Come Inside

XVII

IF this was college years, Elaine would have pushed Jacob away and chose Kael. But this time's different, circumstances had changed. She loved Jacob dearly, she can't take to lose him again. Even with all through pain, she chose to be with him. And she wished she won't regret the decision of coming with him, living with him, as if nothing had happened in the past, like she didn't leave him for good, as if he didn't have an affair and had a child with someone else.

It's hard, really. It was still so damn hard for her for she had so many insecurities, so many questions bugging her mind about what ifs and whatever. It's hard when she first met Victoria for the girl was just looking at her as if she was already building a wall between them at such a young age. Elaine was not trying to break the wall between them because she's afraid of the possible outcomes. First, Victoria might not like her. Second, she might break the bond between Jacob and Victoria.

Whenever her eyes make contact with Victoria's, the latter would smile timidly but would avert her gaze immediately.

"Nahihiya lang 'yon, sa 'yo. Don't worry too much, Elaine," Jacob comforted her when Elaine told him that Victoria might not like her. "I know my daughter."

Elaine closed her eyes as she turned her back on Jacob. She felt breaking all over again and she's trying to conceal it, to hide the pain from Jacob who only wanted her to be happy with him. Jacob was trying his best for her to keep from leaving again, and he was doing what he can do to hold on to her and Victoria both without tearing apart.

She heard Jacob heaved a deep sigh as he pulled her against him, her back against his naked chest, warming up her cold body. Locking her in his arms, he concluded, "It's hard for you."

She didn't lie. "It is," Elaine chocked on her own words.

Silence came next, watching the seconds of the digital clock change numbers from 9:01:09 to 9:02:34, then she felt Jacob pressed his forehead against the hollow of her neck. He was... shaking. Then she heard him sniff. And she realized how hard everything was for him too. She felt chills ran through her nerves as she lowered her gaze to the ground. Her bare feet felt so cold against the ground, contradicting the warmth from Jacob's tightening embrace.

"Are you going to leave?" He asked in a very low voice, shaky and a bit hesitant to ask her.

Am I? Elaine asked herself, balling her hands into fists. She didn't know!

Jacob repeated his question, "Are you going to leave?" This time he was more serious but fear was evident in his voice making it so raspy, so shaky, more throaty.

Elaine rested her head against Jacob's chest, savoring his warmth against her clothed body. She missed this. She missed how her body fits his arms, the way Jacob hold her like she's his possession.

All about him she missed. And she missed to answer his question making Jacob tighten his arms around her.

"What can I do to make things easier?"

Elaine shivered upon his question and then her mind went blank, her system became haywire as she thought of something but none came. Jacob couldn't do anything to make things easier. Everything was hard as is.

"What can I do to make you stay?" Jacob asked moments later after few shaky breaths.

"Nothing," she whispered. She felt his arms tightened more around her waist as if telling her not to leave him again. His muscles clenched as if he didn't want to feel the same pain inflicted in him when she had left him 5 years ago. "Because nothing in this world can make me leave you again. I don't want to leave you again. I would trade anything I have just to have you by my side again. I... I love you so much I can't stay away from you."