Love Me or Leave Me

X. Inferior Complexities

"Hey, it's me. What time you'll arrive tomorrow? coz' I wanted to see you right away when you are here. I asked Carl if he can pick you up early in the morning. Pls. reply ASAP. xoxo.- Lei", my messaged to Sia already sent, as i Lay in my bed where my thoughts keep rolling and rolling over. "I fancy your best friend.." as Carl voices repeatedly playing at the back of my mind.

I am not usually like this. I usually help Sia's lovelife bloom as long as she's happy with any boy she want in her life.. but I just can't imagine now that I'm helping Carl to court Sia. How stupid am I? Maybe I am just a good friend. Then finally, i come up with the idea on What if, or how's the feeling to be a girlfriend. to be a girlfriend of somebody as cute as Carl. My curiosity is haunting me now. But it made me sad, a little tear come out from my eyes. I get up to see myself in the mirror. Why, I am crying. No guy will ever fall for me.

I am not good putting make up on, I just usually wear stupid outfits in a day, I am a normal girl but I am not that pretty like Sia. I'm not ugly neither. I am just a plain, normal, boring girl. All I have is my humor and wittiness. How will someone ever fall for me, 100% of of the boys always look on the outside. Inferiority started to scare the hell out of me. I've never been so down like this aside from my cruel Aunt. Maybe, that's why in the beginning I hate to talk to lads. Because I don't have the confidence. It will only reminds me about the teasing, laughing or having fun at me way back in my sophomore year. I am an ugly duckling who don't know how to interact with boys. With Carl. He's the first guy person I knew who talked to me nicely. He is cute, he is beautiful, he's fun to be with. But it saddened me.

"Lei, I missed you already but sad to say our departure was hold due to the weather. I'll let you know when we'll come home. Love you! *kisses -Sia", my phone beeps, as i received Sia's reply. Our 1st plan will jeopardize. I need to inform Carl about this.

"Hey, Carl.. we've got a problem."- I notified him thru text message.

"why?, What's happened?"- Carl replied back quickly.

"Sia's departure was hold due to typhoon, :(("- I said

"Aww! so when it will be? Our plan cancelled. But it's okay, let me know when will be the next.", Carl said.

"Okay, no worries. I'll let you know."-i put down my phone as I send my message. I wanted our plan to finish, so that I will not talk to Carl anymore. Recently, we have our continues conversation. I know there's no way to fall in love with him. I can't expect this friend thing relationship will grow, like what my subconscious mind really hoping. yeah, I am a hopeless romantic, I believe in Romeo and Juliet love. Maybe all girls belong to NBSB group have the same hopes and prayers. They wanted their first love to be the last. Somehow, all this dream is just a dream. I am living in the generation wherein everything happens so fast.

"Lei, you want to hang out with us tonight?"- Carl beeped me with his text message.

Oh, wow. I just fixing my mind and hoping this connection will cut soon. But why he always inviting me in the events I am not really used to.

"Lhen and Joanne will be there, too. so come out from your shell. I will pick you up at 6."- Carl send me again a message without waiting for my reply on his 1st text.

What will I gonna do this time? I don't wanna fall for him. I know he needs me now because of Sia. That's it! I should not think like this! I am convincing myself to act properly, and Carl is only a friend to me. that's all.

"You guy just don't get tired with your life, ey. okay then. see you later."- I replied.