camila didn't have any real attraction to her. That's what hurt Lauren the most on the inside.

She just wouldn't let Camila know that, or anyone for that matter.

When Lauren first met Camila she instantly admired the younger girl. The way she spoke, the way she thought, the way she carried herself. It drove Lauren insane that Camila belonged to Charlie. So Lauren bulit the closest friendship she could with Camila, bestfriends. Of course Lauren already had Ally, Normani and Dinah but something about Camila was extremely special.

But for Lauren the thought of Camila being hers was a slim to none chance. Camila was in love. Charlie was a good guy before Lauren and Camila got close. It amazed Lauren how easily her bestfriend fell out of love with a girl like Camila it didn't make any sense. She just figured he was delusional.

Lauren turned on her tv set and began watching a movie to distract her thoughts about the younger girl. She leaned over and her head rested on a shoulder.

Lauren sighed heavily. "Why do I fell this way?" She asked.

A hand wrapped itself around Lauren's waist. "I don't know, Lauren."

"Feelings complicated relationships, Mani." Lauren told her friend of 12 years. "I hate it, you know? It's a disgusting feeling. Like, right in the middle of my chest."

"That's your heart dumbass." Normani chuckled. "Of course it's going to hurt when your hurting."

"I wish I could go back to not feeling anything at all." Lauren admitted. "Like who designed this."

"And all this time I thought you didn't have a heart." Normani said squeezing her friend a bit tighter.

"I like my heart to be ice cold and black, like my soul." Lauren deadpanned. She looked over to see the incredulous look on Normani's face. "I'm kidding."

"Look, I know you and Dinah broke up but it's been like three weeks Lo." Normani informed her. "You gotta let it go."

Lauren looked up in confusion. "Dinah?" She laughed. "Who said anything about Dinah."

Normani shrugged. "I just assumed it was her."

"Where is she anyway?" Lauren asked. "I let her borrow my purse and she never gave it back."

Normani shrugged her shoulders. "She said something about going to Camila's apartment today. I really don't know anything else."

"How do you know Camila?"

Normani laughed at her friend. "She took us out for drinks a few days ago." She smiled. "She's goregous. Charlie is an idiot, Lo. Like she's literally the total package."

Right then, Lauren found herself becoming extremely upset for no reason. Something in the pit of her stomach made her want to slap the living hell out of her friend. It was jealousy. Lauren was jealous of Normani and Dinah. She felt, without her, they all wouldn't have even met each other. Who were they to steal the only person she cared about.

"Yeah, I know." Lauren said sleepily. "Can I take a nap here?" She asked positioning herself to lie her head down on Normani's lap. Normani nodded and Lauren just closed her eyes. "Goodnight Normani."