Show me the light (Niam/Ziall)

Chapter 5. 'Do You Remember How It All Began?'

                        "Did I ever tell you how cute you are" Zayn laughed. "Yes. Many times," I smiled and slightly blushed. "Good," Zayn smiled and kissed the top of one of my hands.

                      "Remember when we met, and we said these weird love poems to each other that we found on Google?" "My awkward way of flirting? Yes" I laughed. "I thought it was cute, but anyways," Zayn said and got his phone out. "No. Zayn!" I pouted. Zayn leaned over the table and pecked my pout. There's two reasons why I pout around Zayn. One, he always kisses it away, and two, he always pouts back. "Stop pouting," Zayn pouted. "Fine" I stuck my tongue out at him.

                           "I love the way you look at me,Your eyes so bright and blue. I love the way you kiss me, Your lips so soft and smooth. I love the way you make me so happy, And the ways you show you care. I love the way you say, "I Love You," And the way you're always there. I love the way you touch me, Always sending chills down my spine. I love that you are with me, And glad that you are mine" Zayn read off his phone. I smiled.

                      "Cute" I giggled. "I thought so too" he laughed and put his phone away. "I love you Zayn" I smiled wide. "I love you too baby," Zayn said and leaned over the table kissing me gently. I kissed back. Our lips moving in sync. It felt so right. I love how he makes me feel, or how he makes me feel loved. Zayn pulled back and sat back in his seat.

                     For the rest of the night we fed each other our meals and laughed about the most littlest things. Or we both just said, I love you, as many times as we could. It was perfect.

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                      Zayn was coming home from tour for a week. I haven't planned anything for when he gets home. I been too busy studying for school to actually plan anything. I have school, while he's on tour singing to millions of screaming girls. I don't think that's fair.

                    I grabbed an apple from the basket. The door swung, which forced something to going flying at me. I ducked and fell on my bum. "Oh my god! Niall are you okay?" Zayn asked and ran over to me. "You could have warned me you were gonna swing the door open" I sighed and got up.

                      Zayn turned down the music I was blaring in the house and picked up his bags. No kiss? Wow.. I feel loved. He went into his room and closed the door before him. I wanna cry, but I can't. I just closed my eyes for a minute. I sighed once more and opened my eyes. I walked to the couch and sat down. I pulled my knees into my chest and grabbed the remote. I turned on sponge-bob and just sat there, watching it.

                        "Niall, if you're gonna watch sponge-bob, turn off the music" I heard Zayn yell to me. "Make me" I growled. Zayn walked out of his room and looked at me. "What's your problem?" "My problem is that my boyfriend has been gone for like ever and he comes home and just turns down my fucking music! No hello! No kiss! No hug! No I missed you!" "I'm sorry Niall! I'm not perfect!" "I never said you were but it would have been nice" I spat. He rolled his eyes and went back in his room. I grabbed the stereo remote and turned my music all the way up. Zayn came running out of his room and yelled something I couldn't hear.

                       "NEVER GIVE IN! NEVER BACK DOWN" I screamed the lyrics to Black Veil Brides. "NEVER GIVE IN! NEVER BACK DOWN! WHEN YOUR LIFE FEELS LOST" I kept screaming. Zayn unplugged the stereo. "WHAT THE FUCK?!" "NIALL! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM! PEOPLE LIVE AROUND US!" "I DON'T THINK I GIVE A FUCK" I growled.

                      Zayn started to say something but I covered my ears. "We learn from all your hate! We are lost in your mistakes! Play our hymn for the brand new day! We burned, we learned!" I screamed as I walked around in circles. Zayn grabbed my hands to make me stop covering my ears. "You're such a fucking child!" I walked away from him and sat on the couch again.

                    "Niall, can we talk?" I slowly nodded.

                       "So, when I first met you.. I thought you were an Angel. Your amazing in every possible way. They way your eyes sparkle in the moon light. The way you smile when your happy. Your beautiful. I love your hair, it's fun to run my hands through it.

              Your smile. It's just, It makes me so happy to see you smile. Then I know your really happy. Not faking it. Your nose. It's Perfect, I love kissing the tip of it. Brushing my nose against yours. Your eyes? Beautiful. They're such a beautiful blue. They're beautiful. I love starring into them, seeing your eyes sparkle. I melt into them. I can see how you feel just by looking into them. Your body? Is perfect. The right shape. Your fit. Fit in many places.

                   Your arms? I love when their wrapped around me. I feel, Safe.. And protected. Like, if I'm in your arms, nothings gonna happen to me. I'm safe. I'm safe because I know you'll protect me. Your hands? They fit perfectly in mine. Like a puzzle piece. Their soft. And warm. Your legs? I love when our legs are tangled together.  I love when our body's are tangled together. Like, it's a puzzle. And we're the two matching pieces. Because in all reality, we are.

                You're amazing Niall. Your sweet, kind, funny, your a terrible flirt. But that's what makes you perfect. It amazes me, how you make sure everyone's okay, even when your hurting yourself. Your kind. Kinder than anyone I know. You clam Whats yours. I'm yours  And I love you, with all my heart" Zayn said.

                 He slowly got on one knee and pulled out a box. Oh shit.. I know what he's going. No.. No.. "Niall, will you by my forever and always, and marry me" Zayn smiled. I just nodded and hugged Zayn. Which made us fall on the floor. We laughed and Zayn slipped the ring on my finger. "I'm sorry." "Oh shut up," Zayn laughed and kissed me.

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                      I sat by a tree, looking at Zayn's funeral. I wasn't invited to it, mostly because his family hated me, and because I was gay. I leaned pulled my knees up to my chest and sighed quietly. Most of his family left already. It was getting dark. The only ones who stayed behind was his mum and sisters. They were looking at Zayn's head-stone and crying. Why are they crying? The hated him for being him! I shivered.

                I haven't cried sense Zayn died. I don't know why but I didn't.. I thought when I found out I was going to cry none stop, but that never happened. I been out of school for the past couple of days to just sit here, and think I guess. There's not much to think about though.

                       Just that my world is dead, and I can't move on. I don't want to move from the tree.I don't want to eat. I don't want to face my mum. I don't want to do anything. Just sit here, and stare at Zayn's grave. His mum and sisters finally left. I waited a bit till they were truly gone to get up and walk over to the grave.

                     It's sickening, knowing Zayn's body really isn't in that coffin. They never found his body, which I don't understand at all. He killed himself. He couldn't have dumped his body somewhere if he was alive. I sat down next to his head-stone and sighed. I didn't actually know what to do next. I just sat there.

                    "I miss you Zayn," I said in a whisper. I felt tears form into my eyes. When I said that, I realized he can't answer me. I won't hear his voice again. I started to cry heavily. Realizing this just made me feel so stupid, and small. I knew it all along, but never faced it.

                     "I-I promise Z-Zayn. I-I will l-love you f-f-forever" I sobbed. I slowly got up and looked at his head-stone.

                 "T-Till we meet a-again babe.." I blinked a couple of times to get some tears out of my eyes and walked away.