This Is It!

Have to go back.

That day I left her home, I was pretty sure I was never coming back. I still don't understand why I told her I would. Oh, the way she looked at me, I couldn't help it. She probably hates me by now. Well, there is nothing I can do about it.

Ever since I went back, Mom has done nothing but spoilt me. She actually cried when she saw me. She been too sweet am afraid I'll lose my teeth. She was calm when I told her I was fired. She even thanked God that it happed.

"That's better, now I can sleep without worrying that you might die in a cross fire in faraway Arab land."

I still can't believe they fired me. I mean, all I did was help save a thirteen year old boy for himself. I received a text massage from my boss on the first day of the curfew when I got stuck in with Aaliya and her family. He was clear that once the curfew is lifted I should fly back home. My ego would not allow me to work for them again. So now am just a useless young jobless man. All I do is sit on my bed and watch the news, hoping everyday that nothing horrible happens to Aaliya.

"What ya thinking about, mate?" Jem said with his usual grin. Jem and I have buddies for as long as I can remember. "Can't stop thinking about that girl, huh?"

I smiled at him and the familiar sad feeling that I usually get every time I think of her overwhelmed me. I have finally learnt her tactics, I have taught myself to smile no matter what.

"Don't give me that fake smile, mate. I known you miss her." He said and his eyebrows were dancing teasingly.

"I wouldn't say I miss her," I said defensively. "I just wish I - I..." Words failed me again. Every time I try to express my feelings about her, it just will not come out.

"Why don't you just go back. I understand things have been a bit peaceful for the past three months." Jem was looking at me and I shook my head.

"It's not that easy men. What if she is dead or worse, what if she is still alive but hates me."

"Why would you say that? She can't hate you."

"You don't understand, I raised her hopes up for nothing. I told her I would be back but...what I am trying to say is I am a big fat liar and I don't deserve all this luxury when thousands of people are dying." Jem looked at me and shook his head.

"Do you want to play God? You can't. You can't just save the whole world."

"I just want to help her." I hissed the words.

"Then what are you waiting for?"

"Um..." I tried but realized I had no excuse for failing to help this one girl that I intended to. I know there are people who had gone through terrible stuff and need help more than she did but I still wanted to help. Why? Even I can't tell.

"I can't just go back. It's been almost a year, where do I start looking for her"

"It's easy, mate. You just have to follow your heart."

"Jem."

"Yea."

"Are you giving me stupid pep talks from movies?"

"Yea, I am." He got up and smiled at me. With his goofy grin, I just had to smile back. "I better ran, I have a patient waiting for me." He said and drove away.

He left me thinking what if I go back? Will be able to help her? Will she ever forgive me for abandoning her? There is only one way to find out. I just have to find a new job that will send me to their country. Money is not an issue, I could always pay a first class ticket but the problem is that no plain go there anymore. I have to find a job and I better find it really fast.

Hello people I would really like it if you stick around and read more about Aaliya's misery and haytham's struggle to help.