Show me the light (Niam/Ziall)

Chapter 2. 'Every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise'

                       I sat in my car watching the rain drops fall onto my car. With every slash I got shivers. I love watching the rain fall. I don't know why, but Zayn and I used to always watch the rain and it was like the most interesting thing ever. I looked out the window and trailed my finger down the cold glass, following a drop to the bottom. The bright red light finally turned green and I started to drive again.

                I  leaned my head on the cold glass as I drove. All I could hear around me was cars beeping, the rain falling and the light music coming from my radio. There was a bunch of cars on the high way, some were small, big, or trucks. All different shapes and sizes. You can never really tell if you seen the same car before, you just assume you have. Not that it matters. I hit my breaks when I came to another red light.

                      "Fuck," I mumbled under my breathe as I flung in my seat. I sighed and fixed my posture in the seat. I looked out my window again and this guy was looking at me. I waved lightly and he turned away. Last time I try to be friendly. If Zayn was here- No, he's not here. I got to stop saying 'if he was here'. Cars were flying pasted on the other side of the road. I got blinded by one of the car's head lights. I blinked a couple of times to make my sight come back to normal. It was almost one in the morning, why are these people still up? I know why i'm still up, i'm going to the cemetery.

                              Every Wednesday I go to the cemetery to see him. Well, not really see him, but talk to his grave I guess. I turned right quickly. I soon turned my music up. The road to the cemetery is a road you never want to go down. It has a bunch of creepy old men living in the tiny houses. But there's this one child I always see. She stares at me as I quietly talk to Zayn. I don't blame her for staring at me. She most likely thinks i'm crazy. I started to drive a dirt road to the small cemetery. I heard the rocks under my car jump up to hit the side of my door. I parked my car. I sighed as I looked up and saw the big tree.

                 Zayn and I used to sit by that tree and tell each other where we wanted to be buried. Mostly, Zayn would say he wanted to be buried next to me. Next to the love of his life. Next to the one he wanted to marry. But that won't happen.. His parents forbid me to be buried next to him, even though in Zayn's suicide letter he said that's his only wish.. Still, he never got it. Mostly because i'm not dead. Yet, anyways. I got out of my car and grabbed a flash light. I closed my car door and locked it. Quickly hearing the click noise. I walked to where Zayn was.

           I shined my light on it. 'Zayn Malik. 1993-2010.' I sat down on the wet ground and sighed.

                         "I don't know Zayn," I started, "I don't think you missed much." I shook my head looking up. "I really miss you though. No doubt in my mind." Rain started to make my hair get wet, which dripped onto my shirt. "I know I can't make you come back, but we'll see each other soon, yeah?" I laughed lightly. "Maybe you'll have a new boyfriend I can meet. Maybe even Micheal Jackson" I chuckled. "Does he even dance in heaven? If he could, you better tell me" I smiled and shook my head. In my mind I could hear Zayn saying 'If you only knew babe' and his laugh echoed through my head.

              "So, this guy moved next door to the empty flat," I started again, "His name is Liam. Don't get me wrong, he's a good looking guy. But nothing like you baby. He seems very interested in me and I don't know. I honestly don't know how to explain him really. I just know, he's the guy with the sweet, brown eyes." I smiled to myself thinking about Liam. I then looked at Zayn's head-stone, imagining how he felt when I said that.

                "Zayn, I didn't mean it like that.. I still love you. My heart belongs to you and it always will. I know, you want me to move on. But it's been 3 years babe.. We're way passed moving on" I slightly laughed.

                  I then saw the small girl I always see. Her hazel eyes glowing. Her brown, curly, hair was all wet and in her face. I smiled at her lightly and she walked over to me. "Your talking to him again, arn't you" she asked and stood in front of me. "Every week I do love" I shrugged. "Does he answer?" "In my mind, he does. But he's dead.. So he can't really answer me." "Then why do you still love him?" She always asked that and I never knew the answer. "I don't know" I softly sighed. I pulled her into my lap. "You see how bright the stars are, right?" She nodded. "Well, every star shows how much I love Zayn. You can't count all the stars, which means, my love for Zayn will never end or totally be counted" I smiled. "You must really like him, don't you?" I nodded. "Of course sweetie. He's my everything. Well, was.." I said as she got up.

