My Little Murder

Chapter 19 - Past Present or Future

"Liv," her mother called. "Liv, where's your brother?"

"He's in the toilet," Liv called back, glancing up from her book. She wasn't sure whether she was supposed to be reading or not, but she did it anyway, in secret. Her father never let her read; her father never let her do anything. He got mad at her really easily.

"Tell him to come see me and his father when he gets out, please," her mother called again. Liv looked up.

"Is there anything I can do while you wait for Pax?" she called out hesitantly. There was silence for a few moments, before a reply came.

"No, just Pax," her mother confirmed, and Liv could hear the quiver in her voice without having to see the expression on her mother's face. Biting her lip, Liv looked down at her book again.

*

My hair whipped around my head as the wind lashed out, agitated beyond control. It played with the people below me, dancing around with the fabrics of their clothes. But it was angry at me, as well it should be. I was angry at me too. How could I have been so stupid? Of course he didn't love me, he never would. Well, not now that he was dead.

*

"Mum and dad want you," Liv announced when her brother went to walk past her into his room. He stopped short and took a few steps backwards until he was in front of Liv, and knelt down so they were at eye-level with each other.

"What are you reading?" he asked after a moment, and Liv blushed, tucking the book under the blanket she had draped over her legs.

"Nothing," she shot back quietly, glancing at the doorway to her parents' bedroom. Pax glanced over his shoulder to follow his sister's gaze, and his expression softened when he understood what she was doing.

"I'm sorry he's so horrible to you," he murmured quietly. "I've tried to stop him, and so has mum. But there's really nothing else we can do without getting you hurt."

"You should stay out of it," Liv muttered, looking down. "He'll hurt you too."

"He only wants to hurt you," Pax corrected, leaning forward. "He'll hurt mum too, but he wants to get to you. You can't let him win. You have to be strong, okay? Be strong."

*

I dragged my gaze around the park below me. There were birds fluttering about in the trees, singing across the lake to each other. There were children fighting each other for the swings, and there were girls giggling about on the grass as they thrived for the boys' attention. I watched them from where I stood, as Queen of the world. I could see everything from where I was, looking down at everyone I saw for the first time in my life.

I wanted to join them, I really did. And I could join them. I could get their attention without having to try; they'd talk about it for weeks. 'The girl no one notices finally gets the pitiful attention she wants'. And I only had to do one thing to make it all go away.

*

"Please, stop hurting her!' she cried, tears pouring down her cheeks as she held her hands to her mouth, wanting to scream at the scene before her.

"You shut your mouth, you hear?" her father snapped, pointing a calloused finger at her face. "Or I'll give you an extra beating, you ungrateful swine."

She let out a choked sob as her father turned back around, raising his hand to her mother again.

"What did I do to you, huh?" he shouted, and Liv watched her mother cower down on the ground, curled up in a ball of her own blood and vomit as she held her hands up before her. "I've been nothing but good to you, to all of you, and you repay me by f*cking some c*nt you met at a pub and bringing home that disgrace of a girl? I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING AND THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME?!"

*

I let out a heavy sigh, my eyelids drooping closed. I was really tired. I wouldn't mind a nice cosy place to rest right about now. Under a tall, old tree with the sun shining outside as I sat under the shade the leaves cast over the ground. Feeling the cool breeze splash across my face as I closed my eyes, not knowing if it would be the last time I'd be seeing the world. Because I wouldn't mind; there'd be nothing left to live for, anyway. And there still wasn't. I didn't want to think of what life was like twenty years from now and have the word 'murderer' be the only thing I could think of. I didn't want to be known as that. I wanted to be known as a human being. And this was one of the only ways I knew that I could accomplish this.

Join the people on the ground, where the wind was gentle. It'd be rough, but it'd be well worth it.

*

She lay curled up in her room, shaking against the wall. She hadn't looked at her own face in the mirror for over a year now, and her father called her a freak. She didn't know why, and she didn't want to know why. Her mother had stopped taking her side. Her brother was of no use; she refused to let him get hurt, too. And her father wouldn't hurt him; he was his own flesh, his own blood.

Liv was not.

There was a heavy knock on her door, and she flinched.

"Liv," came a hesitant voice. It was her brothers. He twisted the handle of the door and opened it, walking in slowly. "Liv, it's your birthday. Don't you think you should come out for a minute or so? You're fifteen; I'm certain something good's going to happen for you today, but you'll never know if you stay locked up in here. Come on, I'll protect you."

It took him a while, but he finally got his sister up and out of the room. It was a few days, but it was a good effort. She had been in there longer before.

*

"Liv."

I lifted my head from the small people running around below me, feeling the breeze against my face. It wasn't dying down, but it wasn't as rough as it was before. It was encouraging, almost like it was tyring to convince me.

Turn back, it said. Join the small people on the ground.

I slowly turned my head all the way around, until I found someone standing some distance away from me. That red hair looked familiar; I knew who they were, but I couldn't remember their name.

"Liv, come away from there," they warned. I watched them, silent. Ugh, I knew that face had a name; what was it? "I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling right now, but you need to trust me, okay? This is not the right thing to do."

I hesitated, then turned around again, feeling the wind edging me towards the park with all the small people. It was so far down, I couldn't imagine getting down there without flying. Maybe I could fly.

"No, wait!" she screamed, and I paused. I'd taken a step away from her and towards the park without realising at all. I glanced over my shoulder, expression blank and void of all emotion. "Come on, you've got to think about this! Whatever you do right now is going to affect all the people who love you, not just yourself! This can't be your solution! We can help you, okay? Let us help you."

I paused. I was one step away from both choices. I could choose to go right and not deal with anything by joining the small people on the pavements below me, or I could choose to go left and... deal with the situation? Ew, why would I want to do that?

But something about this red-haired girl before me made my brain hurt. I remembered seeing her in the hospital, visiting me. She helped me get better. She was trying to help me get better now. Did I want her help? Or did I want to be left alone to deal with my own problem, right here and right now?

It was tough. I almost chose the wrong decision. But I finally made my mind up, and I took the left step towards the red haired woman, coming down from the building's ledge. She rushed forward immediately, throwing her arms around me and hugging me tightly. I hugged her back, screwing my eyes closed as I started crying.

"You have to help me," I whispered, and Charlie nodded quickly, holding me tightly.

"Of course, Liv, of course," she murmured soothingly. "Everything and anything we can do to help you, we're going to do it. You're going to get better, I promise."

Whether I made the right decision or not, however, I would never know.