                   She walked over to her mum's head-stone sighing loudly. She was only 9 years old.. "You never told me how your mum died?" "You never told me how Zayn died" she said, never taking her eyes off the writing. "True" I laughed lightly and stood up. "My mum was beaten to death by my dad. So my dad is in jail. That's why I life with my Grandpa" she said quietly. "Oh.. Zayn killed himself" I sighed. She just nodded, meaning she understood. "Well, I guess i'll see you next week, aye?" I nodded and kissed her head lightly like I always did. "Bye Mr Niall" she smiled. "Bye princess" I chuckled and walked to my car leaving the little girl behind. 

-*-

                           I walked up the steps to my flat. Music was blaring from Liam's flat. I can't see him as a type of party guy, but whatever. I made my way up the steps and saw Liam curled up into a ball by his door. Just walk pasted him. Don't say anything. I searched in my pocket for my keys. When I found them they fell out of my pocket. "Fuck" I mumbled and picked them up. I heard Liam sniffle. I felt his eyes on me. I unlocked my door.

                            "H-Hey Niall" Liam said. He sounded broken. Sad. "Hi" I said, not turning around. "You can come to the party you know. My room mate, Harry, planned the whole thing" Liam said. I shook my head. "I'm not much of a party person" I said and sat on the floor across from Liam. The floor was cold. Well, maybe because I was outside but whatever. I could see Liam's eyes were red and puffy. "Me either." "Then why did you let Harry have a party" I asked. "Because I can't say no to him.." Liam shrugged.

                "Can I ask, why were you crying?" Damn it! I asked the damn question I didn't want to ask! I honestly don't care or give a shit! "Well, if you must know.. Harry invited my girlfriend over, and she broke up with me. So now she's in there dancing on some guy" he said and started to cry into his hands. I then heard one of Zayn's songs being playing inside Liam's flat. I love the way he sings.. So much.. I bit my lip and looked at Liam who was now looking at me.

            "Do you not like this song? You look like you're about to cry.." Liam laughed lightly. "N-No.. It's uh.. Not that" I shook my head while standing up. Liam stood up when I did and looked at me. I closed my eyes for a minute. I just had a fine night talking to Zayn. If Liam ruins this night i'm gonna kill him. I haven't cut all day, I ate at least 2 meals.. He can't ruin it. I just need to leave him alone and avoid him. I opened my eyes and saw Liam still standing there. He was looking at his feet while thinking. Even if I did like him a little bit, he had a 'GIRLFRIEND' he's not gay. I don't even know why I just thought about that. Zayn, i'm sorry. He's just standing there, looking all sad... You know I had to think of it. I still love you babe. I smiled to myself.

           Liam quickly looked back up when he heard footsteps coming from the stairs. I looked at the steps and saw a beautiful girl. She had long black, wavy, hair, hazel eyes, a perfect body. Liam quickly grabbed me by the shirt and pushed me onto a wall. I groaned in pain and Liam kissed me with full force.

                         I didn't kiss back. I couldn't. I didn't want to. Liam just kept kissing me. He moved his hand up my shirt and giggled through the kiss. I grabbed his hand from under my shirt and tried to move it away from me. But instead Liam grabbed my dick through my pants. I moaned lightly into Liam's mouth. I felt Liam smirk on my lips. I heard the girl's voice start to fade away. When the girl was finally gone Liam let go of me.

                    "I-I'm s-so,-" I cut Liam off. "YOU FUCKING DOUCHE! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" "I.. I don't know" Liam sighed. "DON'T TALK TO ME, OKAY?!" I growled and stormed into my flat. Why the fuck would he do that?! I'm not some damn toy! I can't believe I actually thought about caring about him! I love Zayn. And only Zayn. If Zayn was here right now, he would have punched Liam.. I sat on my couch and cried into my hands. I need you Zayn.. Right now..